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Just Said Yes October 2019

Mom Wants Hometown Wedding

Private User, on April 24, 2018 at 2:47 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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Hello!

I'm recently engaged and I've been trying to begin the process of planning my wedding. My fiance is from Michigan and I am from Ohio, but we live together in Florida.

We were initially planning on having our wedding in Michigan for a variety of reasons.
1. This is my second marriage, so on my side, I really want things to be simple and don't "want" much. He on the other hand has never been married and has certain specific things. To me, I don't mind trying to get as much of what he wants as possible because I already had my "dream" wedding (side note: dream wedding does not equal dream marriage.)
2. We are planning a very small wedding (under 50 people) and the majority of them would be from Michigan.
3. We just WANT to have it there. It's where we met and we had a specific venue in mind that we were interested in before my mother started voicing her opinions.

So my mom wants us to have it in Ohio. The location we were initially hoping for was just over a 3 hour drive for my parents so nothing crazy. She said that if it's in Michigan she won't go and she'll be upset. I asked if she would care if we eloped somewhere far away and she didn't get to go if she would care and she said no. I really feel like this is more a control thing than anything else. I REALLY get along with my fiance's family and for some reason she feels really threatened by that.

Normally I would think that she's not paying for any of this wedding so she can suck it up and go but there is ONE detail that makes me wonder if I'm totally wrong. She is handicapped. Both of my parents are. They are not incapable of leaving the house by any means. My dad still drives regularly. But she HATES leaving the house. The older she gets the more of a hermit she really becomes. It's an excuse that she is leveraging for why we can't have it in Michigan but one that I still don't feel is totally justified. My brother could easily drive them. I could put them up in a handicap accessible room. This doesn't have to be difficult. But I am wondering if I'm the one being unreasonable.

Thoughts?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Tia'nna, on April 24, 2018 at 3:46 PM

Super July 2018
LibbyLane · on April 24, 2018 at 2:54 PM
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I'm dealing with a similar situation. My mom is trying to guilt me into having my wedding 30 minutes from her house instead of in the town where FH and I live, 3.5 hours away. Her excuse is that I have a great-aunt who is disabled and wouldn't be able to make the drive, but we weren't planning on inviting her anyway. I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I might have a little bit of bias.
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VIP October 2018
Alicia · on April 24, 2018 at 2:57 PM
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I"m sorry you're going through this. If it were me, I would probably have it in Michigan. My mom can be like this in a way but not this extreme. If it were me, I would have to be strong to stand up to my mom on this. If she is capable of getting there, but just doesn't want to, that's really sad and unfair on her part. You need to do what you and your fiancee want to do, I don't think you should give in to her. Because it would cause more stress for you in the planning. How would you feel if people in Michigan couldn't come because it was too far away?
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Super October 2018
Tammy · on April 24, 2018 at 2:58 PM
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You need to do what you want. At the end of the day this is about you and your FH.
I have a 91 year old Grandma and isn't super easy for her to get around so we are trying to figure the logistics of that as we are having a DW wedding.
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VIP June 2019
magnolia5 · on April 24, 2018 at 3:05 PM
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This definitely sounds like a control thing.

I would definitely have it where you want it. I don't know your mom, but I think her mind will change and she will attend. You won't be able to please everyone.
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Super October 2018
MaltedMilk · on April 24, 2018 at 3:20 PM
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Have it where you want to have it - your mom is trying to control you, pure and simple. Take it from someone who had a mom who liked to call the shots: "Mom, our wedding will be in Michigan. I sincerely hope you will be there to share in our day. We can Skye you in, or stream it to you if you are unable to travel. Now.....how about those amazing Mets??"
I bet she is on a plane to Michigan. Maybe not but that will her choice. All you can do is change how you react to her.
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Expert May 2018
dancingwiththekumars · on April 24, 2018 at 3:23 PM
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It seems you have thought about how to make it accessible for them. It's your big day and your choice. Seems like Michigan has a lot of positive reasons for you and your FH.
My mom is also disabled & is on dialysis, but she's still flying hours to be at my wedding. We live in different states. Parents should not guilt you into accommodating for them, when this is the moment in your life for YOU.
Good luck, I hope they are happy with your decision.
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Dedicated July 2018
Tia'nna · on April 24, 2018 at 3:46 PM
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As long as you make it accessable for them, there is nothing wrong with having it where you want. Good luck to you, I hope everything works out and that your mom comes around! I know dealing with unsupportive family members can be so stressful.
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