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Jamie
Dedicated November 2020

moh Issues

Jamie, on September 20, 2020 at 9:38 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13
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This is going to be lengthy but I really want to here from some of you if you think I’m reading to far into this. First let me say this my MOH is my best friend of over 30 plus years. I don’t even consider her a best friend anymore, she’s basically my sister. Originally my wedding was to take place on July 25th of 2020 but due to Covid it was cancelled and I was distraught. Me and the FH decided we didn’t want to wait to get married any longer so we are going to have a micro wedding on November 7th of 2020 which is literally a few weeks away.


The ladies in the bridal party started dress shopping in January and finalized dress purchases in early February of this year. I did tell my MOH that her dress didn’t have to be the same as the other maids, just the same color and to let me see the dress before making the purchase. So needless to say she didn’t find a dress at the same time everyone else did. No worries, I figures she had a little time so it wasn’t pressing at the moment.
As it began to get closer to July, I would check in with her to see if she’s found anything and when she did, she sent a pic to me, the dress was beautiful and she was to move forward with the purchase. Due to Covid the dress was delayed in shipping and she didn’t receive it until May, the dress didn’t fit and it didn’t look as good as the pics so she no longer wanted that dress and wanted to find a new one, which annoyed the hell out of me because we were too close to the wedding date. The last week of May our venue cancelled all events for the rest of the year so we cancelled everything. We informed the bridal party and advised that we would make a decision on plans going forward within the upcoming weeks.
June 30th we finally decide to move forward with our ceremony for November 7th. My bridal party has been absolute Angels with being flexible and there for us throughout all this uncertainty. So everyone is on board but the MOH is back in the same boat of still looking for a dress and keeps telling me that she’s trying to lose a few pounds from the weight gained while we were quarantined. I’m back to being really annoyed as this now really leaves no real room for alterations if she needs them since she still does not have a dress. She’s had ample time to find a dress both times and I feel like she is just not taking this seriously as I think she should. She hasn’t had to do anything in assisting me with planning neither time as I know she has a lot on her own plate daily so all she had to do was get a dress.
Quite frankly I’m tired of asking every week has she found a dress as this is exactly what I was doing in the beginning of the year. I’m starting to think there is an underlying issue with her that I don’t know about. She seems happy for me but is she really? Is she just not feeling the wedding? Is she not happy with her appearance as far as her weight? (Which she was also mentioning alot in the beginning of the year) I just can’t figure it out. I really want to talk to her about it but I don’t want it to be an argument as that is the last thing I want to deal with at this point, all this has been stressful enough getting this far and a wedding is not enough for me to lose a 30 plus friend/sistership over. What do you all think?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Jamie, on September 24, 2020 at 12:44 PM
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I know its stressful but its a 30+ year friendship. I’m sure she will come through. Worst case scenario she has to go to David’s bridal Purchase a dress and then pay extra for rushed alterations at an alterations shop. At the end of the day all the focus will be on you. I can’t remember any bridesmaids dresses of any wedding that I’ve been to. I remember the color that’s about it.
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  • Jamie
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jamie ·
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    I was thinking to just leave the issue alone. I don’t want to keep asking as that is getting on my own nerves.. LOL. It’s so close. I just pray she comes through. I have so many other pressing issues to worry about that I don’t want to add that to my list.
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  • Kia
    Dedicated September 2021
    Kia ·
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    I would say it’s time to take control of the situation and text her and say we’re running out of time, time to go looking! Then take her dress shopping but make a day out of it, spend some quality time, get your nails done, get drinks or food or something. You guys can just hang out all day, talk about life and stuff and then go looking for a dress for her. That way you can kill two birds with one stone; figure out what’s going on with her and then also get the dress
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  • Jamie
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jamie ·
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    That’s actually a good idea. We haven’t spent any girl time together since before this whole pandemic thing and she really could use it since she’s been overwhelmed with her work lately. Thanks for that idea.
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  • Sharonda
    Devoted January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    I think Kia’s suggestion is a GREAT one. I don’t think your BFF isn’t interested or doesn’t care, but even by your own statement, she has a lot going on. In light of that, she probably hasn’t focused on this. Plus, she may not realize how close November 7 really is!! (Even I can’t believe it’s almost the end of September!!). I think a girls’ day out (with the goal to spend some time together and find a dress) will do the trick!!
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  • Jamie
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jamie ·
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    I’m definitely willing to try it. I will plan a girls day for us. I really didn’t want to believe in my heart that she wasn’t interested but I honestly couldn’t gage what’s going on with her. Normally she’s a very bubbly person and weddings get her super excited but she never seemed to be really that bubbly when it comes to me. Like I said before she has a lot on her plate but I feel like something else is going on. Hopefully the “girls day” will help shed some light on what’s going on.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal Online ·
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    With a 30-year "sisterhood," I'd focus on that first and foremost. If she's up for a girls day/shopping trip, that might be awesome, but I'd offer it as an invitation to "catch up and have fun together." I definitely wouldn't approach it as, we need to find you a dress NOW! Since she doesn't have to match anyone, I'd assume, if it comes down to it, she can find a dress in a couple of days. Since you have your suspicions that something is up with her, I wouldn't push her too hard if she's not enthusiastic about the girls day. She could be struggling with her weight/body image, finances, or like so many of us in the middle of a pandemic, a bit of depression.... I'm nearly positive she won't show up to your wedding naked, and if she has something else on her mind, the more you continue to push that, the more you might upset or alienate her. I'm sure she knows at this point that you are anxious for her to find a dress. At some point, you just need to trust that she's doing what she needs to do. Hang in! Smiley heart

