mog issues?

I agree with Meghan! Keep her out of the wedding plans! She doesn't need to be involved, especially while being super negative. I couldn't have that around me. I've already had to filter certain individuals from my wedding planning for my peace of mind. It makes me feel better. You're not going to want to have this second shadow hovering over you, being condescending and criticizing everything you do. All you need is your partner and positive parties to ensure your wedding runs smoothly. With my FMIL, it's all about control. If it's not about her, she sees red. She's very jealous of me and has done vindictive things to try to spite me and get my fiance to go against me. Those tactics ALWAYS fail. Sometimes, you just need to stop including people in your personal plans because those are the times they go on the creep, trying to manipulate the situation in ANY WAY that they can! Sigh... you shouldn't be feeling like this. And I know where you're coming from. Hopefully your situation will get better.

I'm so sorry, she definitely sounds like a challenge. I'd also point out, that based on your descriptions, it sounds like she goes the passive-aggressive route frequently, (e.g., "Oh, if that's what you want, I won't put you in the middle..."). The whole point of P-A behavior is to manipulate the receiver into doing what they want without actually having to say it, so they always have the defense of, "Well, I said if that's what YOU want...." Don't step into that trap! Instead respond with, "That's great! It means so much to FH that cousin Susie officiates. Your support means everything!" Then do what you wanted! She throws a fit about needing to meet your parents, respond with, "Well, since they can't come here before the wedding and you're not able to travel to them, there isn't another option. It will be so great to have you all meet at the rehearsal -- my folks can't wait to meet you after all these years!" END OF DISCUSSION! The color scheme? "We're really happy with it and think it will look beautiful and very flattering on everyone. So many colors look good on you, I'm sure you'll find something you love." END OF DISCUSSION. From what you've said, it sounds like FH's family gives in to her "hints" and complaining, but you don't have to. You can acknowledge what she's said without giving in. She brings up the same topic again, just smile and laugh and say, "don't you remember, we already talked about our decision on that!" And when she tries P-A, respond to her literal words, not the veiled meaning. If she wants to push it, she's going to have to say point blank, "I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT," and most P-As won't be that direct. It messes with their strategy of manipulating without having to confront. Good luck! Boundaries and communication strategies you use now and help over the long-haul.

I agree that FMIL is being very passive aggressive and manipulative. I'm going to echo what PPs have already said. Definitely stop including her in the planning since she's always going to find something wrong!

I have learned to keep things to myself. Once you show things to people they think that you're asking for their opinions....

My FMIL is just like this honestly. While it comes from the best place in her heart it is stressful. Just try to keep it to a minimal with her on any wedding talk. my FMIL has done this to me one too many times that I just include her when its small things or easy things. That way shes not offended that shes not a part of it but she also doesn't push you anymore and stress you out more.

I think you'll need to set boundaries as to how involved she is in planning. Only ask her opinion on things you genuinely want her opinion on. For everything else it's "we've made the decision on x colors" and if she comments you can just say "well thank you for sharing your opinion, but FH and I have already decided on this".

I know it's hard, im a people pleaser myself and struggle with others' opinions, but at some point you've just gotta draw the line. Good luck

I totally agree with everyone else and to be honest because my mom and FMIL can both be pains in the neck I've shared very little with them. I sent the dress colors and 4 dresses i liked and they will figure it out. I have no problem pushing back but when you don't really share they can;t have the green light to comment. I used the reverse psychology method by saying I want them to just come show up enjoy Jamaica and celebrate our happiness that we have all the things planned out. I got dirty looks but now they don't ask.