moh speech when you don't like the groom

Omg no, for me personally if someone didn't like my husband I wouldn't have them speaking at our wedding lol

View Quoted Comment Lol, same. But the bride doesn't know MOH doesn't like the groom.

Normally I'd just say to make some nice sounding stuff up about how she's happy her friend found her person and just make it short and sweet. But if she hates the groom so much that she can't even make a generic statement about their love maybe she should suggest that someone else makes the toast or not have one at all.

That would be really difficult! I prefer to say nothing at all rather than say fake-positive things I don't mean. Can she claim fear of public speaking and just get out of doing the speech altogether?

If that's not possible, then just remind her that a very short toast rather than an actual speech is completely appropriate.

I personally would decline to give a speech (not every wedding has them and you don’t need a real excuse beyond “I just don’t want to” or “I don’t feel comfortable” [implied in front of a crowd but perhaps a double entendre ])
But if there’s no way out of it:
-talk about the history and friendship with the bride - give a list of “hopes” for the wedding. This way, it doesn’t need to actually address the relationship or speak to the groom’s personality, but are universal marriage hopes. So list a couple serious and a couple silly cutesy things. Something like “Xx has been my best friend for x years, so GROOM, I hope you take care of her and give her the love she deserves. Be her shoulder when she needs to lean…” etc— the practical expectations, and a fun one or two so it’s not dry (Ex, in my relationship it would be “always let her put her feet under your butt when they’re freezing” 🤣). This way you’re laying out expectations instead of praise.
Ultimately , the BEST advice to remember is : keep it short and succinct. Not only is it easier for you to grit your teeth through, it’s what guests prefer anyway— short and sweet. Simple and quick. I’d all else fails just opt for a “raise your glass and cheers!”

Guests like short speeches!
Here’s a formula - the bride has trait she is known for - kindness/hardworking/protective of friends/something.

Opening: A sweet memory of how the friendship began and how long they’ve been friends. Middle: extrapolate on the known trait - her compassion often leads to stopping to rescue animals on road trips. Close: This trait enhances her relationship with groom and will lead to a happy marriage filled with love.
Short. Sweet.

View Quoted Comment She unfortunately already committed to a speech, but I'll suggest she go with something short and sweet. She doesn't want to lie, but that doesn't mean she can't say something generic. Thanks!

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately she already missed her opportunity to get out of it. I'll recommend a short speech! Thanks!

View Quoted Comment Laying out expectations instead of giving fake praise is a great idea! Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Love the formula! Thank you!

1. She shouldn't have accepted being the MOH if she didn't like the groom.

2. She shouldn't have accepted going the speech.

Is there a specific reason why she doesn't like him? I've heard some cases where the friend is just sensitive and feeling a little bit jealous. Could that be the case? If so, she needs to just be accepting of the relationship & be happy for her friend. If he's a terrible person, then that's a different story...

That's a strange situation, indeed... Maybe she can just say something about love, matrimony and hapyness in general...?

How are they close enough friends for her to be MOH but not tell her friend that she feels so strongly against her FH? She shouldn’t give a speech it’s pretty insincere. If she has legitimate concerns she should talk to the bride. If she simply doesn’t like him she should not give a speech.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely agree with both of your points. She has backed herself into a corner.


Specifically, she doesn't like him because he is kind of a jerk and obnoxious. Minor stuff, nothing she would ever bring up to the bride. Ultimately I'm sure she will come up with a nice, generic speech, she's just got writer's block because she doesn't feel inspired by this relationship.

View Quoted Comment That is probably what she'll end up doing.

View Quoted Comment She doesn't feel strongly against the groom, she just finds him obnoxious. That's why she's not saying anything to the bride, vs if there were major red flags she would. I agree it would be best to opt out of the speech but she missed her chance for that.

View Quoted Comment Well if it hasn’t happened yet she hasn’t missed her chance to not do it. But I’d just keep it brief and focused on their friendship in that case.

View Quoted Comment She can't find just one nice to say about her best friend's relationship because she finds the groom obnoxious?

View Quoted Comment Yep, she's leaning towards focusing on the friendship and utilizing a few of the ideas here. Thank you!

View Quoted Comment I'm sure she will come up with some niceties, she's just drawing a blank on anything genuine. She was looking for ideas and knows I use this forum, so I asked for her. She appreciates the tips offered so far.