moh Covid Wedding Drama

I think it is perfectly fine to step down or not attend considering it’s so last minute, if it doesn’t work for your schedule and stuff.

Well the way she weirded it sounds like she's giving you an out but of your concerned about social distancing then you can step down.

I think it’s fine to step down if you’re uncomfortable going to a wedding due to covid. I’m guessing you have to travel and that’s why 1.5 months for a small wedding isn’t enough advance notice? I decided to have a small ceremony and it’s in 3 weeks and I just asked my bestie to come and she is thrilled. But obviously if it was to travel 3 weeks isn't a lot of notice but she’s local. If you’re asking what would I do, I would make it work for my best friend. I think most people will tell you that you are within reason to step down due to their currant state and your strict social distancing. To play the other side a bit... how close are you two? Must be very if you are her MOH. I have been very strict distancing but would move heaven and earth for my best friend. Has she asked you to buy a dress or throw her any of the Traditional events? Or has she reasonably understood her decision to wed so soon in a pandemic could result in disappointment on that stuff? If you are worried you can ask her about how they are cleaning and making it safe and you can wear a mask. I believe Airbnb isn’t allowing events or parties currently so either this is flying under the radar or it will be very small if that helps anything.
Again I think stepping down due to the pandemic is perfectly understandable and reasonable but wanted to offer another side.

View Quoted Comment Thanks so much for your advice. We were really close, but honestly covid has drawn us apart. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being safest, I have been living at an 8... she’s been living at a 3.... I feel like she just impulsively and secretly planned this wedding, perhaps with the support of the other bridesmaids who aren’t as strict about social distancing as me... her own family won’t even be there. It’s their clique of 8 that’ll be there and I’ve never been a part of it... I suspect she chose me bc a) were close b) I’m really good at planning events c) she look(ed) up to me


I’m not a formal or uptight person by any means, but I feel so sad and uncomfortable and unwanted. I’m not making this about me by any means, but I’m not also trying to uphold some obligations for a wedding and all the festivities 1+ years out 💔 I honestly should’ve declined from the very beginning when there wasn’t even a date or venue confirmed.

View Quoted Comment It's a shame that you've let covid come between the relationship. I have friends from like 2 to 9 on the covid spectrum, and as someone on the careful side, I struggled at first to not be angry or resentful of my less careful family and friends. Now I've realized that everyone has different understandings of the risks and needs, and that as long as someone isn't breaking the rules of their area, their decisions should be respected.


At the same time, I know some of my friends in the 7-9 range aren't coming to see me, so I haven't asked them to do anything, invited them to events, or talked to them about planning a wedding I know they won't be comfortable attending.
It's a tense time, so I'm not sure I have solid advice. I understand wanting to step down so you're not responsible for MOH duties for an indefinite amount of time. But if it is a close friend, I would probably stick it out, or at least talk with her about the plan for the year before I offered to step down.
I feel like some of the anger and frustration in this post could do to be replaced with patience and love.

View Quoted Comment Trust me I’ve been VERY patient and loving and non-judgmental... just now reaching out on this platform bc I’m honestly depressed. Literally tried to help plan stuff for 2 months straight EVERY DAY before covid hit, but they were wishy washy and her family is very untraditional. No initiative or organization.


I just flat out don’t know/trust 50% of the people that will be there, even it is a small wedding of 8-10 people.
My father has a compromised immune system and I literally watched him almost DIE in the icu two years ago... it’s a miracle he’s still alive... I don’t think it’s right that I’ve or anyone else — brides, families etc. — have been put in this position.

I had multiple bridesmaids and friends not come to my wedding due to covid. Them being honest and upfront with me while still being supportive and kind helped me the most and I know my relationship with them will be fine long after covid. I recommend you tell her you cannot attend and offer your virtual support- whether it be sending a gift or flowers day of or just checking on her progress with planning. Good luck!

If you don't feel comfortable, don't attend. You have every reason to not attend if you have concerns re COVID and you certainly don't need to justify it to anyone.

I feel for you financially though. BMs and MOHs don't need to do any planning or incur any expense but you went above and beyond and got nothing back for it. It sucks big time and there's not much you can do but I do sympathise with you! I would've likely done the same thing.

View Quoted Comment This is why I asked. It sounds like she is giving you an out and you should take it. I have only spent my covid time with others with similar views of safety. You should do what’s best for you and your health and no one should look down on you for that choice. Assuming you still plan to go to her bigger events when covid is better, I would offer your support at that time and wish her the best at her intimate wedding. Best of luck!

It sounds like she is understanding if you can’t make it in Oct, so I don’t know why you want to step down? Honestly, that would crush me as a bride. The limbo you’ve had planning a bachelorette party for the past 6 months is multiplied 10x for a 2020 bride trying to plan the actual wedding amid this! It seems harsh to hold her accountable for her family’s flaws and her inability to provide certainty for you during a pandemic...
Its completely ok not to attend because you have to be extra cautious, but I’m sure she would appreciate any remote support you have rather than bailing entirely.

View Quoted Comment I don't think you should attend if you are uncomfortable doing so, and the bride told you as much. She gave you an out from attending the minimony, take it!


Trust me, I understand. The flu almost killed my sister last year and the doctors told us her lungs were failing, so obviously covid is a huge risk. I have nightmares about it all the time. That's my baggage to carry though, so I won't be going to lots of things, but I also wont be upset with people who are.
That said, if you had other issues being MOH, there's nothing wrong with stepping down

View Quoted Comment Thank you... I guess I just get the vibe that my remote support isn’t enough, but I’m more than willing to admit that could be more to do with my own issues — but it could totally not be my “issues.”


I guess I’m just nervous bc she’s emphasized that she wants to do all the traditional stuff like showers, bachelorette parties etc. after covid settles down... and I’m not sure I can commit, in addition to all the efforts I’m going through for the remote support: wedding day emergency kit ($&dollar virtual Bach party ($$$&dollar gifts ($$&dollar

View Quoted Comment Thank you — it is a 4 hour road trip in a very remote area. We (husband and I) would either have to stay at the air bnb with a few people (half of which we’ve never even met) or stay at a hotel/air bnb of our own

I guess I don't understand what the problem is. It sounds like she's having a small wedding now and wants the festivities next year, which is what a lot of people are doing. What expenses do you have now, other than driving to the wedding? The shower, bach etc. is next year, right?

Not everyone picks a wedding date right away, and she only had 3 months or so before Covid. She gave you 2 months' notice on her small ceremony.

You say you don't know half of the (10!) people who will be there, but like...it's her wedding. Why would you know them? Most of my BMs haven't even met my parents let alone my FI's parents. Nor did most of them know each other before my bachelorette a couple weeks ago. The wedding party is her family and friends, not yours...

You asked what we would do, so...I would go, and then stay away from your dad for a week or two after if you're concerned. You say you're not trying to make this about you, but you kinda are.