Hi all. I am having an issue that I am absolutely sick about.
I am the MOH in my "best friends" wedding. I was excited for her and wanted to throw her an amazing shower and bachelorette , but it has been rocky from the beginning.
She planned a day to go dress shopping and lunch with the grooms sister and cousin, who are bridesmaids, and did not invite me. I was so hurt and let her know.
I have not been included in anything else (except subsequent dress outings, I assume because I had such a hurt reaction to not being invited the first time), but the sister and cousin have. They chose a bridal shower venue that I had nothing to do with choosing because it is owned by the cousins friend (it is NOT a nice place and nowhere she or I would have ever chosen.) They've gone jewelry shopping together, looked at venues, flower shopping, etc.
I feel that the cousin and sister are the one my friend follows, the one who's opinion and feelings really matter.
But, here we are, with me having to take the lead on a bridal shower and bachelorette party.
I am having to work with the cousin since she is friends with the owner of the shower venue. Which would be fine and expected, if she was a team player. I am taking the lead, but want to include all the bridesmaids. When I ask her questions she does not answer my questions and returns my texts with her own questions. If I do not give her an answer she likes, she goes over my head and texts the bride, and actually includes cost information, which I would never want the bride to know. She is also a different ethnicity than I, as is the groom, and has made comments about most of the guests being her ethnicity and I need to plan food that will be substantial because that is what they expect. Not that I wasn't, I certainly was.
I feel like a total outsider. I am questioning everything about my friendship with the bride. She hasn't invited me to things Maid of Honors are typically included in, I barely know her fiance (they go to dinner with couple friends and have never once invited my husband and I in 15 years, he doesn't show up to my kids birthday parties. the only place ive really seen him in the past 18 years was at my wedding), and I feel like I am being judged because I am not the same ethnicity as him, his family, and most guests. I spoke to the Bride about the way the cousin has communicated with me and been rude, and her response was that she just communicates differently and she just is soooo helpful and it comes off bad sometimes. I don't see it like that.
I love my friend. She is a wonderful person. But my heart isn't in it anymore, I am terribly hurt. Not to mention, the shower will be at least 50 people and very expensive. The bachelorette weekend will cost me at least $700. All in, I will be looking at around 3k. If not more. Money I don't really have to spend but was willing to, but it doesn't feel good when I feel like a party planner and that's it.
I don't want to hurt the bride or make her life more stressful, but I am so unhappy and sick about this. I don't want to be her MOH anymore. Any advice is appreciated.