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  • Sharonda
    Devoted January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    I understand, and since you all have been friends for 30 years, your intuition is probably right. Outside of everything going on with her, do you think she may just be in her feelings about you getting married? Not jealous and not unhappy for you, but dealing with the reality that things may change (with your relationship with her) once you get married? Just a thought.
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  • Jamie
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jamie ·
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    Thanks for your input. I’m going to extend an invitation for a girls day. I think I’m just going to leave the dress issue alone. I’m excited to be getting married and I’m just ready for the day to be over with. I hope that doesn’t sound bad. It’s just been overly stressful trying to navigate this wedding stuff in the midst of a pandemic. I’m just over worrying.
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  • Jamie
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jamie ·
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    I thought about that. We generally talk about once or twice a week so I know about some things that have been overwhelming for her that’s why I really didn’t ask of any MOH responsibilities of her, but in the same token she hasn’t really expressed her feelings about me getting married. She’ll make some small talk about it but other than that she changes the subject to something else and I usually just go on with the conversation not really thinking anything else of it. I jus chalked it up to everybody having their own struggles with the pandemic but even before she didn’t seem too enthused. I don’t expect for everyone to be head over hills about the wedding as I was but just a little surprised that she isn’t really excited about it as I thought she would be. I guess I was just trying to avoid conflict even though the decision about getting married or who I’m marrying ultimately comes down to me. She’s so close like a sister that I would definitely consider her feelings just as I have my immediate family members you know.
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  • Sharonda
    Devoted January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    You’ll be able to work through it, and hopefully she will be willing to share what’s going on. Friendships that are 30 years old can get through this and come out stronger and better than ever! 😊
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  • B
    Savvy October 2021
    Bethany ·
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    This is exactly what I was going to suggest!

    You say "maybe she's not excited?" but I'm going to propose a different theory. If my BFF of 30 years was getting married I would be freakin' STOKED. It would be very important to me to make sure everything was perfect for her... including myself. Which means I would put a lot of pressure on myself to have the right dress, and look my best. You say she has mentioned wanting to lose a little bit of weight, so do you think it's possible she stressing over that? Certainly all eyes will be on you, but as the MOH there will be moments when all eyes will be on her (walking down the aisle, her speech) and she might be worried about how people will see her.

    Or maybe I'm completely wrong, but just some food for thought!

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  • Jamie
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jamie ·
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    I thought about that as well. She has always been very weight conscious. So I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if that was the issue. I’m just a few weeks out till the ceremony that I just stopped asking. I’m going to trust that she has everything for the day of. I have so many things on my plate right now that I just can’t afford to worry about it anymore at this time. I did invite her on a girls day for her bday that’s coming up soon. Hopefully i’ll find out what’s really going on with her.
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