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Beginner September 2021

moh Dilemma

Futuremrsg, on August 5, 2020 at 12:34 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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My MOH is my best friend of over 10 years and the obvious choice for my honor attendant. I’ve been engaged for over a year now, and I feel like she’s had an issue with something every step of the way.
She wanted to go ring shopping with my FH and his mom ended up having a family heirloom ring so he didn’t need to go shopping and told her this. Then he went to pick out a diamond for the setting with his mom and she got upset that he didn’t ask her to go with, even though they weren’t ring shopping.
She also isn’t friends with any of my other bridesmaids and has a negative past with one. When we all went dress shopping, MOH was being really distant and when I asked her about it she got defensive and said the other bridesmaid “was rude and rolled her eyes”. Then as we’ve been planning the bachelorette, she doesn’t like any of my ideas and at one point said she wouldn’t go if we did a particular activity. I’m also planning on getting mani-pedis with all the gals before my wedding and she refuses to get her nails done at my salon.Now, due to Covid, we are having a backyard ceremony and postponing our wedding until next year, and she says she is wearing joggers to our ceremony because “it’s just a backyard wedding” and she’s “just a guest”. I asked her to wear a dress as she will be in photos since she will have the ring and will sign the certificate. When they got their bridesmaid dresses, I was very lenient and let them pick whatever they wanted, I just picked the color. Am I justified in being annoyed about the joggers? It’s just disappointing that she fights me on everything. I feel conflicted because I really do love her like a sister and she has done a lot for me and spent a lot of money in the whole wedding process.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Natalie, on August 5, 2020 at 10:14 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 5, 2020 at 12:37 PM
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It sounds like overall she’s been kind of difficult
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Beginner September 2021
Futuremrsg · on August 5, 2020 at 12:39 PM
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Yes!! I don’t know how to handle it! She says she’s upset that she’s “losing me” once I get married. My FH and I own a house together and have lived together for over a year. I told her nothing is changing but our relationship status on our tax forms 😂🤷🏼‍♀️
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on August 5, 2020 at 12:44 PM
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It seems like shes pretty much being a "brat: about the situation as if it's her day. She needs to be able to coexist and be around your bridesmaids so that there is no drama on the day of your wedding, at least unnecessary drama!
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Super November 2020
Mindy · on August 5, 2020 at 12:46 PM
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I’m sorry she’s acting that way. Maybe she’s jealous that you’re at this milestone and she isn’t.
Speaking from experience, it is difficult to be the only friend in the group who isn’t married or the only one who doesn’t have kids. It does change the dynamic whether you intend it to or not.
Inadvertently, my married friends tend to hang out with other couples and other married people. Same thing with my friends who have kids. It’s not personal, although sometimes it can feel that way.
But if she doesn’t want to dress appropriately for the occasion then I would have someone else in the photos. You don’t need the headache and the drama.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on August 5, 2020 at 12:49 PM
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You have ever right to be annoyed. She's ruining your moment. I've said this on other people's posts, weddings bring out the ugly side of people even those people you wouldn't expect. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. You need to sit down with her and tell her how she is making you feel. She talks about how she feels like she is losing you but yet she's the one who is distancing herself from you and being so difficult during your wedding celebration. I don't understand why people think once a couple gets married they will lose that person.
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on August 5, 2020 at 1:26 PM
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Honestly, it's super weird that she got mad about not going ring shopping with your FH. It's also horrible and wrong that she's belittling your backyard ceremony. I'd sit down with her and have a talk. That's not how your MOH should be acting. She should be nothing but supportive during this time in your life. Definitely seems like she's a little jealous to some extent. You have every right to be annoyed, I definitely would.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on August 5, 2020 at 1:33 PM
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I would sit down with her maybe for a coffee date and talk to her and ask her is everything okay? Just say that you love her and cannot imagine her not being there on your day but you have noticed she has not seemed happy throughout the process. I would say try to put it as a is everything okay? I know sometimes I can have attitude and be sarcastic and not realize how upset I may make someone until they tell me. I agree with a pp that it is hard when a friend is going through an important life milestone and you are not but I have also sucked it up and did what I needed to with a smile. I feel she needs to as well. If anything I would maybe have a session to talk out feelings but not for you to tell her how she needs to act but maybe kind of express that it is important that you have her full support and encouragement and sometimes she seems bothered by things and you just want to be a good friend and see what is going on. Maybe she will realize how she is acting but maybe something is bothering her too and getting it out of her system could make things better or it could cause more issues talking about it.
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on August 5, 2020 at 3:22 PM
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It sounds like she’s jealous. There really isn’t anything you can do to change that jealousy, it’s all her. You can try to talk to her about her attitude, but be forewarned it may not go well and may end a friendship.
She also seems very insecure. As this sounds very close to home for me, please know that while you think she’s your “friend” she sounds very toxic (I’m just going off what you’ve said).
Please be careful and know if your friendship does end because you said something, she was never really your friend. You have every right to tell her not to wear joggers, just because it’s now a backyard wedding it doesn’t make it any less beautiful or meaningful!
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Savvy October 2020
Tia · on August 5, 2020 at 4:19 PM
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Honestly if she was a true friend she would be supportive of your moment. I had a similar situation with my best friend and had to eventually remove her from being moh. It sucks but you can’t have that type of negativity and this a big moment in your life.
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on August 5, 2020 at 10:14 PM
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Wow! That has to be so frustrating! It sounds like every step of the way, she is making your wedding about her. I agree with PP who suggest talking to her. It is already hard enough to be a Covid bride, let alone with her comments and attitude!
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