Mom Says Invite Aunt, Haven't Spoken In Years

Unfortunately since your parents are paying there isn’t much you can do besides decline the money and pay for it yourself and invite who you want.

I would just talk to your mother, honestly. We are having a large wedding, so we included distance aunts & uncles & cousins. My mom mentioned wanting to invite her brothers to the rehearsal dinner. I told her no, since neither of them reach out to me and haven't in 5+ years, haven't seen me in 15+ years and don't know my fiance. They don't respond to Christmas cards or graduation announcements or the save the dates. My parents are really kind about not controlling our guest list or anything, even though they are paying for the entire wedding.

Weddings are weird. People will decline an invite though you know they’d be offended if they never got one in the first place. We sent invites to aunts and uncles we knew would likely decline as they hadn’t been part of our life in many, many years. They all declined. If you really think they won’t come, I don’t know that it’s worth it to invite them - especially if you think your aunt is just not interested.

Your mom is paying which means she invites whoever she wants to. If you want to dictate the guest list that means you pay.

Unfortunately, you can’t put your foot down when someone else is footing the bill. So, you need to go with the flow, in order not to cause chaos. And maybe see if there’s away to add 5 more ppl to the list... Does your venue only hold a certain amount of ppl?

I wouldn't invite her. I can't imagine your parents would stop paying for things just because you don't want to invite one person that they want to. And if you explain to your mom that you haven't had anything to do with her, why would she still make you invite her?

Whoever pays should have final choice on guest list. Unfortunately if you want to have full control, then you should pay.

Did you have any sort of falling out with this aunt? Or just lost touch as families sometimes do? If no falling out or any sort of drama, I would invite her. If you don’t, that could cause more drama if the rest of the family is invited but she is not.

Just invite her. Your parents are paying and honestly it's not worth it to fight your mom on this. If you are genuinely not close she probably won't come, and even if she did it's not like you dislike her, you just dont know her well.

The person or couple who pays does not control the whole list, but should have 6-8 people of their choice, whom you otherwise would not invite, and the rest mutually agreed on only. If this foursome is the only issue, you can compromise on and and uncle, not kids you barely know, or all 4. If your mom is in contact 6-10 times in a year, her relationship with her sister is strong enough that she should have automatically been added by mom, to begin with. If this leaves you short on friends, take second jobs, earn enough to increase budget by 10% and have 8-10 more people. Or cut back, no little WP gifts, just one at end. No getting ready stuff, and if you were going to have a photographer then, cut that and have a handful of candids which you can pay the photographer to edit and print. Favors are unnecessary, tables can be all white or other standard color, no extra for matching accessories, will all save money. Then you can afford to have more of your friends, between earnings, and savings. And if anyone is planning a bachelorette, stay local. I do not know any couple in 15 years, except after a house fire, or cancer treatment, left them poor, whose families paid more than fifty percent. Which is why most people on WWire talk frequently of B & G making most choices. But your mom's sister is too close to mom, and she is the hostess, not you. And the hostess can invite some people, lifetime close to her, to see her daughter get married.

I think if your Mom is paying for the entire wedding and she wants her sister and her family to attend, then they should get an invite. Why fight with her on this? You are in a fantastic position to have someone pay for your entire wedding - this could be one way to thank her by not arguing with her guest list.

Unless you actively dislike this aunt, I’d probably just invite her.

I understand why you’d feel frustrated but I really feel like if people are helping financially they get some input on the guest list. Can you invite just your aunt and her husband? You might not consider her your nearest and dearest but your mom is obviously excited to have her see you get married. If she really isn’t interested (like you said) she probably wouldn’t take you up on the invite.

I see where you are coming from, as we too, had a small wedding. I chose not to invite any of my moms sisters or their husbands. We had not had a falling out, but they have not really shown much interest or support for me or my husband. So we chose to fill those 6 seats with people that actually did. But the difference is that we paid for the wedding ourselves, so we had that say.

I think you are stuck here. I would have a talk with your mom about it. If she feels strongly about it, then she should get her way. Hopefully they all decline.

You’re not paying so she should have a say in who’s invited.