Mom's friends get auto bridal shower invite?

Nevermind, I misread your post. =)

All good! I just didn't know if this was a thing like they keep insisting it is. Even after, they mentioned to my mom that they should have been invited.

This actually happened to my MOH, her husband is from Mississippi.. She fought with her FMIL on it, but apparently it just wasn't a shower without inviting every one of her mom's friends and members of the church. There were 70 women at that shower and only 100 people total at her wedding.

It was weird and 100% against etiquette, and my MOH knew that, but everyone around her acted like it was completely normal.

But I don't think it's weird to have a close friend of your mom's, who wasn't invited to the shower, send you a gift. If it's a coworker or someone your mom has known a long time she probably talks about you a lot so I'm sure it's like they know you and they wanted to send you something. It's probably more of a gesture to your mom than anything? My FMIL's friends are throwing my shower and I've only met most of them once or twice, maybe your mom's friends get gifts for all of their friends kids?

It's definitely not rude that they gave you a gift. Write them a thank you and move on. I've never heard of this, but I'm not from the south.

Yeah it wasn't anyone super close to her. Just a couple of people she's played golf with a couple of times and had over to their house on occasion. More of acquaintances than anything so I thought it was a little weird and more of they felt left out. But I guess it's really a thing....

@lindseyo I did. I sent a thank you note for the gift and for thinking of me. But I wasn't sure if it was something I had just never heard of....

Edited for clarity

I'm still struggling with the concept that anyone who sent you a gift, especially one who isn't invited to the wedding, is rude. Working on it...

@Rachel it just kind of seemed like a "oh I wasn't invited so I'm going to send a gift to make it known I wasn't invited" but maybe that wasn't the intent. But it seemed that way because that was the way it was described to the person that delivered the gift. Perhaps a "don't shoot the messenger situation."

What was rude was that message. It was as though they felt snubbed by the lack of invitation and they were letting you know about it. As if you committed some faux pas (which you did not, at all). That message would rub me the wrong way. You have handled it the right way though - thank you note and move on.

Born & raised in South Louisiana, never heard of that rule! I was always taught if they weren't invited to the wedding it was rude to invite them to the shower! But sweet of them to send you something!

@brooke s. Yeah that's what I thought but two of them brought it up to my mom so I wasn't sure if it was a thing.

Sending a gift wasn't rude but they could have left the comment out.

Ok, while it's not rude to send a gift, it's rude to send a loaded gift with a passive aggressive note like that. Do these women have nothing better to do than be insulted and fan themselves?

Geez they have some nerve to send a gift with that message!

I don't think the gift was rude but the note seems petty AF to me. I'm not from the south so I can't weigh in on whether or not that's something that typically happens. My gut response would be to just send them back, but the right thing was to send a thank you note and just let it be.

I've never heard of this, where I'm from you invite guests to the shower who are invited to the wedding. I think it was very nice of them to send you gifts and I would just send them a thank you card and move forward the note on the gift seems very petty to me but I'd take the high road still and send a thank you note

Born and raised in GA and yes i have heard of that. At least where i am from it is more of a female party for the mom to show off the bride is getting married. Until on this site i never knew you didnt invite people not invited to the wedding.

I live in Kentucky, and I've always heard "if not invited to wedding don't invite to shower." That said, my FMIL is sending an invite to her church for both events in the case that someone wants to come....

Granted our wedding is at said church so I was fine with it. Plus, we're having a casual ceremony and reception, and we know most won't come besides those who were already receiving invites anyway.

I think it is different families having different traditions more so than all of the south. There are things I do to host that others may disagree with and vice versa.