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Julie
Savvy December 2020

Mom hit a new low

Julie, on October 24, 2020 at 2:02 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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My first dress fitting was Sunday. I was so excited and happy especially since my mom and i recently reconciled. Her attitude was lack luster to say the least. My Aunt on the other hand helped me into my dress and gave input for alterations. My mom just sat there and kept trying to direct the conversation back to her. Fast forward to the next evening and i stopped by to help my mom set up her tv. I went to the bathroom and overheard her telling my great aunt that she was so glad i chose to have removable drape sleeves because my arms look soooooo fat in my dress. I kept my cool grabbed my stuff and said i had to go. I really want to blow my stack but I'm trying not to. She's slightly narcissistic and has toxic traits. How can i approach this without causing a blow up?

16 Comments

Latest activity by MIWM, on October 26, 2020 at 3:43 PM
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I'm sorry, my mother is toxic and a narcissist as well.

    To be perfectly blunt, she got offended by our invitations and so therefore she did not come to the wedding.

    ...I won't lie, that was my ideal solution. (She's still waiting for me to call her crying. It's been a year and a half.) I wish my cousins hadn't mostly sided with her, but that's the way she lies to everyone. I won't feed that fire.

    The best way I had to deal with her, when I did at all, was to ALWAYS have someone else with us (DH was a great buffer, she either behaved around him, or, towards the end, she was kind of scared of him? ..Which was silly, all he was doing was being there for my moral support. I was the one fighting the fights, as it were.) - someone on your side. It helps kill the gaslighting, and also gives them an audience to impress.

    Know that her comments are coming from deep insecurity.

    Also know that you have every right to cut contact, if you wish. (It's glorious. I am so much happier.)

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  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    Some people are never going to change. The most valuable lesson I learned was a hard one: you either learn to live with, or you don’t. I don’t. I have spoken to mother in probably 3 years and my dad longer. My mom is similar to yours, it sounds like, and always has to be the center of attention. But most importantly, will never EVER admit she’s wrong, so confrontation, even when approached in a calm way, will inevitably lead to a blow up. You have to make a choice on whether or not you want to cut contact, or just try to let her comments roll off your shoulder.
    I’m sorry and good luck!
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  • Jai Butcher
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai Butcher ·
    • Flag
    My husbands family is similar. Especially his parents. He keeps them at arms length and sees them very rarely. Some family you will have to create boundaries to protect yourself
    • Reply
  • Julie
    Savvy December 2020
    Julie ·
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    Mom hit a new low 1

    Mom hit a new low 2

    Mom hit a new low 3
    Thank you ladies. I didn't speak to her for 4 months this summer following a blow up we had concerning my dad. I eventually caved because i want my parents there, especially my Dad to see me get married. I'm keeping my distance at the moment and she won't be invited to anymore fittings. Thank you for your support!
    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    You look beautiful in your dress! I say skip the sleeves and be confident and beautiful in your dress. Your FS will be so in love with the person standing in front of them.
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  • Monica
    Devoted August 2021
    Monica ·
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    Your dress is beautiful and you look so pretty and happy in it. I don't see any fat arms anywhere! My mom is somewhat the same and its very discouraging. How do you feel in the dress? Mine makes me feel more beautiful than I've ever been so that helps her comments roll off my back.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Some people even blood related will never change no matter what. And even when you cut ties with them thinking that will get them to open their eyes the still won't, some people will never see the wrong in their doings and then play victim to everyone and make you out to be the bad guy. Unfortunately you got to come to terms with the fact that your mom will always be one of them toxic people and probably never change. There's really only one of two thing to do, you can either just deal with your toxic mom the rest of your life and deal with her mistreating you and making you miserable, or you can decide to live a peaceful life without her and come to terms with the fact that she is nothing but an egg donor. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I know how much it can hurt and how much strength it can take to cut the ties with her. My dad has a very toxic mother, I won't even call her grandmother she doesn't deserve that name. My dad, mom and us kids dealt with her toxic behavior for years before my dad finally cut her out of his life. And I know and can see it on his face how hard of a decision it was, but now my dad is happy without her. He just considers her an egg donor.
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  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie ·
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    You look absolutely beautiful, you will definitely make such a beautiful bride.
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  • Samantha
    Devoted October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    Seriously, you look lovely. Your dress hits you in all the right places! And your smile says it all. It's hard to discount when toxic parents say toxic things. Try to view her as 'just another adult'. A person you can ignore at will. People like this won't change, but you certainly do not have to tolerate them.
    • Reply
  • Julie
    Savvy December 2020
    Julie ·
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    I agree she is toxic. I have always been the one to try to make peace with everyone else when she has stuck her foot in her mouth. I want to see how the next few months go. That will decide if she gets to stick around when babies are born. I will not have my future kids growing seeing the toxic cycle i saw when it came to her and my grandma. The subtle emotional and mental abuse cycle ends with me.


    Thank you for compliments about my dress. I went with a plain dress so i could go crazy with accessories. I'm extra like that 😘 Batshit and bougie as my friends say💜 I'll keep the sleeve not because of her hateful comment but because i want them and i think they'll add a touch of fairytale to my day. Plus they'll be removable so i can pop them off at the reception and when she leaves I'll do a big bingo wing flappin wave goodbye😂😂😂
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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I would tell her that I don't appreciate her being mean and negative
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  • Samantha
    Devoted September 2020
    Samantha ·
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    It seems weddings can bring the worst out in parents. The whole wedding planning process my mom seemed to not be interested but I ignored it and were fine now. On the other hand, I talked to my dad and hung up all the time ( didn’t really talk wedding) but the day before we got into a huge fight & now I talk to him once a month to tell him his phone bill money is due( he’s on my plan). Sometimes it’s just easier to let go
    Also the week before the wedding reception my husband got into a huge argument with his mom. She didn’t show up to the ceremony or reception ( we had 2 separate events) & I ask him maybe once every 2 weeks if he’s talked to his mom and he always tells me no. It may seem rude or childish but to me it’s why stress over someone who clearly doesn’t care to see their child / family member happy.
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  • Michelle
    VIP April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    I would set up some immediate boundaries with her. Let her know that if she continues with these cruel comments then she will not be involved or invited to the wedding.
    On a more positive note- you look absolutely radiant in your dress! That veil is perfect!
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  • Olusola
    Dedicated November 2020
    Olusola ·
    • Flag
    I’m sorry that happened. ❤️ I say you forgive her, yes, even before she apologizes. Forgiveness in your heart will help you way more than it will her, let it go.
    Be that as it may, it sounds like a excellent time in your relationship to start putting down boundaries. Enforcing boundaries can be difficult, because ultimately we love our parents and don’t want to hurt them, but it’s vital in maintaining your own peace. This is something I’ve had to go through myself and it’s ongoing and frustrating but Jesus has been helping me through it.
    I hope everything works out.
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  • CountryBride
    Devoted April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    I am sorry she said that. your arms are fine and the dress is beautiful. I hope you don't listen to your mom and you focous on how amazing you look best wishes and congrats

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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
    • Flag

    I am so very sorry to hear this and feel you pain. My Mom is a Narcissist and begged to come dress shopping with me ( I was going to happily go alone) I agreed to let her come and she made a comment about me having some back fat and at one point made a comment and said your trying on another dress? I have yard work to do you need to hurry up. I said you are more than welcome to call dad and have him come get you I am not finished, I refused to allow her to ruin my dress shopping experience. 2 other moms heard what My mom had said and felt bad for me, they complimented and uplifted my spirit. It's sad when your own mom tries to hurt you.

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