moh troubles!!

What were you asking her to do and what was her reasons for not doing it? You said she didn’t help at all, so trying to get some more info.

View Quoted Comment To help with decorations, advice. If I message her myself she send a short answer. Btw haven’t heard a peep out of her for about 2 weeks. She doesn’t message to see if I need help or anything. She just seems like she’s missable.

Be a friend first and a bride second. No one is ever going to be as excited or invested in your own wedding as you. It sounds like your cousin could be going through some things in her own life or feel a lot of pressure. A text or call or visit that is NOT about your wedding and is about how she’s doing and her life could go a really long way.

View Quoted Comment If you’re saying that you haven’t heard from her for two weeks and that’s after you removed her and took her gifts away then that’s not surprising.
I’m going to be honest, I’m not sure whether removing her was the right decision. It obviously will damage your relationship for a long time and I don’t get why you asked for a gift back.
It sounds like she was overwhelmed as she told you it was too exhausting and that you asked to pay for hair and makeup 6 months in advance. Did you try to communicate with her and hear her concerns more? Did you talk about your expectations of her prior to asking her to be the MOH and before removing her?

View Quoted Comment I have done tryed to message her Nd not mention anything about the wedding. :/

Even if you did what you thought was best, removing a wedding party member is a friendship/relationship ending move. I don’t think you should be surprised by her not speaking to you, and I’d be shocked if you go on to have any kind of relationship with her in the future.

View Quoted Comment No she’s been in it till now. I have talked to her told her I need help. ( not big projects). And the gift was the dress and boots. If she’s not wanting to be in it (by the way she’s acting) then why should she keep them? Yes. I told her I would need help and she was fine with that. Then boom nothing. I told not just her 3 months in advance about hair and makeup I told everyone and then I reminded everyone that hair person needs payment day of and then it was a problem.

View Quoted Comment I mean she choose it to be like this. She always had excuses and a bad attitude.

YES! You absolutely did the right thing. I’m going through something very similar. It’s hard and a difficult thing to do. Your wedding is about YOU and your FH. If she doesn’t get that she never will. You did the best thing you could have done for your own happiness. If you have a bridesmaid who has been doing the most or helping or even just there for you. I would maybe ask them to step up. That’s what I did, and the person I asked to step up really did everything from the start because my MOH (maid of horror) did a lot of hurtful things, but I won’t get into that. Just know I sympathize with you, and am knowing in a similar way how your feeling. It totally sucks don’t get me wrong it’s not what you dreamed of, but everything happens for a reason. Hopefully this is a learning experience for her, and for you im hoping your wedding day is all you dreamed of and more! Weddings are a stressful time especially for the Bride. That’s the last thing you need is more stress. You did a wonderful thing by paying for there stuff as a thank you gift that is very generous of you. If she doesn’t see that then your better off with out her, and I'm proud of you! It’s a hard thing to do but you did what you had to.

It’s your cousin, who you say is like a sister. You’re going to throw that relationship away because she was overwhelmed by the cost and stress you imposed upon her? Wow. What are you going to do when your husband disappoints you?

View Quoted Comment You are right and yes it is. Very hard! Thank you so much and I hope yours is also and more. It’s very stressful and not having any help on top of that ( knowing she knows she should taking part of part of the moh job) yea I might have just cost our relationship but it cost her a day of her being miserable.

View Quoted Comment Yes exactly at the end of the day she lost a really special moment that would of been shared a lifetime of memories. At least you won’t have to deal with the added stress from her. Yes there’s more things for you to do then, but the universe gives you what you can can handled you’ll grow from this. At the end of the day you’ll have a beautiful wonderful time at your wedding. Sending virtual hugs ♥️ Who knows maybe years from now she’ll realize the situation she brought on herself and you guys will be able to rekindle but at this time you gotta do what you gotta do

Actually kicking your family out of your bridal party for now valid reason is one of the most “Karen” moves imaginable but ok, have fun.

View Quoted Comment Yep sure is. When she was just miserable from the beginning of saying yes and not helping. Just putting more stress and weight on my shoulders. But I sure will. Have a good night

I'm not trying to come off as mean or rude, but If she is the type who if it isn't about her then she has no interest in it, why would you think that behavior would change for your wedding. You can't expect people to change their behavior all because they are in your wedding. I find a lot of brides on here ask people they know aren't going to be very helpful or not really care because that is who they are as a person, then get surprised when they act exactly the same way they always have for years. I think if you were expecting her to be helpful and be somewhat excited about your day knowing that isn't who she is, then you probably shouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding.

She isn’t supposed to help you out with anything she’s supposed to show up on your wedding day that’s it be a friend first bride second I would apologize

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Agreed.

OP, your partner is supposed to design this wedding with you-- not family or friends you decide to give a title of MOH. If your partner shows no interest, then hire a planner who is paid to be excited for you. No one's time is free.

I don't believe these decisions are ever easy to make because like people have been saying there are always consequences. I think when it comes to family and people we consider family, we don't hold back sometimes when we should.

I'm not going to judge your decision At the end of the day it's your decision and if you feel you made the right one knowing you and knowing her then that's what matters.

I hope that helps.

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Not helping with your wedding is not acting like she doesn't want to be in the wedding. It sounds like you kicked her out of your wedding for no good reason.

Also, if you're requiring hair and make up, you should be the one paying for it.