Mom feels left out?

I'm having similar issues, with my MOH, but as for a mom, what has worked with my FMIL is I will call her asking for advice a lot or to update her on things. It makes her feel included even with things that she isn't necesarrily helping with. Having her feeling in-the-know seems to be working well for us. I think it's much better to ask her advice or show her ideas before making decisions, so she feels like you trust her judgment and want her input. It's a good problem we have, everyone wanting to help!

It is a good problem! That's a good idea, just to ask her what she thinks of certain ideas or looks? I think I'm struggling because we aren't really in the swing of planning yet. I don't want to start so early and then change our minds, so it's hard to ask her opinions on things we're not close to deciding on... You're about as far away from your day as I am, what aspects of the wedding are you focusing on?

I totally hear where you are coming from!

Luckily, all my BMs are close to my family (we've been friends and family for so long that they all call my Mom "Mama Rose"). So I've asked my BMs to make sure that they are including her They text her and ask for her opinion and stuff.

Also, I keep her updated on whats happening. Even though she isnt DOING something, I give her the run down on everything. So when we met with the photographer last week, I called her on the way home and told her all about it. Keeping her informed has helped a lot

It'll get better when you are closer and there is more to do! She'll feel included with dress shopping, you can go with her to pick HER dress, lunches, bridal shower, etc.

Sorry - I was behind! I agree with Holly!

Sounds like you are involving her as much as you can right now by involving her in the guest list and dress shopping. I would say to set up a time maybe once a week to update her on all things wedding. You are pretty far out, but maybe there are little projects you could come up with for her? Like if you know you want to use a certain type of frame for table numbers, have her look for them and price them out. Or if she is crafty have her work on a DIY with you. This might be for more down the line though as its a little early to buy most things. Maybe the two of you could come up with the list now though, so she knows you plan to give her those projects down the line?

That's super sweet of your BMs! Maybe I'll have them do something similar since my BMs have the same sort of relationship with my mom. I will definitely keep her in the loop! Maybe even ask her about her opinions on STDs, etc..

I'm having a similar issue with my mom, largely because I live a thousand miles away from her. I'm doing my best to send her pictures of my ideas, asking for her input on things that I don't feel strongly on, and letting her know when I plan to start undertaking certain things so that she knows that I'm not forgetting her, I'm just not there yet. We text a lot, so it's been pretty simple to send her pictures of what I'm thinking and let her know when I contact a vendor or undertake something new.

I don't know why so many people are salty about missing out on wedding planning. This shit sucks. I would love to be left out of this crapfest in the future.

So salty

We booked a church, reception venue, asked our bridal party, and I found a dress (super early, I know, but it was the thing my mom wanted to do most!). Now it's more about pinteresting and talking about ideas for Stds, colors, when things will be like shower, bachelorette, all that. It's the fun part! Having the venue done made me relax and now I want to book a photographer in the next month or so at least for engagement photos since we want them in the same season as the wedding will be next year. But it's fun brainstorming ideas now with the venue booked because we can think about the venue when thinking about colors, flowers, favors, etc but there isn't pressure like when picking a date with things getting booked up!

That's true! I just booked my venue last Saturday with my mom and she LOVED it. It's good you found your dress early though! My friend was a wedding planner and she said that a lot of times, the vision starts with the dress and changes to fit what the dress looks like. I thought it was strange at first but as I'm planning more and more, it makes a lot of sense!

You do have lots of time still, so reassure her that you will need her help soon! I told my mom that I would love her help picking my flower arrangements. I am getting FMIL and her sister to help me assemble my DIY invitations. MOH and BMs are planning a shower and bachelorette party. I think for now people feel included but I want to keep people busy. At least those that want to help out.

The first time i went bridal gown dress shopping i invited the mother of the groom to go with. The second time it was just my mom, my sister and I that went. That made my mom feel very special and included. I also went to bridal fairs with my mom. She loved doing that!

I think an easy way to include her (like people said above), is to ask her opinion on things. I am constantly google chatting with my mom and sister, just asking opinions (dress, accessories, hair, makeup, prices, hotel block, DJ, flowers, BM dresses, etc.) and updating them on what I'm doing...

I was kind of planning on keeping my mom in the dark about stuff (we have different tastes and she criticizes what I spend money on), but after reading this post, I'm going to have to rethink it!

I don't have any advice other than what's already been posted. Just keep her in the loop!

Another thing I forgot to say about moms! I also have been asking my mom and my FMIL about is how other people they know did things, and sometimes I've asked them to reach out to friends of the family to see what they did in terms of different things (like timing, where they looked for dresses, ,etc). That way there are less people I have to ask for how they went about things or who they hired, they get to chat with other people about the wedding, and I don't feel too obligated to those other people's advice since they didn't introduce me or tell me directly.

I feel the same way I don't mean to exclude her but me and FH are having fun planning together and enjoying the extra time it gives us. Having my mom run around with us just feels strange. I try to do things with her alone like attend bridal expos and show her all my ideas to try and include her more. I guess she's just trying to grab on to whatever time she has before I get married and move out of state

MrsCamilo, I have a suspicion that my mom has the same motive. I think it's hard for moms to be excited sometimes because they feel sort of like we're leaving them... I hope I can turn the planning into more of a bonding experience than a sad "I'm never going to see you again" experience!

I had this issue with my mom. I tried giving her a couple tasks but she would just complain about having to do them. I realized nothing was going to make her happy. She even asked to walk me down the aisle and I said no. I wrote her a card that said something like, I know you wish for a bigger role in the wedding. In my opinion you have a very important role, to be there for me and guide me on my wedding day. It seemed to have helped and she relaxed a bit.