Moms breaking my heart.

This just breaks my heart to read, I'm so sorry. Have you tried reaching out to her and asking her what's going on?

This makes me so sad for you. Have you had the chance to sit down with her and have a heart to heart? If not, if I was you, I would tell her how you feel; you may be right and she doesn't even realize how this is hurting you, and if she knew, she might change that completely

I am sorry she is pushing you away. But maybe you are taking some things as rejection that a lot of normal, very close and loving mothers won't necessarily do either. Yet you take as rejection. Some is a generational thing. This recent trend of many MOB getting ready in any way with the bride and bridal party, is not even familiar or in the experience of most of her generation. Nor is hiring professional HMU to come to the bride. Except for the rich and celebrities, this was a rare thing til recently. Same with manicures and spa days. They may not have any good things in her eyes, at the best of times. You are basing expectations of a fairly recent TV and movies idea of what family do at weddings.Traditionally, the MOB never hosts the RD, and very often does not attend a rehearsal dinner, unless her husband FOB is escorting the bride down the aisle. . . To you, this is the exciting time you become a new family with your FI. But to your mom, this is the time when you officially leave her. And having lost your father already, this is extremely upsetting for her, as for many parents. She likely wants to simply be a witness to your wedding. Happy to see you walk with your brother, she sees him as walking in place of your father. Ordinarily as MOB if her generation, only a few small cultural groups ever had mom involved with this, so it is strange and unwelcome for her to step in to what she sees as your father's place. How ever long ago it was, this is a final bit of burying him. And losing you in a very dramatic way. Don't push her. She cannot help what she feels, more a terrible loss than celebration. . . . People grieve at the death of a loved one. But do so again at such symbolic times as a child's marriage. It does not mean she does not love you but rather the opposite: She loves you so much the thought of you being less with her is likely overwhelming. It may be all she can do get herself groomed in private, or at a salon. And be at the wedding to see it. I hope your FI and brother can be your support as well as love at this wonderful but upsetting time for both of your separate needs.

View Quoted Comment I dont have a lot of family. It's been 16 years since my dads been gone. I want to spend time with her and have memories with her. She isnt even staying after dinner at my reception. She did everything for my sister and went to all of her events. She wont even come to my house for dinner. This is nothing new. Doesnt go to my nephews 1st birthday party. Just hurtful. Hurtful to know that my wedding isnt as important to her as it is too me and will probably be the same when I have children.

View Quoted Comment I wonder if there is more going on here than you may know?

1) Does she like your FH? I mean truly like him?
2) Is she doing okay? Mentally/physically?
3) Could asking her to walk down the aisle( assuming she didn’t for sister) remind her of the loss of your dad, her husband?
4) Could you sit and talk to her, as adults, and tell her how all of this makes you feel?
5) How long ago was the wedding of your sister?
6) Are you the last child? If so, it may be the fact of her “loosing” all her babies & it just being her- yes even if you’ve not lived with her for sometime.

It sounds like your mom has depression. It might be good to pick her up and take her to these things or take dinner to her.... Again, talk to her and tell her that you want and need to have time with Her.