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Just Said Yes September 2019

Mom not staying for reception. Need advice!

Melissa, on July 9, 2019 at 11:34 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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So my parents are divorced and don't really get along. I was just informed by my sister that my mom has decided she is going to attend only the ceremony portion of the wedding and will be leaving before the reception. Apparently she doesn't want to "deal with the drama". My dad has no intention of making any drama or even talking to her on the wedding day. I'm pretty upset because I feel like she's making my wedding about her and I fell like she's going to make a big dramatic exit to make a point. I'm tempted to just tell her that if she's not going to stay for everything, the she should just not come at all. What would you do if you were me?

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13 Comments

Latest activity by karen, on July 11, 2019 at 9:25 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 10, 2019 at 12:24 AM
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I'd just let it be actually. I feel like hey at least she showed up and if she wants to exit to prevent any possible drama then ok so be it. That way it causes less stress
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on July 10, 2019 at 12:57 AM
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You’ll be so blissed out, if she does slip out early you may not even notice. She might just be stressed but once she’s there may stay longer. Will you separate her from your dad at dinner? Maybe if she’s next to your grandma, aunt or another family member or friend she’ll be fine. Be glad she’ll come to your ceremony.
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VIP October 2020
Ingrid · on July 10, 2019 at 1:47 AM
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I think it's selfish for her not to put her personal feelings to the side and enjoy your day with you in totality. I would have a conversation with her and not just go by what your sister has said. Explain your feelings and let her decide. If after you speak with her and she decides to leave you know where you stand with her. As a parent sacrifices are a prerequisite that doesn't end with divorce from a spouse.
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Super July 2020
D · on July 10, 2019 at 2:49 AM
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I would talk to her. It's upsetting to you and she needs to know that. She may still feel she can only attend the ceremony but you've said your piece and cleared the air.
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Dedicated September 2019
Sasha · on July 10, 2019 at 3:31 AM
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Ya, my mom decided she's not coming at all. I wasn't that upset, till the next day my dad did the same. They were both nervous to see each other after many years. I told them both the other isn't coming, but they still opting to stay home, saying it's too long a flight. I was pretty upset, now a friend is walking me down the aisle. C'est la vie.
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Dedicated October 2019
Amanda · on July 10, 2019 at 7:17 AM
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I think you should let her do her thing. If shes pressured to stay she may become passive aggressive and if you tell her not to come at all im afraid you might regret it down the road. If she makes a dramatic exit try to let it roll off your back, people will do what they want, its all about how we react to it. This is your day and i think that shes leaving to ensure you are not stressed about possible drama.
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on July 10, 2019 at 9:29 AM
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I would talk to her about it. Let her know that you would love her to be there the whole time and that you are not asking her to interact with your father at all and you would like her to put their drama aside for one day to celebrate you.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on July 10, 2019 at 2:24 PM
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I would sit her down and say something like: "I find it extremely hurtful that you are trying to make our day about you and the past when we are celebrating me, my future spouse and our happy life together. You are my mother and I would be heartbroken if you skipped out on one of the most important days of my life. I have assurances from dad that there will no drama, and have taken steps to make sure you two are no where near each other at the reception, as this is for everyone to be happy and celebrate."
I would be heartbroken if my mom did this, but remember if she does, SHE is the one missing out and she will be the one with regrets down the road! Good luck!
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on July 10, 2019 at 2:26 PM
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I'm sending you good thoughts! It sucks that grown adults can't put things aside for one day, but your day will be amazing!!
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Master October 2019
Laura · on July 10, 2019 at 3:04 PM
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I totally agree with Ingrid
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Expert June 2019
MrsJohansson · on July 11, 2019 at 6:03 AM
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I'd ignore her. It is your day but I think it's better to share your feelings about how her decision makes you feel then drop it. There are a lot of parents who need to be alone that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Don't make it so personal. If she is there for the ceremony, that's really the minimum and the most important part of your day IMO.
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Devoted January 2021
Shelly · on July 11, 2019 at 8:47 PM
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I would be angry and upset if my mother did that. Many people are divorced and have children that get married. This day is about you and your FH. I personally think she should look beyond all that and be there for you both. I would try to talk to her about it, and assure her that you would never want her to be uncomfortable. Maybe sit them on opposite sides of the room or something. But I don't think her not going should be ok. Just my opinion though.
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Master October 2017
karen · on July 11, 2019 at 9:25 PM
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Let her come. Don't be nasty. Is your Stepmom the problem? Did dad have an affair?
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