Mom is jealous of FILs

I would suggest having a sit down conversation with her and get to the root of these issues. I think it's a lot deeper than jealousy. Maybe perhaps she's feeling inadequate because she cannot afford to contribute in the same context. Whatever it is you need to clear the air with her before it becomes a giant wedge between you and her and potentially your FH and FILs.

I agree with PP. It may be a lot deeper than jealousy. Maybe she feels like she is losing you, because she can't be there for you as much as she would like to be.

Your mom might be having feelings of insecurity and/or inadequacy. Let her know how much she means to you. She might think she's losing you to your FIL's because she can't compete with the things they can do for you.

My mom is acting the same as yours. My in-laws to be are much more well off than my parents. Although neither side is contributing, I live about a half hour away from my FMIL and over 2 from my mom. So FMIL has helped out more than my mom. I tried talking to her but she denies she is acting this way. I tell her I love her everyday and remind her that she is my rock. I'm hoping after the wedding she'll go back to normal lol.

I think Robyn's response is the one to go with -- keep telling her you love and value her. I'm guessing she is just upset that the future in-laws are able to do more for you, and worried that you'll start being more "theirs".

Silly, maybe, but people ARE silly!

My in laws are acting very similar to you parents. There is something beyond jealousy going on here. My FH is going to talk with them. At the end of the day jealousy is a green eyed monster but communication and honesty is key!

I agree with everyone else have the conversation, idk how involved she is but maybe just ask her opinion on things more and include her in trips to the venue, florists ect. (Maybe she can help you DIY some things.) We're paying for our wedding ourselves but i always be sure to ask my mom and FMIL to tag along for trips to our venue, or garage sale hunting/ antique shops ect. I know its important to them to feel included even though they cant contribute financially. hopefully she'll come around!

I agree with PP. When you sit down with your mom to talk about this, be gentle. It sounds like she's really hurting.

My mom is like this just in general about my in-laws, not even wedding related. My parents paid for our wedding and MIL had absolutely nothing to do wedding plans...my mom just get jealous that the inlaws live closer to us than my parents do and it does cause us some issues. BUT this is how she has always been about life in general..everyone is better than her or out to get her or whatever, even with therapy and counseling she is still this way. Also-she has no reason to feel these inadequacies as none of them are true. I've had many a conversation with her about my in-laws trying to smooth things over, but didn't see a change. In general now I just don't discuss anything about his family with my mom because i'd rather not stir the pot. Is it stupid--absolutely. but also not worth draining me emotionally to deal with when I know its not going to change.

I have a similar issue with my mother but it has nothing to do with finances. She's relatively involved in the planning. I try to be as inclusive as possible with my future mother-in-law. However if my in laws do something for us, my mother wants to do it too. For example, my in laws were going to fly out with us for the cake tasting, then my mom said she wants to come along as well. Well when it turns out that my in laws aren't coming, neither is my mother. lol

I think it's just a hard thing for a mother to get used to. To understand that someone else is coming into your life and you need to develop a relationship with that person as well.

I agree that you should tell her how much you love and appreciate her and then maybe take her out for a nice Sunday brunch, just the two of you. It might also help not to tell her as much about what his parents are doing for you. If she's having a hard time handling it, maybe less is more.

My mom does this too (not about money). She gets weird if I either say no to doing something with her or mention doing something with my in-laws. My in-laws are about 15 minutes away in the same city, and my parents are about 20 minutes away, so we see both of them pretty frequently, but we went away with my in-laws last summer for a weekend, and my mom's response was to announce that she and my dad (and my brother) were coming up to my family's summer cottage for the first weekend of the week that DH and I were going to be there because we went away with them for a weekend, so now we can do a weekend with my family (never mind that this is a 1 bedroom cottage). It's really obnoxious, and I haven't figured out a great way to deal with it other than not telling my mom more than necessary about plans with the in-laws.

Just continue to ignore it. At the same time, include your mom as much as possible to make her feel special and important. Also, it may be better to not mention some of these details to your mom - she doesn't need to know that the engagement party is being catered until she gets there, for example.

Thanks for the advice

I definitely think I'll first try not to share much with her when is comes to what they do. Right now I don't tell her unless she ask- which is how she found out about the catering- but I'll try only giving need to know information.

I also will talk to her and maybe have a nice conversation about my DIY projects and invite her to help if she'd like, then ask her how she is feeling.

Growing up we had a very bad relationship but in the last few years we've really built a new one and have gotten very close and I want to continue to help it grow .

Thank you all so much for you POV. Helped me get my not so clear head some order

I think it's just hard for moms, especially with their daughters that they're close to. My mom is pretty good about the wedding, but we live about an hour and a half away from most of FH's family (even though his parents are in another country), whereas my family is on the other side of the country. It's hard for her when we spend weekends and holidays there. She just wishes she was more involved and could see us more.

My mother is somewhat like this. She can't contribute, but makes rude comments on mine and FH's decisions. All I want her to do is show up and have a good time. When she found out that I didn't want her to make a necklace for my wedding dress she threw a fit. I will tell you that sometimes it's best to leave her in the dark about details. I did and it helps a little bit.