moh backed out

I'm sorry that she backed out! I truthfully wouldn't replace her at all. If she decides to change her mind, her spot can be there for her. Otherwise, I would continue on with the bridesmaids you do have. If you feel like you want to "promote" one of your current bridesmaids to MOH, I think that would be fine as well. If she decides to come back after that, you can always have two MOHs.

I could never replace one of my closest friends.

You’re definitely allowed to feel disappointed, especially when she’ll be in another wedding soon. I’m sure it was a very difficult decision for her to make. I’d still include her in your planning as it sounds like she still wants to be there to support you, she just isn’t able to make the financial commitment required for being in the wedding party. If she’s concerned about her finances, it’s likely she also isn’t wanting what she may consider “handouts”, even though that’s not how you consider it. Maybe having a final conversation about it after the holidays to see if she’d be open to a different dress that you purchase and letting her know there’s no obligation to host extra parties.


Whatever you end up doing, please don’t “replace” her. You can have a wedding party without a MOH. The person you ask as the replacement will know they weren’t first choice, and I bet it will make your best friend feel even worse about having to step down.

What if you buy her the dress? Pay for her tickets? I would do that instead of losing a good MOH.

You really don't need to pick your attendants this far out anyway. Wait until 6-8 months to pick your MoH and bridesmaids who are your closest friends. Weddings tend to show people's true colors and this kind of thing is very common on WW, especially when bridesmaids are picked over a year in advance and out of obligation (not saying yours is the latter but many are)

Try not to be hurt. Is she still coming to the wedding, as a guest? I am a little surprised that she would tell you this with 10 months to go. I would work my tail off & scrimp & save to be a maid of honor for one of my closest friends. Do you think there is something else going on? Does she like your fiancee? Something isn’t adding up. I would just let it go for now.

She may have set aside money for the other wedding in advance. Then as Covid was affecting her finances found the other bridal party was kicking 500 or so, with lots of pressure, to do a shower. and more for a bachelorette. And if she is barely keeping her head above water, she is not stepping into the unknown again. I am sorry for you both. But expectations for WP, at least BM, have gone out of sight for a lot of people. Let her be a friend, and if your bachelorette is a few hours and local, see about her being invited to join you.

Oh no! What a bummer. I don't think you should replace her.

What were her replies when you asked to assist her financially and find her a different dress? I wouldn’t “replace” her with anyone else as a “just because” action. I mean, if there was someone else you wanted in the wedding party you would’ve already asked them and not simply include them as a back-up plan.

I wouldn’t replace her. The girl you move to MOH would know she wasn’t your 1st choice. I agree with the others- you don’t have to have a MOH. Work with what you have.

Give it some time, hopefully her Financial situation will change for the better. Just hold out, if she is that important to you.

It sounds to me that perhaps your MOH has realised from being in the bridal party for this other friend that it is a much bigger commitment than she is prepared to accept, whether for financial reasons or otherwise. Do not pay attention to the fact that she is part of someone else’s bridal party next month because chances are that she didn’t back out of that one because it is too soon and quite possibly because that was the experience that made her realise it is not for her.

I can sympathise with your disappointment but in all honesty, your MOH did the best thing; she gave you ample notice and was honest about it. I also would not appoint another MOH because ‘replacing her’ is exactly how your new MOH/promoted bridesmaid will feel – I would forego having a MOH to avoid making anyone feel like my ‘plan B’.

I would talk to her to see if there's more to the story and tell her that you and your fiancé truly want to help her. If it's the dress you could suggest going to look for a different one together

The other wedding comes well before yours and isn't at all relevant to her decision about your wedding. I would take her at her word about her finances and be a supportive friend. It's so stressful to worry about money.

So, I understand your disappointment that she won't be there (although I can't tell from your post if she just can't be MOH or if she can't attend at all), but I can't imagine replacing my best friend. If you truly feel she is replaceable, then it's probably best she knows this now so she can scale back all the help she is providing you.

I would not replace her. if you even offered to help pay for her to come and she still says no, then there's not much left to do. if you've got live stream or something where she could join that would be nice though

Because it is still 10 months out, earlier than the 6-9 months people usually announce bridesmaids, I do not see why you cannot ask someone else. My godmother /Matron of Honor I would not have replaced. But I planned 3 bridesmaids. And had a list of 5 ladies. When the third I asked said she was 4 months pregnant and due my wedding weekend, I did not think twice about mo ing down the list. It would have been different at 2-3 months, with dresses bought, parties planned or held. But 2 weeks after getting engaged, I was not going to hold open a space because one could not do it. Asked at 10 months, another woman would not think you settled on her in absolute desperation to fill the slot, like at a few weeks or months. I cannot see it bothering someone, that you asked someone else, and she can't fo it, 20 months out. Every one of your bridesmaids could have been your second or third one asked, if others said no. Who cares, this far out? I would be happy the friend considered me one of the people she wanted. Who cares how many turned you down, it is not a sacred position. It is possible and not at all negative that you might have 10 people you would like, but only space and money and desire for 2-4.

Please don't replace her. No one wants to feel second best/second choice.