momma drama

It's really hard to give advice on this without knowing the entire situation. In most arguments, both people commit some wrongdoings. Do you feel like you've done anything wrong in the situation that you'd like to apologize for? Maybe opening that door will lead to her opening up as well.

I'm not sure what happened, but she might not be willing to apologize. I don't know what type of person your mom is, but for some people admitting you were wrong is easier said than done. If you want her there, you might just have to accept that she's never going to apologize or admit she was wrong. You might have to be the bigger person and accept that whatever happened between the two of you is in the past and move on otherwise she might not be at your wedding.

"How do I explain to my mother that I want her to acknowledge that she was in the wrong so that we can move on?"

No matter what your mother did, you can't force her to apologize. That's simply not how relationships work; you can't change anyone else. Since you can only control your own actions, you will have to decide if you can forgive/ignore/forget enough to move on with wedding planning without your mom's apology.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing though. You don't have to include her in all of the planning and pretend everything is fine. You can just treat her like a distant relation, send her an invitation, and greet her cordially at your reception.

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I agree. If I feel I am not in the wrong it will take a lot for me to apologize but I also do not like bad blood between people I love dearly. You may feel you are owed an apology and that is fair but it does not seem like you would get it without it causing more issues. She needs to come to that realization on her own. I say just invite her but you do not have to have her for pre wedding festivities or involve her in planning but I am sure she would like an invite.

My mom is the same. I haven’t really been talking to her because she has been very disrespectful and rude to me. But she won’t apologize. She won’t offer any help with wedding either. I plan to have her at my wedding because I know she won’t apologize but I don’t want my FH friends and fam asking me much about it but continue to distance myself from her afterward because it’s unhealthy to have a relationship with people who hurt you and will not apologize.

I have an aunt who was a major part of my life growing up but was also a major pain in the you know what. She has never admitted fault even when she was shown where she was wrong. Sometimes you have to put your peace ahead of family. My grandfather used to say, "Just because they're in your family, doesn't mean they're your family." I say this to say there are some people (your mother sounds like one of them) you just have to accept will NEVER be in or allowed in your corner. My advice to you is to be polite and cordial. Plan your wedding and send her an invitation. After the wedding, only call her when she calls you.

I would sit down with her and tell her exactly what you said here. explain to her how you feel hurt, and that you want to move on from it but you need a sincere apology from her first. try not to be accusatory, just explain how you are feeling.

In any situation there are always 3 sides, your version, the other person's version and what truly happened. You may feel that your mom was in the wrong but she may feel differently. You may feel that you didn't do anything wrong but it doesn't mean that you dont have anything to apologize for. Life is too short to not speak to people you love. Start an open and honest conversation with her about what happened. Be open to hearing her version of events. Dont be so hung up on being right that you end up missing out on time with your mom.

I would just pick up the phone and give her a call. Doesn’t matter what the argument was about or what situation was. I understand it’s hard to “bury the hatchet “but you have to ask yourself what’s more important. Your mother admitting fault, or her attending your wedding. It seems a little ridiculous that your mother would lie to family members and tell people that she apologized to you when she really didn’t, but regardless of that if your mother feels that she was at fault she should just apologize. You might want to also think about the situation and possibly see if maybe you also had a part to play in any wrongdoing. I don’t know the situation but all I know is that if it’s important enough for you to have your mom there and then the best thing to do would be to just call her on the phone and Let her know how you feel.

You cannot extract an apology, unless you want to behave so badly you will owe her one.
Will you be sorry later, if she is not at your wedding? Then invite her. No preconditions.
Really don't care? Don't, and expect her to mostly disappear from your life. You may just treat her like a relative you do not much see or talk to, or like your groom's unknown family. Be polite, sociable if you meet at the wedding, and nothing more. You can only control your behavior. So, nothing? Or treat her like a guest? There is no requirement that Moms be involved in weddings. Never has been. And you cannot punish her for not living up to your fantasy mom ideals, and being involved. Unfortunately, you cannot change another adult. Nor punish them until you get an apology.

