Mom invited unwanted guest

This happened to me at my elopement, I made my grandma tell the people she invited they will be welcome.to.the wedding in June when we have our big celebration, but this ceremony is intimate and private. She was unhappy about it and I'm dealing with some drama now from the people she had to uninvited but I'll deal if they decide not to come over pettiness.

Your mom shouldn’t be inviting anyone at all if she’s not paying. If you’re paying, and you don’t want this person there, your mom needs to respect that. If this person is truly not wanted there, and YOU and FH did not invite, you need to stand your ground on this.

No pay. No say.

I have told her she needs to explain that she mis-spoke and didn't realize how small it is or something to that effect. She flat out refuses. Do I call the person myself? I just am at a loss. She had no right and now I have to fix it.

I think if she’s refusing, you might have to call them yourself. Don’t be afraid to throw your mother under the bus though, given that she’s refusing to sort it out - say “unfortunately my mother invited you without checking with me first, and we just don’t have room to accommodate any extra guests. I’m sorry for her misunderstanding but we aren’t able to extend an invitation to you.” Don’t offer that they can come to the reception though. And tell your mother if she invites any more people, she will have to give up HER place at the wedding for them, because you do not want a single person more there. Stick to your guns and I’m sorry your mother is behaving so awfully.

I'd let mom know that if she doesn't call this person by X date to clear up the situation then you will. If you have to call don't use excuses like not enough room or budget. People will go into problem solving mode; "surely someone will decline and I can have their seat" or "I'll pay for my dinner". Simply say that you can't accommodate them. If they push back just say it is impossible.

Thank you ladies💕

View Quoted Comment ^^ agree 100%

Tell her that there is no room and my mom got confused I told her that it was ok to invite ppl to the reception but our ceremony is just immediate family and very close friends of mine and FH. And it seems to me u have to call her to tell her cause ur mom isn't gonna and let ur mom know u are calling her to tell her if she dont i bet u she will get it done.

If she refuses i would do it yourself. If you have to blame her. Just say something along the lines of the ceremony is private but ur more than welcome to come to the reception in a few months. Im so sorry she was confused. If she was paying for the wedding i would probably let it slide. But this is ur day and ur paying so you do what you gotta do to make sure its perfect! My parents are inviting a bunch of their friends to the ceremony and reception, and im totally okay with that because they are paying for all the food and alcohol. I paid for all the decorations and everything else so it didnt effect mw. I did have to order more favors but that was no big deal.

Stand your ground, you’re paying for it and she can’t force you to have someone there that isn’t wanted. Maybe reach out to that person and say that they are more than welcome to come to your reception but as for the wedding you are having a very limited number of people.

View Quoted Comment What she said!

Your mom should have no say if you’re paying for everything. I would sit her down, have a chat, and tell her that she cannot go around inviting people without clearing it by you first (and that’s if you’re willing to even clear it).

I’d you’re paying for everything I would kindly tell your mom it’s not her choice. You shouldn’t have to have anyone you don’t like at your wedding!

Where is this garden? If it's at your Mom's house, I think you're out of luck. If it's a venue, give a list to your DOC or venue manager of people invited and only those people are allowed in.

It is a city garden so its not at her house but their is really no way to keep people out either. This person makes me so uncomfortable and upset that I don't see why I should have to deal with that on my day and why my mother just can't respect that.

View Quoted Comment

I'm so sorry your mother is being so careless with your feelings. I'm not sure who this person is, but you're right and she should be respecting your guest list since you are paying and who attends is your decision with your future husband.

We want to share this experience of wedding planning with certain people - our friends and our parents especially. Sometimes however, we aren't fortunate enough to have the relationships or circumstances that allow for this. It sounds like it may be time to stop sharing details with your mother. If she is hurt you can let her know that she is not respecting your wishes and you do hope to see her at the wedding but you cannot involve her in the plans anymore. I think you can be proud of setting boundaries with this person. Keep doing so and make sure that you can feel safe and happy while you get married.

I just wouldn't send her an invitation, and tell your mom you can't afford it. I think you need to put your foot down, or she will keep doing it.