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Savvy August 2021

moh problems

Laura, on November 20, 2020 at 1:12 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12

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I have been engaged for a little over a year we wanted to give ourselves plenty of time to plan. I picked my MOH very quickly which is my fiancé’s soon to be step mom. We had a good connection and she had the time and energy to be my MOH. We haven’t known each other long or been very close. Anyways after I asked her she was very involved and had my back which I appreciated. However things quickly dwindled. She has made some very hateful comments about my fiancé and I and our relationship. Also about how she doesn’t approve of how we are helping pay for the wedding. I took her to dress shop with me and I picked out a purple dress she refused to wear the color purple. So I said never mind and changed the colors of all the dresses. She also said she will not wear the same dress as the bridesmaid she wants to stand out. I have been contemplating for months to ask her to step down. With her being my fiancé’s step mom it is hard. I don’t know how to get this done honestly I just can’t deal with her snarky comments. I have stated to do things for our wedding myself. She has finally apologized for the comments and how rude she was. After about 2 months of being rude and not talking to me. Like I said I want to ask her to step down but I can’t be to harsh any suggestions.

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on November 21, 2020 at 9:08 PM

Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on November 20, 2020 at 1:25 PM
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Oh no. This is unfortunate. Did u have someone else in mind to be your MOH?
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa · on November 20, 2020 at 1:33 PM
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Has she made any rude comments or unacceptable behavior since she apologized? If not, then I would suggest trying to start over fresh and give her another chance and see if things improve. Otherwise, you could talk to her and mention how hurtful those comments are, and see what she has to say. If you had someone else in mind for MOH, you could always "promote" that person from bridesmaid to co-MOH. I wouldn't remove her from MOH unless you're prepared for the friendship between you to be ruined. Removing people from wedding party is typically a friendship-ending move.
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Master January 2022
SLY · on November 20, 2020 at 1:44 PM
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Completely agree with this!
Just an example of what happened in a wedding I was in: One of the bridesmaids lives in another state, so she wasn't able to attend any events or parties prior to the wedding. At the bachelorette trip, the bride texted her and said she felt that she didn't need to be in the bridal party because she wasn't able to participate in anything or contribute. She was welcome to attend as a guest, but not as a bridesmaid. Needless to say....she didn't attend the wedding and they aren't friends anymore.
If she's going to be a part of yours and your SO's lives for a while, I would hesitate on removing her just because you don't want that relationship broken.
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Savvy August 2021
Laura · on November 20, 2020 at 1:49 PM
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I honestly don’t. I am just really torn she just recently came into the family less and a year ago. Has recently been treating everyone like they owe her something. Her comments have hurt both my fiancé and I. He has no problem with me asking her to step down we are just concerned with how his dad will take it.
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Savvy August 2021
Laura · on November 20, 2020 at 1:52 PM
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Yes this has all transpired since I got engaged in December the whole dress situation was months later. She will still make rude and snarky comments here and their and only apologizes when my fiancé or his dad is around. She says she is just being truthful with me and if it hurt me feelings she’s sorry she has apologized so much I don’t even listen to it any more.
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa · on November 20, 2020 at 2:01 PM
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Yikes. I'm sorry that you're going through that! Next time she makes a comment, I would reply with something like, "Wow, that was rude" to kind of call it out in the moment. If you truly want to remove her from the wedding party, you could sit down and have a conversation with her. Tell her that you miss the relationship that you two had before you got engaged, that don't appreciate her recent comments, and give her the option to exit the wedding party if she doesn't feel that she can be supportive. If she says she still wants to be MOH/in the wedding party, give her a list of changes you need to see (no mean comments, for example). You could also plan to meet up with her a few times per month for coffee or a wine and canvas night or something that isn't wedding related to try to re-center the friendship. If still nothing changes, then I would definitely remove her from the wedding party.
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Expert May 2021
Erin · on November 20, 2020 at 2:34 PM
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If she only apologies when her husband or your man are around I would ditch her... she isn't your best friend and clearly she doesn't think that highly of you, otherwise she should appolgize only when it s you are her... who care's what the father in law thinks... he should know his wife better. .. you don't deserve to be treated that way.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on November 20, 2020 at 2:45 PM
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Maybe you should give her a final warning first
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Super March 2019
Alejandra · on November 20, 2020 at 5:56 PM
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I am sorry this is the case but honestly as soon as I started reading I already knew that it would be problematic. Choosing your FH future step mom seemed like a bit much, you immediately said you weren't too close and later on said she was someone who recently came in to the family about a year ago. Now I am not at all blaming you because she could have also turned out great but what made you feel like she would make the best MOH for you? Your MOH should be someone you highly treasure and are close to, they will be by your side during such an emotional time and you want them to back you up. Is she also wedding planning? You said soon to be step mom so is she also engaged and planning, if so I can see how that may also cause a rift.
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Savvy August 2021
Laura · on November 20, 2020 at 8:06 PM
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I had a rift with my family in the begging and she was someone I felt like I could talk to. It definitely was a rushed decision I should have thought more about. Yes her getting engaged is what started our problem off I was happy for her. But his dad literally did it a couple days after I get engaged. In his bedroom he was sitting at me house and said well I went and bought her a wedding ring since he bought you one. My fiancé I and I felt very disrespected but we got over it. They were originally going to get married before us which we also had a problem with. Well since then I have resolved things with my sister and want her to be my maid of honor. She has know my fiancé the whole time we have been together. She is also like a mother to me and always has been but she moved away for a while and didn’t talk to anyone but has recently returned.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on November 20, 2020 at 9:22 PM
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Drop her asap and don't be swayed by what anyone else thinks as long as you and your fiance are a team. Your maid of honor should be the most supportive person you have besides your fiance. Since she is not, she needs to go.
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Dedicated January 2021
Kimberly · on November 21, 2020 at 9:08 PM
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I would be clear and direct. I'd even quote her. And then ask her to step down you don't need that negative energy
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