moh sucks

Hi Rose, welcome to WeddingWire! Did your MOH volunteer to host your bridal shower or was it just kind of sprung on her? Could she maybe not have the time or finances for this? I wouldn't concern yourself with any of this given that you're the bride. You also have a good while until the shower and your mom or bridesmaids can step in to pull things together if they want to. She may also be tired of all the wedding conversation, I know it happens pretty easily. Unfortunately, no one is going to be as excited for our own wedding days as we are. We just have to remember that everyone still has a life outside of being in someone else's wedding; being a mom probably keeps her plate pretty full

View Quoted Comment Hi! Thank you. Yes she volunteered(and doesn’t really want anyone else taking over the role as maid of honor so she wants to do it all) Also, I know finances are an issue for her so my bridesmaids have offered to step in and help, which she hasn’t wanted. I know they are also doing a lot of DIY so I guess I’m just concerned she’s going to wait until last minute and stress everyone else out by telling them she needs help and I understand everyone else does have bills/their own business going on. We’ve recently started DIYing the invites (just this past weekend and got 3 out of 40 done) which are going out in a few weeks (we can’t work on them every weekend due to work/other events going on).

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Maybe you could reach out to her and say something along the lines of "Hey I'm so glad that you've volunteered to host a bridal shower for me, but Mom and the other bridesmaids really want to be a part of the planning". Let her feel like she's still running the show, but that you'd really appreciate it if she included them in things too. That way they can make sure things are actually getting done in a timely manner, but she doesn't feel like anyone is trying to step on her toes.

It doesn’t take 4 months to plan a bridal shower lol, I’m not sure what you expected her to do that she hasn’t done yet? Why not just let your mom or your other bridesmaids plan it?

View Quoted Comment Like I’ve said above. she does have financial issues going on which I get but she’s the one who isn’t wanting anyone else to help(she feels as if the role is being taken over by anyone else interested or helping) She does plan to DIY a bunch and I know that isn’t something that can be done in a weekend especially with her not wanting help.

View Quoted Comment I’ll definitely try this. Thank you for the advice. 🙂

The bridesmaids can help. I have often helped the MOH plan events especially as sometimes they had a lot going on and could not plan stuff. I would tell her that you would like for her to include the bridesmaids or maybe ask your mom to host it and take charge with help from the bridesmaids. Some people sadly like to be in charge but are not good at leading. I would let her know that you love everything she is doing but you are noticing she is not including the other ladies as you want them all to work together. Do you feel she would react badly if the BM's took charge of the bachelorette?

My mom started planning my shower 2 months out, invites went out 1 month before. She didn't really do anything until 2 months out. I'm sure it will all work out, but I wouldn't stress since it's over 2 months away.

View Quoted Comment Okay this is a little reassuring! I just like to know things are being done and I guess a concern I have is her asking my bridesmaids for help last minute and stressing everyone else out. My Bridesmaids have also said they would like to know now if she wants help rather than later because like I’ve said they do have their own things going on. She plans to send invites out the end of February and have them back the end of March with the shower being the 18th of April.

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I'd encourage your bridesmaids to sternly insert themselves in planning then. They can tell the MOH they need to know for date & budgeting what they should do, and they can take over if she isn't able to.

I’d stay out of it, frankly. Sounds like your mom and bridesmaids are willing to help , so they can all communicate directly if they want to offer or need help. Sounds like she may be getting a little frustrated with so many people on top of her, so I’d definitely give her space to plan. As it gets closer, you could suggest your mom or bridesmaids say something non-assertive like “hope everything is going well— just know we are here if you need any help with anything at all, so don’t hesitate to ask!” but beyond that, I’d stay out of it, and trust that they’ll all manage to pull something together. April is a long way off, and a shower doesn’t have to be a big crazy ordeal. There’s really not much anyone needs to be done so far in advance anyway. Beyond establishing guestlist and location (and when it was time, invites), most of the plans and prep for my shower took place just in the couple weeks before the event.