Mom is unhappy - feelings discouraged

I might not be the right person to weigh in on this one, but if your mom loves you, she will calm down and let this go. As for your grandma not doing a reading, I would definitely reach out directly. I might suggest sitting with your mom face to face and have a calm discussion. Good luck and happy planning.

My grandfather hates that we drink. He refuses to allow any at all on his land. If we had some I know he just wouldn’t drink. I’ll say your mom may not fully understand that people can drink and not be alcoholics. The Bible says to not become a drunken. The Bible actually says wine is a gift from God. Jesus drank wine. It’s all in moderation. Grandma can still do a reading. There is no reason not to... For some people once they see that one person becomes an alcoholic they think that’s how everyone is. I was like this for years as when my father drank he beat me. So I assumed that’s how everyone was. I grew up and understood he was just a bad person, and not everyone is like that.
I would make it clear (only if it’s brought up again) that it will be in moderation. Your friends aren’t huge drinkers and it won’t get out of control. It is your wedding. If she doesn’t want to drink then don’t. I’d put her with a table of ppl that don’t drink. She will get over it and not even notice day of. She might pout for a while and try to talk you out of it, but politely stand your ground and say something like “Mom I understand you don’t want this... BUT as this is my wedding and I am a grown woman we will be having alcohol there. I love you but it’s going to be okay. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t bring this subject up again as it does no good, and only upsets both of us.”
Hope this helps some.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for this pep talk and words of advice! You’re right. She has an adversity to alcohol and it honestly has nothing to do with Jesus. I think she just said that to spite me. I think I will just leave it alone like you said and if it’s brought up again I will just tell her this is my wedding and this is what we are doing and she’s just going to have to get over it cause no one is forcing her to drink. Thank you!!!

During the time of Jesus, drinking wine was common and accepted, just not to access. Jesus's first miracle was turning water into wine. However, there are also scripture that discusses not being a drunkard, or like during the last supper where it says fruit of the vine. My point is, there are many points of view, even during the time of Jesus. Yes there are those that believes abstinence is best while others believe a glass or 2 is fine. Do what you believe is right for you.

Remind her it's like going to a nice restaurant. They serve alcohol but you dont drink and you dont focus on other people and just enjoy your meal. Shes probably embarrassed be cause she doesnt believe it in and is hurt that you do. Remind her that it's bad ettique to not provide a bar and you want to be classy.

I suspect your mom will get over it, but if I were you, I wouldn’t serve alcohol. Not because of your mom’s opinion, but because of other reasons you stated: your dad is a recovering alcoholic and many of your guests are religious, where alcohol makes them uncomfortable. Besides, it will save you quite a bit of money. On the other hand, I do understand why you want to serve it since you feel it’s more “you and your future hubby.”

View Quoted Comment I completely agree. I feel like it shouldn’t matter to her what other people choose to drink. But I’m sure it’s probably just that she thinks she raised us better. My brother, her “Golden” child got a dui earlier this year and I’m sure that’s part of it too. Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Honestly all of those people were the reason I wasn’t going to. But if I didn’t, the people that do drink would probably bring their own or otherwise be uncomfortable themselves. With about an even split with my guest list, we ultimately decided that we were going to do what was truly us. We will not be wild or disrespectful in any way. And to be frank, my dad and I don’t have much of a relationship as he was absent most of my life. We have been trying to mend things over the last couple years so I put a lot of thought into this for him. Not wanting to trigger him on an already emotional day. But I decided that he is a grown man. It’s not like he doesn’t go to restaurants that serve alcohol. I will not bring my glass around him and will be sensitive to him. In the end, after all the stressing I’ve done over every little thing since I started planning, I think I finally understand why everyone keeps saying “do what makes you happy” and it’s not because it’s all about us, but it’s because if we don’t just do what makes us happy, we will drive ourselves crazy trying to pick “a side” with everything. 🤷🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment That is true! And if we go any further on that topic, there’s a lot of things that we do that are not what the Bible says we should do. I mean, my fiancé and I have lived together 3 years and obviously that includes premarital sex. There are tons of things that people do every day that we shouldn’t. And I am one of those believers that feels that a few drinks every now and then will not hurt me. And I think it’s more than she doesn’t like drinking. I think she through the prayer thing in my face to spite me/guilt me. But she’s not super religious either. She’s never had a problem with us living together. I guess it’s one of those things she’s going to have to learn to agree to disagree with me on.

