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Dedicated August 2019

mog - Sillyness/childish?

Blag, on April 28, 2019 at 8:13 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Good Morning 🌞,

Yesterday my fiancé (groom), one of his groomsmen, FOG, MOG, and I went to pick out my fiance’s Suite. We were all gathered around the table looking at different ideas and colors. I noticed his mom sitting and not really involving herself. I asked FOG why she wasn’t joining us and he said because she’s waiting for me to ask her to come over and join. and I was like why she s an adult she can come over if she wants and involve herself. I was a little bit annoyed because she always seems to like play games and act like a victim a lot. A couple of weeks ago there was drama and apparently she felt left out of things a lot and I can’t help but keep thinking that she kind of does that to herself and creates this vision in her head this causing her to feel that way. My fiancé thinks that I need to ask her to be included in stuff continuously so she doesn’t feel left out but I mean we are all adults, right? it all just seems kind of childish like we are in high school or middle school and it is just silly in my eyes. I think that because of how she sees things and her mentality it limits her. I don’t really think I need to baby her and all that because I really don’t have time for the nonsense. is this stuff on me or is it the MOG problem that she needs to get through?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Blag, on April 28, 2019 at 9:29 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on April 28, 2019 at 8:16 AM
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Generally if you want someone to be included in your wedding planning, you ask for their opinion or to help with specific things. You're correct that you are all adults, which is probably why she feels that her input isn't needed unless it's asked for.
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Expert June 2019
Grace · on April 28, 2019 at 8:31 AM
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I think a lot of mother of the grooms feel this way. Traditionally, the brides family makes all the decisions for the wedding and pays for everything so it’s common for the grooms family to feel left out. I know my fmil feels a little left out but I do try to at least keep her updated on the plans, I don’t really have an issue with her creating problems around it though, hopefully you can work it out. My brother is also planning a wedding right now and my parents have done absolutely nothing for it, they’re just paying for the rehearsal dinner. Maybe you can give her the reigns for the rehearsal dinner!
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on April 28, 2019 at 8:36 AM
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She was there to begin with, which means she was already asked to be included. If she expects a personal invitation specifically from you to join in each activity, then it's her problem. Just treat her the same as you normally do, and hopefully she'll get over it.
Is FH an only child, by chance? Maybe this is her way of guilt tripping him into giving her more attention, and making him think you're the bad guy.
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Dedicated August 2019
Blag · on April 28, 2019 at 8:43 AM
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I think it is her problem. She’s been acting like this from the beginning of the wedding planning. And it is just a it tiring. She’s definitely guilt tripping her son and making me look like the bad guy and she definitely wants a ton of attention. I don’t know why but my fiancé just doesn’t see any of it. I tried a lot before for him to see it but he is blinded. I gave up and am just being myself. I don’t have time for the games and what not.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on April 28, 2019 at 8:46 AM
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I agree with Theresa. If she was there in the first place, she was included. Idk she just sounds a little difficult. It will be up to you whether you feel like it's necessary to coddle her each step of the way. I guess if she was inserting her opinion where it wasn't needed, that may be more frustrating.
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Dedicated August 2019
Blag · on April 28, 2019 at 8:50 AM
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I’m definitely not going to coddle her. She is an extremely difficult person. like everything she tries to make very difficult. It’s exhausting. I’m going to talk to my fiancé about it today and putting my foot down.
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Devoted June 2019
C R · on April 28, 2019 at 8:59 AM
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If you were there to pick out HIS suit, then he really needed to be the one to specifically include her....I'm unclear about why that should've fallen on you.

Outside of wedding planning, and just in life generally, when one person's family member has issues like this (and w/o knowing more, I would tend to agree she has issues), it should be that person to deal with the matter, not the spouse. I would strongly recommend having a discussion about this to get on the same page so that this is not a recurring issue going forward.
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Dedicated October 2019
Jill · on April 28, 2019 at 9:18 AM
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Personally - I would just ask her to be involved. It’s a small thing that might prevent future drama. I totally get that it is childish and the wedding is about you and your FH though. But at the same time, feeling like she is involved with her son’s wedding might be important to her. The brides mom is usually more involved (going to pick out dresses, etc) so she might feel like she isn’t as important. Just my two cents- hope that helps. Good luck!
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Dedicated August 2019
Blag · on April 28, 2019 at 9:29 AM
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She was asked to come to the store but when we were at the store she literally just sat there looking miserable and not getting involved. Apparently she didn’t even want to come and my fiancé had to almost beg her. It’s just a lot of game playing for her. She craves it trust me. I originally thought involving her would help but no matter what she chooses to be unhappy and cause drama. It’s really not on me to be quite frank. I think she is not at peace knowing she isn’t the mother of the bride or something. She flipped out when she found out I just wanted me and my mom to go shopping for my wedding dress. And then she complained to her son & he came to me complaining and saying I should invite her. It was my decision because I wanted to go dress shopping with my mom. I’m sorry that she didn’t like that?
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