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Just Said Yes December 2022

Mom throwing bridal shower and who to invite?!

AnonBride, on May 14, 2014 at 12:20 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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My mom is throwing my bridal shower. I know your mother is not supposed to throw your shower because it can look tacky and trashy. But she's already knee deep in planning and is ready to send out invites so there's nothing I can do about that. The real question is who do we invite? My mom wants to invite ALL of the women who are invited to the wedding, most of which would be coming from out of town to both the shower and the wedding. She doesn't think many people will come but wants to invite them so they don't feel offended for not being invited to the shower. She also said to my fiancé that if they don't come they might send gifts anyway, which is pretty tacky and made him not want to invite his family to the shower. Now I'm caught in the middle because I don't want to leave anyone out but I don't want to invite people just to get gifts if they can't come. Also I don't want people to feel obligated to come if they get an invite because they will be traveling for the wedding. Also my fiancé's aunts wanted to throw me a shower originally but once they found out my mom was doing it they said they would just throw an engagement party, which would be a few weeks before the shower so they would probably not come to the shower anyway. What is the best way to go about this the right way without offending anyone?! Thanks!!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by KTSmom, on May 14, 2014 at 8:51 AM

VIP August 2014
J · on May 14, 2014 at 12:31 AM
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I don't think it's wrong to have your mom throw your shower. I would not do the engagement party and just invite all the women you are close to to the shower. If you aren't comfortable inviting out of town guests, then don't.
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Super August 2014
NoPurple · on May 14, 2014 at 1:20 AM
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I think your mom's idea of inviting basically all the women sounds fine. Not everyone will make it and you don't risk hurting anyone's feelings by not inviting them.
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Master May 2014
The Mrs R · on May 14, 2014 at 1:25 AM
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My mom threw mine. No one thought anything of it. No one else offered to throw it, so I took her up on her offer! As long as you don't throw it yourself, I think it's fine. I agree with Jacque. I would skip the engagement party and just invite all the women you are close to to the shower. I didn't invite any OOT guests, but a couple of my extended family members knew about it and sent a gift anyway. They weren't upset about not being invited; we both understood that they wouldn't be able to travel here for it.
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Dedicated July 2014
Negean · on May 14, 2014 at 1:41 AM
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Maybe I missed something in the etiquette rule book but my mom threw my shower as well and I didn't think it was tacky at all. I had two showers though...My bridesmaids threw me one in San Diego for all our friends and the one my mom threw in Fresno was for family. Everyone was invited to both and that way no ones feelings got hurt.
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Super September 2014
Brandy · on May 14, 2014 at 6:18 AM
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Why would you think your mom throwing you a bridal shower is tacky or trashy? The issue is when you throw one for yourself. Also, most women in your invite list expect to be invited to the shower. You can have a shower and an engagement party, and people will come to whichever one they can attend.. just don't put any registry info on the engagement party invite and you should be good to go.
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VIP October 2014
MichiganBride104 · on May 14, 2014 at 6:48 AM
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Guess my mom is tacky and trashy then. Shoot.
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Master May 2014
Allyson · on May 14, 2014 at 7:08 AM
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We invited most of the women on the guest list. We skipped significant others of FH's friends and coworkers who I don't know because we didn't want them to feel out of place. We included OOT guests who were close friends and family (like FH's aunts) so they knew what was going on. We didn't expect them to come, but FMIL asked if they could receive an invite.
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Expert February 2015
KTSmom · on May 14, 2014 at 8:51 AM
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Things have changed! When I was married 41 years ago, it was considered inappropriate for the MOB to throw the bridal shower. I had 3 showers, one from my bridesmaids for my family, one from his family, and one in work. In today's world, I don't think it matters who throws it, other than the bride herself.
For my daughter's shower, I agree with Allyson. We'll invite both sides of the family, but probably no OOT guests, or wives/girlfriends of FH's friends that she doesn't know.
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