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Just Said Yes August 2021

Moh/sister drama with her birthday Help!!!

M, on March 7, 2021 at 12:55 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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My original wedding date was last November and is now planned for May 8th. When we postpone last summer we made sure all our family and wedding party that the date worked and there would be no conflicts for the pre-wedding events. A few weeks ago my sister/MOH and I were trying to sort out which weekend for my bachelorette party would work for everyone schedule where she sprung on me that she might take a trip for her 30th birthday to another country for the entire month leading up to the wedding which might not even happen because the borders are iffy with covid. Before the talk about my bachelorette the trip was never mentioned as a factor and the trip would eliminate all viable weekends for my bach. I was taken off guard by the possible trip and was confused, and a bit hurt, that she thinks that’s okay when she agreed to be my MOH more than a year prior and okayed the postponed wedding timeline. She has purchased no tickets, has no concrete plans, and the borders are still questionable for said unplanned trip but is angry with me that I don’t agree with a MOH being gone in another country up until the rehearsal dinner. This is also after she has complained to our mom that I don’t include her enough so I made sure to include her in all the plans and details. Ive told her several times if going on the trip is what she needs to do to be happy but she just says I’ll hold it against her, which I wouldn’t if this is what she needs. Basically this boils down to her thinking her 30th birthday needs to be celebrated for an entire month and is more important than the commitment she made to be my MOH and supporting her little sister in the weeks leading up to my wedding. I think it’s also worth mentioning she doesn’t believe in marriage and has never been in a relationship. Is it unreasonable to be hurt by my sister thinking it’s okay to up and leave for the month before the wedding and that her 30th birthday needs to be celebrated for an entire month?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Willow, on March 7, 2021 at 2:40 PM

June 2021
Dj Tanner · on March 7, 2021 at 1:04 PM
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I can understand why she would want to go now. She only turns 30 once, and I’m sure she’s going on this trip for very cheap. She will probably never get the same prices any other time in her life. I understand she agreed to be your maid of honor, but typically a maid of honor is only responsible for showing up and being by your side on your wedding day. Maybe she also feels like you feel about your wedding. You’re implying that she only gets one day for a birthday, yet it’s almost as if you’re implying that you get over a year for your wedding day. Not trying to be harsh, just trying to give my honest opinion that you asked for
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on March 7, 2021 at 1:06 PM
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She’s being ridiculous although I can see how she may be emphasizing her 30th birthday because she wants something special to celebrate too (and doesn’t sound like that would be marriage). Although you don’t get a say in how she prioritizes her life you can absolutely share how hurt you are and the kind of support you hoped for from her. But it’s very possible she can handle everything before she dashes off (orders/alters her MOH dress, throws you a bridal shower/bachelorette party if she wants, etc). There aren’t really requirements of the bridal party besides getting their outfits and supporting you the day of, but I can understand your disappointment that she won’t be around the month before for hugs, support, advice, etc. 🤗
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 7, 2021 at 1:21 PM
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My sister is my MOH and lives across the country, so I won't see her until my rehearsal dinner. Also due to travel restrictions, I won't be having a bachelorette party. If I were you, I would let it go and let your sister do whatever she wants, so long as she is there for the big day.

Also can't you do something in April?
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Just Said Yes August 2021
M · on March 7, 2021 at 1:39 PM
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I want her to go at this point and have told her on several occasions, sincerely, to book the trip but now she won’t because I was upset when she mentioned the possibility and says I will use it against her which is childish to think. After the first fight about it she said she would plan her trip right after the wedding so my best friend and I, who is also her friend, started planning a party for her birthday to make sure she was celebrated and had a big to-do about turning 30 which she told us to shut down because if she’s not getting to do what she wants then she will do nothing. Idk I feel like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t with her most of the time even not related to the wedding.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 7, 2021 at 2:12 PM
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It is a vacation abroad, not celebrating her birthday for a month. Even if her birthday was not abroad, I would not turn down such a vacation if it became possible for any bachelorette or shower or engagement party or RD. Until TV started playing up bachelorette parties 13-15 years ago, more people did not have them than did. Only a few years ago most still had one evening out, if they had one at all. But recently many brides on here, I guess including you, think they are a command performance for the bridal party. They are not. Whether or not to help give, or to attend, any wedding party, is and always been voluntary for any bridal party, and family, and any invited guest. And only someone with very poor social skills would ever have fits about someone not attending parties in her honor. I think you have overestimated the importance of one of the minor parties of the wedding. No one owes you attendance at your bachelorette. You should stay out of the planning of a party in your own honor , beyond expressing dates or preferences when asked. That too is basic good manners. And simply be happy for those who join you, and no fault/ no recriminations to anyone who does not come. I do not feel like coming , is reason enough for a person not to plan to be there. It is not up to you to decide what is reason enough, for your sister, or anyone else. It is a voluntary thing, and anything she thinks reason enough not to attend, is. Not for you or anyone else to say otherwise.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on March 7, 2021 at 2:40 PM
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You should not hold someone hostage for a month in the country because of your wedding. She'll be at your rehearsal and wedding, that's what matters. There should not have been a fight about this in the first place.

If you've changed your mind and you sincerely will not hold the trip against her, and you've communicated this to her clearly, but she still doesn't believe you, then that's on her.
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