moh drama

Did you communicate to her beforehand what expectations you may have? And did she agree to do them? A lot of people on here are firmly in the camp that MOHs are not obligated to do anything but show up the day of but I think if you want her to do a little more like come to dress fittings that's fine as long as that was clearly communciated and agreed upon beforehand

Could you ask your cousin to be a co-MOH? It might be insulting to do now, but less insulting than replacing her entirely and most likely ruining the relationship completely.
I asked my best friend to be my MOH simply because she’s the person I want standing next to me and I love her no matter how much or how little support she can give or what she can/will do for me.

It’s not that I don’t love her and cherish her as a friend. She’s just not helping with anything and she’s bailing last minute on any wedding plan we made together. That’s my concern

At the end of the day it's all a title. So all of them are there for you regardless if they're MOH or not.

I swear there are more "MOH drama" threads than "Cash vs Open Bar" threads!

"I don’t think she can handle the responsibilities of MOH."

What exactly are the responsibilities of a MOH other than showing up reasonably sober and dressing nicely? To replace her is a friendship ending move. What exactly are you expecting from her? Dress shopping? To throw you a shower? Both are options.

If she can show up clean, dressed and pressed for your wedding that is all that is required. Remember, and this comes with love: No one cares about your wedding more than you.

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I agree with Florida. I think your expectations are way high. MOHs and BMs don't have to do anything but buy the correct dress and stand with you on your wedding day. If you really want to demote her, be prepared for the friendship with MOH to end

My expectations are “if you say you’re going to come to things, then come to things”. I’m not sure why everyone is so upset. I outlined duties: come choose a dress color, come to a dress fitting, come to the bachelorette party, come to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment It definitely sucks then that she bailed on things she said she'd do. I definitely would not jump to making someone else MOH. Maybe start with asking, if you haven't, why she couldn't make it and tell her how you were disappointed that she bailed since she told you she was coming and you were looking forward to seeing her then.

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See, I would have respectfully declined. I don't want to come to your dress fitting, I will go to my dress fitting alone, thanks, and I am not into bachelorette parties. I guess I know now why I was never a bridesmaid, lol!!! I am 54 and have seen A LOT of wedding drama over the years.

I do think it is sweet that you are letting them choose a color!! But please: for the sake of the friendship, let it go. I had a friend tell me over answering machine (it was the early 90's, don't laugh) that she was choosing to move on my wedding day and sorry, she was not a bridesmaid anymore. I have not spoken to her since. Not the same thing but it was rough.

Good luck, and I mean that in sincerity.

Have you talked to her about how you’re upset by this? In the end, being MOH is really just standing by you and helping you through the day. I get being frustrating about her bailing on things, but she might not realize how important it actually is to you.

If you have ANY expectations other than your girls showing up and standing next to you, you have to be very clear about what you want from them. It’s okay to say you expect more from your bridal party, but nothing else really comes with the title unless you come to an understanding with them.

I realized early on that I would save myself a lot of frustration by making my sister co-moh and boy oh boy am I glad I did. It was a little awkward the day I did it, but 18 months later, the original moh couldn't care less. She never really would've done much to begin with. That much became obvious quickly! My sister, however, was much more invested in my happiness. I think my gut said OF COURSE pick your best friend, but reality says blood is thicker than water.

Hi everyone, I actually did talk to my MOH and asked her to step down. She was very relieved and is still a bridesmaid. My cousin stepped up and has assisted me in a lot of wedding related things.

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I'm in a similar position as you, wanting to ask my MOH to step down and be a BM instead, and I'd like to have one of my BMs step up to be MOH as she has been there for me through this entire "process" much more. I don't expect much from any of these ladies, but I do expect some - come with me to try on and pick out a dress, help me with creative ideas because Idk what I'm doing and I'm not very creative, and talk me down when I have an emotional moment. I gave my ladies a lot of freedom in their dresses, as well - I picked their colors but told them to do what they wished with their styles. My MOH lives in another state, but has been "involved" in a group chat and by "involved" I mean she reads the messages but either doesn't respond or has one/two word answers. She asks me this week, 7 weeks before the wedding, if she needs to buy her own dress or if we'll "just figure it out when she gets here" two days before. And, the worst for me is like you mentioned Brooke, every conversation about the wedding that she and I have between the two of us turns into negativity and discussing her and her relationship.
This girl has been my friend for more than 20 years. But I've spent my entire life being walked on, taken from and looked over. This is the one time it's about me. I disagree with all those saying "all they have to do is put on a dress and show up." This is the one time in my life/our lives that it should be all about us for a bit. I'm not asking to be catered to every minute of the day. But I would like a little bit of attention shown to celebrate this special time. I was going to post my own question about whether I should ask her to step down so the other BM could step in, but your post and the responses have really given me my answer.