I don’t think Jesus would approve of her speaking to you that way and threatening you over your wedding plans either. You didn’t say your grandmothers perspective on things, but I would verify that she’s not going to be as stubborn as your mother is claiming before doing anything. It’s not up to your mother to say what your grandmother is or is not going to do. Furthermore, when you host an event such as a wedding, you have to take into consideration the likes of your guests. No one would bat an eye if you’re offering a vegan dish to satisfy one guest. It shouldn’t be a big deal that you are offering alcohol to please half of them. Unfortunately you can never make everyone happy all the time, and this includes your mother. I suggest standing your ground on this if for no other reason than to prepare yourself for when it happens again (like when you have a baby).

Oh man my mom pitched so many fits. She would call my wedding a *inserts finger quotes* “wEDdiNg” all sarcastically because I didn’t do everything she wanted.

I stopped telling her things. I know it sounds harsh but I got through it because she couldn’t throw a fit about things she didn’t know about

View Quoted Comment Exactly! The only thing that matters is your happiness with the love of your life.

They'll get over it. They'll be annoying but they'll get over it. my mom made such a fuss about my tattoos for years and on my wedding it was no exception but I think she just let it go that night because there was so much going on

Hannah Your mom because she loves you will get over it.

The wedding is about you and your husband and if you guys are social drinkers and you know your crowd by all means have your drinks. I wish you the best on your big day!

View Quoted Comment Yes, you make a good point. My nanny is not as judgmental as my mom. She might not LIKE it, but I don’t think she would punish me for it either. I am just going to have to learn to accept my moms disappointment. If I changed my mind about the alcohol now it would be simply to please her and I don’t think that’s right since its my wedding and I’m finding it. Thanks for the words of encouragement!

View Quoted Comment I might just have to do that. Just keep everything else to myself. She also told me it was stupid and redneck to have cornhole at the wedding. Welll.... we are redneck. And people love the idea. What’s the problem?🙄

I mean.. Jesus turned water into wine...

Remind your mom that Jesus's first miracle was turning water into wine at the wedding in Cana. He went with His mother, they were with friends, were merry, and Mary asked him to help with the wine that had run out. She herself, asked Him to perform the miracle, and for His mother, He did it. The sin is alcoholism, not wine or beer. I understand that she might be scared of it because of her experience with your dad, but he should be strong enough to resist it. She needs to remember that its a wedding, its a celebration, and wine is not a sin. Good luck

I totally understand what you are going through. My husband, his family and friends drink, but I don't. My dad is a recovering alcoholic. My mom, brother and his wife don't drink. My sister and her boyfriend do so when we planned our wedding my husband insisted on having alcohol. I wasn't happy about it because I was concerned about my father being around alcohol. At the wedding, our venue made a mistake and had a champagne toast despite me asking them not to. My dad accidentally drank it thinking it was some type of sparkling drink since we told my family we weren't going to do a champagne toast. It was very upsetting to me and my entire family. He was uspet because he felt he ruined his sobriety and I felt terrible. The bar was closed during dinner so we asked them to close it longer until he left. He was planning on leaving early anyways because he didn't want to be around the alcohol. He left about 30 minutes after dinner so the bar was only closed for an extra 30 minutes. My brother also left with my dad, but my mom and sil stayed to support me. If it had been up to me, we wouldn't have had alcohol. You have to do what you want, but if they aren't comfortable being around the alcohol then you can't force them to be. My family wasn't happy about it, but thry were still there to support me. I was sad my dad and brother left early, but I understand why. I was just happy they stayed long enough to see the cake cutting, my husband and I's first dance, the daddy daughter dance, and the first song that was played after all those events because we choose for the first song to be my parents wedding song since they cancelled their big wedding and eloped so I wanted them to have a chance to actually dance to their wedding song.

This is your wedding. You are trying to do right by everyone. Beer and wine is a good medium i think. Just sit with her and ask her to see your side. The people that want to indulge are welcome to - and those that don't or cant - wont. I don't think its something she should be disappointed about.