Mom is negative every step of my wedding planning

My advice is to stopping sharing information with her. I would only share information about wedding planning with those that are actually supportive and unfortunately she has proven that she isn't one of those people. While I totally understand you want your mom at your wedding, you can't make her attend. Honestly based on how she is acting I'm not even sure I'd really want her there. I would worry she would make a scene or cause problems that you don't really need.

Exactly. Some people you cannot talk to about wedding stuff and even if she asks just change the subject or just say I want to keep everything a surprise. She is who she is and won't change but you can avoid her negativity. The day is about you and your fiance.

Veronica worded it perfectly! While you may want her to be included in wedding planning, it's apparent that she won't have anything nice to say about any part of it, so the best thing to do is to keep her far away from it.

Her using things to get her way, and guilt tripping you is not healthy behavior, and I wouldn't feel comfortable having my mother at my wedding if she was treating me that way. My heart goes out to you, and hope the rest of planning goes a lot more smoothly.

Hi sweetie hugs. I would quit talking to her about wedding ideas and or plans use blank statements if she asks whos invited just say were inviting family and friends. if she asks for details say I don't know or haven't decided yet. if you want to talk about your wedding that's what we are for.

You're welcome! I understand toxic people. My grandfather wrote off my mom right after my husband and I got engaged and he was terrible to our entire family. He actually kept his family (his mom & 11 siblings) out of my mom and our lives since my mom was a young child because he was estranged from them. Since my mom's fallout from him she has reconnected with his mom and siblings. It really sucks how toxic some people can be.

First, I agree with everyone who said to stop sharing details with her. It's really unfortunate, especially since she's the only parent you have. But that doesn't entitle her to abuse you, and make you feel bad about your own wedding planning!

Second, invite your step dad, and if you want him to walk you, ask him!! It's your wedding day, you should be able to plan it how you want, and decide who you want to walk you. That's nobody else's decision, no matter the family circumstances. I can understand your mother's feelings of shame and inadequacy. Nobody wants to have to face their ex when they don't look and feel their best. But she's only got herself to blame, and she's the only one who can do something about it. She's being really selfish threatening not to come. For now, since you do have a lot of time, I would suggest behaving as if "it is what it is." Tell her you're sorry to hear that she won't come if step dad is there, but remind her that just because their relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean you don't still care for him as a father, and he for you. She should want you to have whatever makes you happy, and put her own feelings aside for your special day. I suspect that if you hold your ground about the things you want for your wedding day, eventually she may give up on her selfish drama. When she realizes that you're getting married no matter what she does, hopefully she'll get on board. Good luck. Happy planning!

It really depends on your relationship with him. I know my husband's older half siblings (his dad's two children) are really close with his mom (their former step-mom) even though his parents are divorced. His older half siblings are estranged from the dad, but they consider his mom a second mother. She has attended both of their weddings and every family function. I thought it was strange at first, but I've gotten used to it. Don't let your mom's feelings about him make you feel like he shouldn't be there if you want him there. I'm sure that my father-in-law doesn't like that my mother-in-law has a relationship with his two children especially because he doesn't, but it isn't up to him who his children are close to just like it's not up to your mom.

My mother is a toxic narcissist, so I feel you.

We didn't put her name on the invitations, and the problem solved itself - she refused to come!

It's hard, though, because our culture puts such an emphasis on the MOB and that relationship, so I'm very sorry. You're not alone.

Her behavior and her actions are not your fault, your concern, or even in your control. Put your health and safety first, and then deal with her in a way that allows for that.

Keep her out of the loop, change the topic, "no" is a complete sentence, and take thineself to therapy!

Good luck!

People who make their entire wedding about their family are rarely happy.

Ultimately it is a celebration of your union with your partner and the joining of the two families. Although it may be difficult for some people to understand/accept...the wedding should truly be about you and what you want.

Although it may be painful, you have to be firm about what you want and accept that it is not your responsibility to make others happy.

Like many others have said, I would simply not tell her details anymore. It is only going to cause you heartache in the end.