View Quoted Comment All 👏🏽 Of 👏🏽 This👏🏽

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We went to a wedding in late July and happened to meet the couple a week later for some bloody's and brunch. I was telling her how beautiful the wedding was (cause it was!) and then she proceeded to launch into how her "Maid of Honor let me down, she was not stepping up to do all the roles I assigned her." Ladies (and gents) on this board: Is this a thing now? Look, I am 54 and been attending weddings (that I can remember) since the early 70's so I have been to A LOT. Because if it is a "thing", it needs to go! Stop with the expectations and entitlements. Your only agenda is to marry your bud, not assign roles and duties to your friends. You assign roles and duties to the people you hire.

No wonder people stress out - between Save the Dates, bridesmaid proposals, wedding party drama, planning a memorial table, finding a photobooth -well it would cause me to day drink, lolol!!!

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So I think generally there are some assumed duties that come with bridal party, particularly MOH. Those would be help the bride if asked (and you can and what is being asked is reasonable) and plan a bachelorette party (with help of others). Some people even assume its expected to throw a shower. I really think it is based on where you are from and what normally transpires. However, because people have different expectations, it's so so so important to explain what those are when you ask them to be that roll.

I assumed my MOH would plan my bachelorette. We've been best friends since we were kids and have been planning each others hypothetical wedding events for years. But I think the issue is so many people expect their MOH and bridesmaids to be at their beck and call for everything. I was a bridesmaid for a girl when I was in law school and she wanted the world. She got mad if we didn't check in daily and then that the shower we threw wasn't big or expensive enough - I could barely afford my law books. It was insane!!! I wanted my MOH to look for a dress with me and pick the bridesmaids dress brand she liked - which I told her and feel like are normal best friend things. I can't figure out for the life of me why I would want her at my fitting or any other vendor appointment.

I think many people expect way too much of their bridal party. Requiring hair and makeup and not paying, expensive accessories, several assigned tasks, etc. Bridal party have lives outside of your wedding. literally the only people I can think of that OBVIOUSLY ALWAYS have a task are ushers and readers.

Hello all,
I’d like to say that I did outline some duties for my MOH beforehand that she said she was willing to do. Those duties were: help choose a dress color, but a dress, come to the bachelorette party and come to the wedding. We talked and agreed that she would step down. She wasn’t upset and is still a bridesmaid. She is moving soon and excited to focus on that instead of my wedding. We still talk every day and there are no hard feelings to my knowledge. My cousin was given the title of MOH and she is happy to come to dress fittings, plan things...etc. I appreciate all your advise, but everything worked out.

I am in the same boat with my MoH. Before I asked her, she knew I was expecting her to help pick my dress, order her dress & shoes, plan a bridal shower (with assistance if she asked from my mom & bridesmaids), plan the bachelorette party (with assistance of bridesmaids), and be able to be there for me emotionally. She has been the hardest person to get a hold of in my whole wedding party. She didn't plan a bridal shower like I had asked her months ago & didn't reach out to anyone. If I hadn't vented to a BM about it, I would never have gotten a bridal shower. She waited super long to start a conversation about bachelorette party. that another BM beat her to it and they all asked her opinion. She read the messages, but never responded. So I called her and said the BMs are planning the bachelorette party with or without you and if you want input you better tell them now because they are ready to finalize everything. If she wasn't my best friend for over a decade and always there for me normally - I would have asked her to step down to BM and promote 1 of the 2 BMs that have been there for me the whole time and stepped up to plan stuff. I've decided I'm not asking her to step down as I get married at the end of the month, but I'm not happy with her. If I had to pick the person all over again knowing what I know now, I would've picked someone else.

View Quoted Comment This is 100% exactly my situation