Mom won't come if invite dad's side

You'll need to be upfront with her. You are related to your father's side of the family through him. That makes them your family as well. If you uninvite them because of something she says or does, it sets a dangerous precedent that she can whine and cry and get her way with you, depriving you of having a relationship with them.

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I agree with this. If you don't put your foot down, her manipulation will continue. This seems extremely selfish of her. This is your day and your family should be there. She should not be dictating or making ultimatums like this.

I would explain to her that you love her and you want her there but her ultimatum requiring you to not invite your family to an extremely important event in your life is unreasonable.

She needs to understand that this day is not about her. If she is paying for the wedding, you may need to be prepared to chip in to help cover cost of your dad's side of the family.

This happened to one of my closest friends. I was in her wedding. Her dad paid for everything and the mom was mad because the dad was bringing the new girl he was dating. The mom said she wasn’t going to go. My friend sat down with her mom with her siblings and talked to her mom and “put her in her place” (respectively).

I’m in a similar situation right now unfortunately, my dad has said that he won’t come to my wedding if my mom is there, which is something I’m not willing to budge on. I’m still waiting to see if he’ll actually come or not but I feel for you and the only advice I can give is to not think about it too much and enjoy the rest of wedding planning, hopefully she comes around.

It’s unfortunate that parents put their kids in this predicament. So selfish and rude! Who is paying for the wedding? Not that it should matter but if she’s this concerned about something so petty I can see her pulling out of funding anything, so be prepared for that. I personally would still invite and tell her so then let her know that we will miss her selfish self 🤣.

I am a 4 time MOB. Unless these people have threatened your mom I would very calmly look at her and just say, "well Mom, you will be missed. I am sad that you would use my wedding and put me in the middle like this, but everyone is invited. I hope you choose to come, but if not you will be missed."

What she is doing is wrong.