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Just Said Yes June 2021

moh Trouble

Brianna, on February 21, 2020 at 10:34 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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I'm having some trouble with my MOH. I'm not really sure what to do because she isn't fulfilling any of her MOH roles. She was super excited at first when I asked her and we've been friends for a long time so I thought she was going to be happy and put effort into doing a good job as MOH like I would for her. But, she hasn't gotten her dress when the other bridesmaids have and hasn't communicated with them at all about the "bridal shower" (just bridesmaids and a few friends) I mentioned. I feel kind of selfish, but I guess I thought she was going to be more excited and put some effort in. She told me she doesn't have a ton of money for party stuff, which I totally understand but then she said she is planning a month-long international trip just before our wedding. Seems like her MOH duties are literally at the bottom of the list of things she cares about. I don't know if I should ask another bridesmaid, like my sister, to help keep things moving or just stay out of it and hope that it comes together in the end and she plans the shower/bachelorette/ and communicates with the bridesmaids. I don't think I'm asking too much for wanting those fun parties, but let me know what your guys think please, I feel stuck.

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Brianna, on February 22, 2020 at 7:03 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 21, 2020 at 10:45 PM
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Your wedding is 4 months away, so unless you’re ordering custom gowns, she likely has plenty of time to get her dress. It’s also not her responsibility to throw you parties or your responsibility to judge her finances. If someone else offers to host parties in your honor, great, but you definitely shouldn’t ask them to.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on February 21, 2020 at 11:04 PM
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I totally agree with all of this!
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on February 21, 2020 at 11:11 PM
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I think you should probably just have your sister be your maid of honor. I know it’s a very exciting time for you and the people in your life should be really supportive I agree with that, but an international trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I’m sure she didn’t just decide this overnight, and you can’t exactly expect someone to give that up because you want them to throw you a bridal shower. Being involved in a wedding party is a big financial burden to our loved ones and as the brides sometimes we have to put ourselves aside a bit and recognize that everyone else’s lives are still going on outside of our weddings. Your sister would probably make a better maid of honor because I find that personally sisters are just easier to tell it like it is to wear as it’s much more difficult to be honest and communicate openly about these things with friends as it can lead to walking on some thin ice
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VIP September 2020
Neeva · on February 21, 2020 at 11:30 PM
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I disagree with other PPs. I think you want a bridal shower or bachelorette party just like anyone else. While it's rude to downright demand someone throw you a party, I don't think it hurts to have a conversation.
I think you should keep her your MOH and just talk to her about if she is planning on throwing a party or it's too much work/money for her. You guys are friends so have a conversation. If it is, you can ask her if she reached out to other bridesmaids for help or to see if someone else would like to plan.
Has any of the other bridesmaids reached out to you about the events? One of them might be interested in planning?
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Beginner August 2020
J W · on February 22, 2020 at 1:12 AM
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Completely agree with this. I've been in a ton of weddings where the MOH didn't have the time, money, or clear organizational skills to pull of any of the party throwing. If your sister or anyone else wants to help, I think it's a great idea. Just have a discussion with the MOH before you ask the others for help. I don't think you're selfish. We are flooded with images of wedding showers and bachelorettes thrown by MOHs, and its okay to want to have someone care about you to a extent to help throw you a party before marriage. This has been done for such a long time by MOHs, mothers, sister's, etc. What do the haters expect you to do? Throw your own bridal shower? I think the solution Neeva proposed is a good one and completely normal.
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Expert October 2020
Onya · on February 22, 2020 at 6:06 AM
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Seems weird to ask people to throw you a party. Seems like it should happen naturally. If it’s finances then having the party seems like it’ll just put stress on your bridal party. Because you’d be expecting gifts and what not and they may not show because of it. Seems like things could go south so quickly. Especially if you wind up asking someone else to be your MOH just to throw you a party.
I️ would Just remember that she’s your friend first. The wedding is happening regardless of the parties. Just because someone can’t throw a party doesn’t mean they don’t love and appreciate you any less. Also what she does with her money is her business. So her month long vacation seems irrelevant.
You said you feel like your being selfish and if you truly feel that way maybe just take a step back from thinking about the parties.Everyone has a life outside of wedding planning. We can’t forget that. I️ hope everything turns out great regardless of the bumps your going through now. ❤️
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Savvy July 2021
Adriana · on February 22, 2020 at 8:28 AM
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I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in wanting her help. She probably shouldn’t have agreed to be your MOH if she wasn’t up for helping to plan. That being said, could she possibly be unaware of what exactly you’d like her help with? I would definitely have your sister step in and any others who want to help plan. Finances are always a sticky situation, so maybe she is feeling pressured like she HAS to pay for everything but doesn’t know how to discuss that with you. I would let the others help plan and keep her in the loop...maybe she just needs a little nudge in the right direction! If she’s non responsive to anything then I’d make your sister MOH.
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Dedicated June 2021
Ally · on February 22, 2020 at 9:09 AM
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Your bridesmaids do not have to put paying for bachelorette parties or bridal showers above their own needs or wants. I understand your disappointment because you went above and beyond for others, but you can’t expect someone to pay for a party for you even if you did the same for them. Everyone has a different financial situation and it’s not your place to judge that. It would be extremely rude to ask someone else to be your MOH. I couldn’t imagine anyone else but my MOH being my MOH because she’s my very best friend, regardless of what she does or doesn’t plan/pay for for MY wedding. I don’t expect anything from her except for her to be there on my wedding day with me. If someone replaced me as a MOH because I wasn’t able to plan or pay for a bunch of parties, I would be very hurt.
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Brianna · on February 22, 2020 at 7:03 PM
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Thanks everyone. I never intended to replace her as MOH and I wont be. I think I'll just mention something to my sister and mom because they both mentioned planning something and let it go. I am not recieving any gifts so hopefully that helps with any financial issues
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