Mom's delaying my wedding

Boundaries. I would not invite anyone actively sabotaging the relationship or has ill-will to my marriage. I would refrain from talking about anything wedding or marriage-related with your parents in the future. Invitations go out 4-6 wks before, so there's still time for them to mellow out. But this may not happen. Best wishes on your engagement.

I'm not sure what your family background or religion is and maybe it is hard for you to try to break out from under your parent's influence, but all the other posters are right... this is your wedding and it sounds like your mom is used to you obeying. I know that it may seem impossible to understand, but it's ok to make your own choices and it is not being disrespectful. Don't let her need for control undermine this day for you and your future husband. She is being disrespectful to your relationship. That being said, all of this may sound like you are being an awful daughter because you've lived 26 years with your mom being this way and telling you over and over that you need to heed her words and wishes. Just try to remember this is supposed to be a happy day where you start a new family with your spouse. Not a day for your parents to rope another person into their web of controlling behavior.

Also- your mom doesn't get gifts from you for your wedding... she has some interesting views on how the world works.

I totally and completely agree with what Nicolle said, as long as she's not your legal guardian or conservator or something like that. I'm stunned that she's already brought up the topic of *you* giving *her* gifts...especially since she's apparently not contributing a single cent. Sure, you could give her a little gift on the wedding day to thank her for her support........buuuuuuut it doesn't seem like she's very supportive at all, so I would probably not recommend doing that. She seems very controlling. I would actually recommend counseling, just for you to get an expert, outside opinion on how best to navigate this relationship dynamic with your mom. Unless there's been any abuse or criminal activity, please proceed with your wedding plans and have a wonderful time!!!

Also, if you are still planning the March 2023 date, she had promised that as an acceptable date, so she is obligated to that promise. Based on that promise, you also made obligations that will cause you loss of payments. That is not fair to go back on that promise.

I'm gonna be a little blunt (and stern) but know that this comes from a good place ...

You are 26 years old. She's not paying for anything. Not only does your mother have zero authority to make any demands or changes to your wedding - its completely insane that she thinks she does. I think it's time to have a serious conversation with yourself about whether or not you want her in your life in a major way.

This is toxic controlling behavior and it will only get worse. If you decide to have children, she will tell you to do things a certain way, demand you do them her way, and not respect any of your boundaries when it comes to your family. You're 26. Time to do the difficult thing of standing up to her and putting your foot down.

Have your wedding when you and your fiancé want to have it. In the way you want to have it. Set boundaries with your mom, and be stern - if she doesn't respect them there will be consequences.

The "teach you to be obedient" aspect of this whole thing is frightening. I would seriously consider even inviting her to your wedding. Your wedding day should be joyful, not some sort of lesson you need to learn.

Now for the less harsh part - you are, under no circumstance, being "a selfish daughter" because you are choosing to have your wedding date on the day that you have picked and already paid deposits on. Living your life the way you see fit does not make you a selfish daughter. Don't let her make you feel that way either. Embrace your happiness and the joy that comes from starting your life with the person you love most. Don't let anyone - not even your mother - let you feel guilty or bad for having the wedding you want when you want it.

Making decisions as an adult does not make you selfish, it makes you a fully functioning person. Lean into the family you're creating not the family that wants to control you.

Sounds like you have a very complicated relationship with your mother. It's important to work through possible feelings of guilt and obligation toward her. I doubt this behaviour will change significantly without a shift in your approach to her. This is where therapy can be helpful, a place for you to establish yourself as an adult and unmesh from her.

At any rate "no" is a complete sentence. I would stop leaping for her approval and do what you would like to do in your life.