Sometimes digging your heels in to prove you’re right, does no one any good. Asking for someone to apologize so you can move on, is a bad way to start. You just have to decide if you want her in some way in your life and your wedding. She may never be the Mom you’d like her to be. And the next step is stop talking to other family member about who was right or wrong. Don’t make people take sides because then you are the loser not her. I wouldn’t involve her much with the wedding.

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Really, its not that I am asking for an apology. I'm not going to sit her down and strap her to a chair until she says the words "I am sorry". I want a discussion and acknowledgement of what happened and why it happened. I have tried telling her how I feel and she deflects with completely irrelevant information.

View Quoted Comment Totally understand. My mom is the same. And it sucks but I just ignore her now and don’t talk to her at all.

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My dad does this to me a lot. Honestly, if this is a long term issue, you should really think about if it's worth it to you. Will the discussion be more like talking to a brick wall? Will she even be receptive? Will it cause you more pain if she DOESN'T apologize or admit she's wrong? Are you feeling guilty for possibly not having her at your wedding or is it shame (just recently learned there is a major difference!)?

Here's the hard truth - It's your mother, she's NOT going to apologize even if she knows she's wrong, why - because she's your mother. The parents don't apologize, the children apologize. She's waiting for you to make the first move. You have a choice, you can try and move past this, but you're not willing to because you want her to apologize, she's wants you to just acknowledge her OR you can exclude her from your wedding. And if you do that, and she's told family that she worked things out with you (and you know she didn't); you will look like the bad person.

It's your mom, do you love her, do you REALLY want her at your wedding? if the answer is yes - then just be the bigger person. If any of it is no, then let things stand the way they are.

If your mother were to drop dead tomorrow, would you regret not talking to her since February? If yes, then you owe it to her to let it go and move on. If No, then again, don't invite her to your wedding and live with that. It's hard, it's tough but it's the truth.

My father and I had a tumultuous relationship, I had stopped talking to him when I was 17. At 25 he reached out to me and against my better judgement (at the time) I went and saw him. We had dinner and before I left I kissed him goodbye, told him I loved him and silently whispered that I forgave him (He didn't apologize for his actions) - A month later he passed away. If I had listened to myself and not gone, I would've never made peace with MYSELF. Because although I hated the man, I LOVED my father. I have no regrets because we made peace and he knew that I loved him when he passed away.

So, I say think about it.... what's more important, her apologizing or her being there with you.

My mother and I don't have the best relationship to say the least. I have gone through something similar to you and what I can tell you is this. I believe that in the end there is no love like a love a mother has for her children. Expecting her to accept she was wrong and apologize is huge given that she has said she has but she hasn't. As God says those that seek forgiveness first will be rewarded why? Because it takes someone very strong to apologize even when we feel we are not at fault there are many ways we can hurt someone without realizing that we have. My best advice would be to seek your mom and show her just how strong and grown you have become and that you will be getting married and you would want her to be there. If that is what you want. I also would recommend saying that one apology can go a long way and hearts can be mended by a simple forgive me? I wish you the best and congratulations ! will be praying for your relationship with your mom!

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I believe that no matter what a parent should under some circumstances apologize. Especially when their children are adults and deserve to be respected as well. I know the moments my mother has apologized to me as well as my father it brought a ton of healing into my life humbling me to the woman I am today and for that reason I learned to forgive when I have been hurt and I learn to seek forgiveness when I have hurt others. It's an act of humbling and recognizing that we are not perfect but that we acknowledge others feelings and love each other with a genuine care for one another. I am sorry for what you went through and my condolences. I am glad you made peace. But saying that parents shouldn't apologize and children have to apologize is pretty absurd. It goes both ways and there could be so many life lessons that children can pass on by a simple act of humbleness and repentance.

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Very well said! Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Your welcome! Best wishes ✨💕