BecomingBecker
Dedicated October 2020

moh Drama...possible drop out

BecomingBecker, on June 23, 2020 at 1:44 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
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So I NEVER thought that this would be a problem I would have...BUT I'm pretty sure that one of my Co-MOH's(who is my cousin) isn't coming to my wedding in October...and I truthfully get it, she has VERY high risk children. But how she's acting...it's made me kinda look back and reevaluate some stuff. She tried to convince me that I HAD to cancel or postpone my wedding, using the line "It would kill me if someone got sick at my wedding" even after I explained to her that we have 2 alternative plans in case we can't hold our wedding as planned...

Then she cancelled my bridal shower and bachelorette party...and didn't tell anyone but me, INCLUDING the other MOH...and the guests...no one had a freaking clue. My other MOH who I'll just call Bestie from now on to differentiate between them, has completely rallied and planned a new party for me, a camping/floating weekend, which made me really think over the fact that cousin kept emphasizing just HOW much SHE was doing for all my parties since bestie was "not a lot of help" but that she "understood that she's got a lot on her plate because she's in the middle of a divorce", after talking to bestie I've now found out that my cousin was disregarding pretty much any idea bestie came up with...so yeah

On top of it, she's pissed at me because I'm still going forward and doing SOMETHING for my bachelorette and when my bestie texted her about the idea of a float trip, instead of responding to her, my cousin called me, saying "So you want to go out of town? Well I can't do that with the kids" and then spent 30 mins explaining how it was impossible for her, but if I wanted to take the risk it was my call, but she couldn't go, and guilting me over it...

She's now barely talking to me and answering any text I send her, no matter the subject with just one word answers of "LOL" "Nice" or "Ok"...cousin code for pissed...

It's all made me just really look back at everything, she had convinced me to spend $1000's extra for stuff that I'm now calling to cancel because I DON'T need it. Including china and silver wear, and linens that I ordered from a rental place near HER house because she promised that they would pick it up and take it back for me; its 45 minutes out of the way from EVERYONE and 1.5 hours from my venue, and I don't even NEED plates or silver wear b/c my caterer is providing disposable and I really don't think that people that are eating BBQ are gonna give a crap about what they're eating it off of...

and I feel like I can't tell FH about any of this, he's already livid with her for sending me into a panic attack about postponing the wedding...and she's my cousin...I don't want our relationship damanged...I'm just lost and hurt...I completely understand why she probably won't be at the wedding and I wouldn't be mad at her at all for it...but how she's going about all of this...it just kills me...idk what to do

8 Comments

Latest activity by T&d, on July 20, 2020 at 5:13 AM
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    What does this make you want to do though? does it make you not want to be her friend anymore? or just to distance yourself from her?

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  • BecomingBecker
    Dedicated October 2020
    BecomingBecker ·
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    I really don’t know what I want to do, I don’t feel like I want her as MOH anymore, I feel like everything she did Or planned was in some shape self serving...but she is my cousin who has been there for me in the past...I’m so torn...
    Because she’s family especially and I’ve been drilled that family is everything my whole life and I’m a people pleaser, I HATE that she’s up set with me, but at the same time I’m PISSED at her for how she’s acted and treated me AND others...
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I guess my thing is, is this really only a realization for things related to your wedding?

    for instance one of my bridesmaids didn't get her dress til three days before my wedding and she had lied about getting it earlier than that AND she wanted to go to coachella rather than my bachelorette day even though we already set my bachelorette day way before coachella came out [she just randomly decided to get it] AND she forgot the party favors for my bridal shower. when we rescheduled my bachelorette day [it ended up being better to reschedule anyway] she was late to a lot of stuff and went to run her own errands in between.

    what i'm trying to say is ... as annoying as she was during the process of it all, at the end of the day i never questioned her friendship because 1] i knew her personality was a hot mess of chaos and disorganization to begin with aha and 2] because at the end of the day she still tried for me 3] isolated instances don't make up for her entirety of the friendship

    sometimes people can be really annoying about things ya know? but it could just be a phase. evaluate how she is overall. i know she hasn't made this process for you any fun or better, but i would just examine whether you think she's really a bad friend or she's just being annoying about certain things

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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    I would just write her a note and tell her that I feel it’s best if she wasn’t your maid of honor any longer. Just let her know that it’s been causing conflict and if she doesn’t want to attend the wedding that you would understand. This is the most important day of your life. You need as little drama as possible.
    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag

    2020 has made people do some really crazy things. Covid has brought out the crazy in people, one way or another. Spend some time on other wedding forums and you will find a bunch of people coming down HARD on anyone having a wedding this year or even next.

    I will say, it sounds like your cousin has kind of a controlling personality. You may be looking at this with bias since you're upset with her, but that's the vibe I got from the whole post.

    If I were in your shoes, I would text something along the lines of "Hey, I've been thinking about the wedding and I can tell you're not comfortable with what we have planned. Would you prefer to step down as MOH, and attend as a guest instead? That way you can let me know later if you aren't comfortable attending." If she steps down, great. If not, then it's on her.

    And then...ignore her negativity. Don't initiate text conversations with her.

    "So you want to go out of town? Well I can't do that with the kids" "I'm sorry to hear that, we went with what worked for the most people. We will miss you!"

    "People are going to get sick at your wedding" "We have alternatives worked out and precautions in place. We understand if people can't or don't want to go."

    Obviously if things get much worse between now and October I assume you'll cancel but some people, like your cousin, aren't going to be satisfied with anything. If you're confident in your decision to move forward then just be polite but firm and don't entertain her.

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  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
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    She convinced you to spend on things you don't need? You're an adult, "no" is an easy word. Don't blame her for your decision.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    You need to simply accept her not doing things, " Oh, we will miss you, but understand kids come first." Not try to accomodate or change, yourself or her, at this time. And you focus on your stage of life. Getting married. As far as she is concerned, just focus on not doing or saying anything you cannot get past in the future. It is okay to say, right now, we are at cross purposes. You are seeing life through Mommy eyes, me through a bride's. So lets agree to disagree, and spend time together next year.
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  • T&d
    Savvy October 2020
    T&d ·
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    Right on 👊fist pound! I think the same thing, covid19 got ppl mindset on a selfish level. When family should be pulling together.
    Im pretty much going thru a headache with my wedding party. Ppl ask for the position but dont want to do anything & im learning that most people now days dont think the wedding party suppose to do anything. But how i grew up your wedding party was your support mentally if nothing else. Ppl host parties for the bride & groom to celebrate them & your MOH help wherever needed. But They barely want to help you in your dress let alone host a party for ya. Guess we need to start putting the b.maids back in ugly dresses🤔 lol🤷 but i wish you all well & hope everything works out for the best. What God have in his will for us will be done for our good. If your love stands the test of covid it can stand the test of time. Bless it be ALL🙌🤗
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