mog basically taking over

Is MOG helping pay for your wedding? If she is not, then time to set some boundaries! No means no. Don't share any more details with her. And if she already went behind your back and invited extra guests, then she better be paying for those guests... Or if she only invited them verbally, then your FH could explain to them that it was a misunderstanding and you're having a small wedding. Bottom line is, your FH should be the one to deal with her because it's his mom. None of what she is doing is ok

Ugh! So sorry you're dealing with this on top of the rest of wedding stress! Out of curiosity, how did the official invites get sent to her extra 50 people? Did you guys approve it? If not, I would write those people and say sorry but you're actually not invited, and let her deal with the embarrassment and aftermath. That's so not okay for her to invite that many people without your approval.

Regardless, some serious boundaries need to get set. She sounds like a nightmare. Sounds horrible, but I would legit not include her on anymore details/vendor info/nothing. It sounds like your fiance has already tried to talk to her and that doesn't work either. Maybe time to just cut her out of everything except for showing up on the day... and maybe not even that :/

Wow! She sounds very difficult to deal with. Did you end up sending invites to these extra 50 people or did she just tell them verbally? If she told them verbally and you didn't send invites then I would call and apologize for the misunderstanding, but you are having a small wedding and unfortunately she misspoke when she extended the invite. You shouldn't have to invite people not on your guest list. As for the wedding dress, I wouldn't even discuss this subject with her anymore. It is your wedding and your dress and frankly none of her business. If she continues, be firm with her that you are very happy with the dress you have selected so that's what you will be wearing then change the subject. I also think it is ridiculous that she is fighting with you over cake. My only thought on the matter is that you should have enough cake so that each person gets a slice otherwise I would tell her once again the cake has been handled, but thanks for your opinion.

You and fiancé need to set and maintain boundaries as a team. There must be consequences for crossing them. If she can’t take no for an answer, maybe you need to limit or cut off contact.

Be aware that if she takes a mile with the wedding planning, she will also attempt to control where you live, where you work, where you spend holidays, how your children are raised and so on.

Your fiancé needs to have a serious talk with her, and not take any more BS. It’s time to be firm and put your foot down. Call the baker and make it very clear that she has no say in your cake, and if they do not provide what you ask for, you aren’t paying for it. Also let her know these guests are 100% not invited and she either needs to let them know this, or give you all of their contact info so you can. Time to be tough, girl! I know it’s difficult, but she is clearly out of control. If she is not paying then she absolutely has no right to butt in or invite people. I would let her know if she doesn’t stop, she will be removed from the list as well. This is crazy, good luck

She needs to let these people know that she made a mistake and they aren't invited. And then you need to set boundaries. "If you can't respect our wishes for our day, you won't be invited either." That's what your FH needs to tell his mom. The fact that she had the audacity to double your guest list without so much as word to either of you means that if you can't establish boundaries with her now, she'll bulldoze both of you for every family event you host in the future. She's not letting up because there are no consequences to her ridiculous behavior.

She is definitely over-stepping and trying to force your wedding to be what she wants regardless of what you and your DH want the wedding to be. Aside from the advice by the previous comments, I would 100% call each and every vendor to briefly explain that your FMIL is trying to go behind your back and alter your plans and I would set up a password with each vendor. If someone calls about your wedding and they cannot produce the password than no discussion should be had.

Yep, time for boundaries. Big time.

Unfortunately, there is no graceful way to handle this. You are going to have to be confrontational. Make sure your FH is on the same page as you so you can present a united front.

Hand her her list back and tell her that she is to contact every single one of them and uninvite them. If you don't think you can go that far, itemize it and tell her this is the money you expect her to pay for her guests to attend, or else see point A: she can call them and uninvite them. Make it explicitly clear one way or the other that you are not paying for the people she invited. How she handles that is her problem.

It is a shame your baker doesn't know how to handle her. As a former wedding professional, I had to field bossy MOBs/MOGs more than once. There would have never been more than one call from her for me - after the first one, I'd have made it clear to her that unless she was taking over the tab, I was not interested in her opinion on the service I was providing, and I would not be taking any further calls from her on the matter. They also shouldn't be "calling you every time she calls." The conversation should be stopping at them. Call them and inform them that 1: they are not to call you again about her calling them for any reason. They may be a family friend, but they are providing you a service, and they need to act like it. 2: in that same vein, they need to handle her. If you want to make a suggestion on how to do so, they can simply tell her that they are not accepting her input on your cake, and will not be taking any further calls from her about it, either.

As for the dress... it's as simple and as difficult as "I purchased the dress I wanted and I'm not interested in what you have to say about it. Thanks anyway." I know that is easier typed than done. I am sure you are trying not to have a difficult relationship with your FMIL, but the reality is that she has made it difficult. You are not a door mat. You don't have to lay down for your FMIL to wipe her shoes on so that you have an "okay" relationship.

It is time for your fiance to step up, and have a good talk with his mom about her getting too involved in the wedding. Otherwise she'll just continue.

I would also suggest putting her on an information diet. Tell her only what she actually needs to know rather than anything about the wedding planning.

Go to each vendor, explain the situation and inform them that they aren't to take orders from anyone but you and your fiance, and to confirm with you any requests they may have gotten.

Frankly I am going to rogue here and say even if she IS paying for something she an shut her Dorito hole and take a seat. This is for YOUR FIANCE to deal with. He needs to be firm and bring a third party as a witness to verify the conversation. I am serious. Hun, if this is not reigned in NOW just wait till you have baby.......I am 56 and I have seen this go on since the 80's!!!!

I would also say, and again, I am serious: "Look, you invited these people, now you get to call and UNIVITE them. " Your fiance can tell her this as well. Not speaking? Send a certified letter explaining it to her. Have the invites been sent out to the extras? If so, I would, legit, cancel the whole thing and elope. Waaaay too much stress for me. Or I would cancel it, have another wedding on another day and not invite her. Then again I am part ninja, lol. Best wishes!

Your FI has a mom problem. It's really his to deal with, but you two need to be on the same page.

She needs to uninvite all those people. Your FI needs to tell her there will be no tables, chairs, food or drinks for the guests that weren't invited.

Talk to all of your vendors and ask that they refer her back to your FI. They are not to speak with her or allow her to alter the plans.

Don't allow her to pay for anything.

People be crazy.