Mom not excited?

3. Last week I was on the phone with her and she started lecturing me about the wedding, saying "I know you want this big fancy extravagant wedding but you're being a little ridiculous and need to cut back." I think this made me more upset because that is the complete opposite of what we want. I just finished telling her I want an outdoor, laid back wedding. I don't even know what she was referring to about "cutting back," let alone a big fancy extravagant wedding.

4. A few days after that, she randomly brought up how the best thing I can do is "have a court house wedding and just be done with this." This hurt me even more.

I truly don't understand what the issue is. She was so excited when we first got engaged and it got worse once planning started. She is not paying for anything nor have we ever asked her to pay for anything. It is getting to the point that I don't want to talk about the wedding at all with her anymore because she is nothing but negative. Should I not mention anything for a while? I feel guilty not talking to her about it but it is beginning to get unbearable.

"Thanks for the input, but since we are paying for the wedding ourselves, we'll be making the final decisions regarding size/décor/whatever." Stop talking to her about it, it's obviously only causing you frustration.

Stop talking about the wedding to her asap. Don't feel guilty about not talking to her about the wedding, it's not her business what you guys are doing or decided on.

If she wants to know details, give her minimum, change the subject, say it's a surprise, etc.

I would stop talking to her or anyone for that matter that will have an unsolicited opinion. I made the mistake of wanting everyone to feel involved and it's only backfired. My parents are divorced and remarried and they've only had court house weddings with a small party. Whenever I would tell them plans for anything they'd ask how much does that cost. My mom has volunteered to be the caterer, photographer, and decorator. Sigh none of which will happen and she was slightly offended. My parents are helping with some things like my dress, dj, and a small amount towards the reception. I think some of it jealously.

Does she expect to have to chip in? If you're paying for it, and it is causing stress between you too, than I would dial back the wedding talk for awhile. If she asks, give broad strokes and vague answers.

Is all you talk about the wedding? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in it, it's all we talk about. Make sure you bring up other topics, and ask how she is doing. Maybe there is some other source of stress in her life? Either way, good luck, and stick with what you want and can afford.

Simply stop talking to her about it. Send the STD and invite when the time comes and that's it.

I've been married twice before and my FH is a widow. My mother adores FH and actually started talking about us getting married before we started talking about getting married. The moment we announced we were engaged my mom wanted us to get married right then. We decided on 9/2018 because my FD is the president of her youth organization for a year and we felt it was important for her to enjoy her year without constant questions about us. My mom threw a fit, saying it was absolutely stupid for us to wait that long or to have a wedding at all since we'd been married to others before and we weren't getting any younger.

I explained how much she hurt me and it made her do a complete 360. She went dress shopping with me and was awesome with not negative word said.

OP - there is hope. Sit mother dear down and explain to her how much she is hurting your feelings and that because you and FH are paying for the wedding you hope she can just be happy that you are happy. Maybe she'll realize like my mom did!

Wait, does my mother have a second child I don't know about? Are you my long lost sister?

I am dealing with the same issues with my Mother. Mine is older (76) and has these things about sticking to old school etiquette, except for when it suits her and what she wants. They are paying for a few small things (my dress, the officiant, organist, bagpiper), but the rest is being paid for my my FILs and ourselves. I have learned one thing - no matter what you say it isn't going to help. She sees things her way. You just have to pick your battles and pick which hill you want to die on.

There are certain things that just aren't worth fighting over. Keep the wedding talk to a minimum. Take stuff under advisement, and don't go toe to toe with your Mom like I did. It isn't worth it. In the end, it is a single day (though an extremely important one!) and your relationship with your Mom is for a lifetime.

She's probably upset because she keeps hearing "No." My mom made the same courthouse wedding comment. I don't think she gets a say if she's not contributing. But if you want her excited, is there something you can delegate to her? Something that's low priority for you and can be her own? For example, I let my mom work on ceremony decor. My stepmom is working on decorating the mantel above the fireplace. It's small things that I don't really care to do. And it doesn't need to be perfect or even done at all. But they feel involved by doing it.

I'm fielding the mom pain too! So difficult because this is totally not how I envisioned my wedding planning!! Hope it gets better for you!

My mother and I already had a rocky relationship in fact the only reason we have one is because of my children and I would never discourage their relationships. She had been a great help with the wedding after we had a coming to Jesus talk about whose wedding it is and who is paying for it, once she got on the same page as FH and I she chilled out. She does wedding planning and has a lot of things she wanted us to use because she already had it, a lot of her ideas we used in my first marriage and I wanted nothing to do with all that.

My mom and I have never gotten along and it has only gotten worse since the wedding planning started. Demanding to pay, putting deposits down without us knowing, telling us she doesn't care what we want because she's the one paying, telling us it's not about us, telling us that we can't have what we want (court house wedding.) It's to the point now that her and I haven't spoken in a month. We told her we wanted the guest list capped out at 175 people we she ran it up to almost 300 people by inviting her entire office, family I've never seen/met, people I don't know etc. We got our final price for the menu and it came to $73 PP and she had the nerve to tell me she's not paying all that money for all those people and that my FH needs to cut his guest list down and she's refusing to remove anyone from my guest list. Told him if he wanted to invite all those people (75 total 50 of which are family) he had to pay for all of them himself even his parents.

She was never excited about planning a wedding, the only thing she was excited about was sinking her controlling claws back in (she needs help).

Did your mom have a big wedding of her own?

if not it could be jealousy sinking in.

she didnt get a big wedding like maybe she wanted so shes not happy you get to have one.

or maybe she wants to be a bigger "help" than you are allowing her. maybe her friends have said all the things their daughters let them do and shes got nothing to say to her friends about your wedding and helping you.

but i will conclude this problem is more about her and less about you.

I had to stop talking to my mother for these exact reasons. She wants to control everything. She didn't go dress shopping with me but she is always criticizing my dress i got to the point in where i don't care what she thinks.

So my advice to you is don't mention your wedding to her.

My mother isn't excited either. She hates that we're interracial and "living in sin." She's trying to rush the whole process to get it over with but I stand my ground with her. I don't give her an inch and neither should you. Have your wedding how you and your FH imagine it

Jealousy.

I agree with @MrsRush, talk to your mom and let her know how some of her comments are hurting your feelings. If that doesn't work, don't talk to her about the wedding. My mom was making comments about how FH and I shouldn't have a big wedding bc it wouldn't be a first for either of us. Once I explained that 1: we aren't having a big wedding and 2: we are paying for it so we are having what we want she changed her tune a little. Luckily my little brother just got engaged so he can take some of the heat for a while.

Both my parents actually did the same thing at the beginning, I simply ignored them. My husband and I paid for our wedding, so they didn't get to have an input on where we held it, and what we wanted. Once it got closer to the actual wedding though they were both excited for me and understood that I was going to do what I pleased. Hopefully when it gets closer she'll maybe get excited again for you!

Sounds like your mother has some control issues...I think she is tuning out when you're not giving her the reigns.

But your wedding is a year away. I'll bet my bottom dollar she'll get excited again as the date gets closer.