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Just Said Yes May 2020

moh troubles

Rn, on February 7, 2020 at 1:52 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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I have had issues with my MOH since after I asked her. She has been my best friend for years so she was the obvious choice, plus she expressed to me several different times in several different ways that she wanted to be MOH. Things got sticky when I decided what I wanted to do for the bachelorette, and she wanted to do something different. To make a long story short, our other close friend ended up planning the bachelorette. She never engaged while we were on the trip or tried to do anything to make me feel like she wanted to be there. She was even difficult about the way we got there. Fast forward to ordering bridesmaid dresses... all my girls are wearing different variations of blushes and mauves. I gave her first pick and she chose a light color. When she went to try on dresses she ended up ORDERING a color much darker than the specific one I told her to get. She told me that her color washed her out. I would’ve been there, but she went to a store in a different city the same day my other girls were picking out their dresses. She was visiting her boyfriend. To round things out, she is now trying to convince several of my BM and even friends to tell me that they can’t come to my shower. This has been planned since October and she’s now saying she’s on call. (In reality I truly believe she has a trip planned with her BF). I have had all my other bridesmaids come to me at separate times complaining about her attitude. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but at this point I am extremely put out with her. She does not show interest in the wedding even when I try to bring it up. The only time she remotely cares is to tell me she has to look better than all my other BMs. She also told me I needed to have my make up artist practice on her. I just don’t get it and feel like she’s not even a good friend to me at this point. I have tried to tread lightly and not ask too much of my BMs

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Florida Marlins, on February 7, 2020 at 12:19 PM

Dedicated February 2020
Michelle · on February 7, 2020 at 3:57 AM
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I'm sorry. Maybe just talk to her and see what her perspective is? Also, my MOH has asked pretty indifferent for most of the planning, so I feel you.
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October 2020
Fleur · on February 7, 2020 at 6:08 AM
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Girl I feel you. One of my best friends from college who is usually hilarious acted like an uninterested zombie during our BM dress shopping and my MOH will not buy her airline tix for Bachelorette Party yet bc she has to “take care of some other things” first (don’t blame me when flight is sold out). It’s super bizarre and frustrating but after reading WeddingWire for a few months I see its fairly common so I’m totally rolling with it. Luckily I’ve got a huge wedding party so most everyone else is “behaving” lol.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 7, 2020 at 7:21 AM
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I agree with the other posters and that I think you just sit down and have a real talk with her. More. So just tell her that you noticed that she doesn't seem to be as engaged in this wedding and you wanted to ask what's going on. Do not tell her that the other bridesmaids have said anything as us going to cause a rift. Just tell her what you have noticed. I could be wrong, but sometimes even though we should be happy for our friends. I feel that marriage can be a very sensitive topic for some people especially women. Maybe she's a little jealous because it's not her day? Or maybe she's just not being the best maid of honor or she could be. I feel that if you think the Friendship is worth preserving. You just talk it out and try to come to an understanding to where she can. Bihar best off for your day. Worst case maybe she just needs to be a guest at your wedding.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 7, 2020 at 10:08 AM
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I’m so sorry. It seems like she is lashing out at you and is unhappy but based on this info alone I can’t tell why. I would reach out to her and find out what’s going on and if she’s upset with you about something. Don’t ask a pissed off bride, ask as a sympathetic “I hope I didn’t do something to upset you” friend.
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Super February 2020
Kaysey · on February 7, 2020 at 10:39 AM
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I'm sorry you're going through this. If this were me, I'd sit down with her and tell her how I feel. Let her know about her attitude, how you've heard she's telling people to tell you they cannot attend your bridal shower and how you've noticed a lack of interest when you bring up the wedding to her. In all honesty, if she is bringing that much negative energy into the wedding and causing all of these issues, I would ask if something's going on or if something is happening that is making her upset when it comes to the wedding. Planning your wedding, having your bachelorette party and bridal shower are supposed to be some of the best moments of your life. There is no need for their to be negative energy surrounding it. I do agree with Gen, however. Do not come at her like an angry bride. Ask her as a friend. If she does disclose that something is bothering her regrading the wedding, try to work with her to fix it.
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Expert October 2017
Florida Marlins · on February 7, 2020 at 12:19 PM
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I am going to be the outsider here and I gotta be blunt: Yes she id being a pain however you started it when you tried to plan your own bachelorette. That is up to her. Sorry - and always remember no one is as excited about your wedding as you! She was not required to go dress shopping with you, either. I would have passed on that myself.
Have a frank talk with her, perhaps things will smooth over.
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