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Moh getting married

Susan, on March 26, 2024 at 5:29 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
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My MoH is getting married next year in Italy. We've known each other since freshman year in college and she was my MoH 6 years ago. She has been living abroad for the past 7 years so while we are still close, it's definitely dropped down to happy birthdays, holidays, and brief conversations here and there when time allows and I now have a 3 year old and 2 month old.


My dilemma is that she traveled to come to my wedding when she was in Spain at the time and I am so excited for her to get married, but I've just been so on the fence about what to do. I know she'll hopefully understand things have changed and now I really can't just up and leave my family for a week, or afford to take them with us (not even sure if it's a child friendly wedding). Logistically it's tricky, I haven't been away from my kids overnight yet and even though they'll be 4 and 16 months, I still don't feel comfortable leaving them and financially it isn't doable for us all to travel abroad for such a short time and we definitely couldn't afford to extend it into a family vacation.
Looking for advice on what to do, I really care about our friendship and I don't want her to feel obligated to say she understands and then for there to be resentment between us. I just feel so guilty since flew to my wedding and I am dreading that I'll likely have to say no to hers.

7 Comments

Latest activity by K B, on April 11, 2024 at 12:52 PM
  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    Could your partner stay home with the kids? I know it sucks to travel alone, but I also understand how much you want to be there. I'm going to a wedding in Europe later this year also, and it's possible I will go without my husband if he can't make it work. Or could you leave the kids with grandparents for a few days?
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  • C
    CM ·
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    A four month old? Forget it. Wedding invitations are not tit for tat. I know you want to be there but it sounds logistically and financially unrealistic. If she can't understand that you want to be there but it's just not feasible, then she's not a very good friend. I think any reasonable person would fully appreciate that the timing is just unfortunate.

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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    What role are you being invited to play in the wedding? A guest? A bridesmaid? MoH? I think your response to that matters a lot in how to handle it. She traveled from Spain to be your MoH. That's a very important position to be in and it's understandable that she traveled to fill that role. If you are being invited as a guest, it's must more understandable, and acceptable, if you decline because of finances and family obligations.

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  • U
    Just Said Yes May 2025
    User1525 ·
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    If she’s your friend, she will understand that you would be there if you could. She would rather you be there but true friendship doesn’t hold grudges.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    A real friend will understand with grace and without resentment that you can’t just drop everything to travel overseas when you are at different stages in your lives. If she doesn’t, then she’s not your friend.
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  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    I agree with others that she should understand you’re in a different situation and may not be able to make it. But please give her the explanation! There are people who just RSVPd no to my wedding without a word, and it hurt because I’d gone above and beyond for them in the past. If they’d given me an explanation, it wouldn’t have bothered me at all. You’re not technically required to do anything but RSVP no if you can’t attend, but for a situation like this, a short explanation can save a lot of hurt feelings.
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  • K
    Just Said Yes April 2024
    K B ·
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    I was recently in a similar situation (except I was the bride). I was a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding about 5 years ago. We now live in different states, she has a toddler & isn’t working (so it’s now a 1 income household). We’re still close so she was invited to my wedding. Ultimately, she couldn’t make it & I fully understood. I know she wanted to be there but life circumstances have changed. It is what it is. Just be honest with your friend. If they’re truly your friend, they’ll understand.
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