Modern wedding- “jobs” for kiddos

A lot of people in regards to family or children will do some sort of unity thing with them during the ceremony e.g. like everyone can put a different color of sand in a jar or something, etc. it's just a cute way of having everyone participate

My friend had "flower girls" who just walked down the aisle with the bridal party parents then sat down. If you are having the parents walk down the aisle, maybe have the girls walk with them

So you want them to participate in the ceremony, but they have to go home after? Logistically, that would be hard on the parents, and they have participated in your wedding. Do they not get to be guests? That doesn't seem fair to me

View Quoted Comment Their parents are 100% on board with them not attending the reception and their mom is the matron of honor. We are only having best man/matron, parents and sibling attend the actual vow ceremony.

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That's fine if they're on board. I just think it's unfair to ask children to show up, participate, and go home. They are still people who are helping you, just young ones. I personally wouldn't feel ok with it, but that's just one random persons opinion.

I should edit that we are hosting an untraditional wedding will be surprising our guests and will already be married at our reception. The vow ceremony is in the early morning before the ceremony and will only include our parents, sibling and best man/matron of honor. The girls are the matron’s kids so she’ll be there and is agreement that the girls shouldn’t be at the reception.

Don’t invite anyone to the ceremony who is not also invited to the reception. That includes children. Even as young as 4/5, they are intelligent enough to know when they are not wanted at an event. Many couples don’t have flowergirls or ring bearers so don’t feel obligated to have them or alternatives.


That said, while they have faded into obscurity, when I was growing up it was very common to ask close kids to be guestbook attendant or pass out programs as guests arrived for the ceremony. In our circles, flowergirls and ring bearers are unheard of. But you do you.

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There are no jobs or "jobs" that are really appropriate for children. And since you aren't interested in the common ceremonial roles of ring bearer/flower child, then I would just plan to take pictures with them after the ceremony.

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Since you're having such a small ceremony with so few people involved, I would suggest something along the lines of having the girls do something to mark the "official moment". May I suggest the ever eco friendly bubble gun? Have the girls be in charge of firing off bubble guns when you get pronounced husband and wife. Have your photographer(s) capture not only you guys but the girls firing off the bubbles as well. Then they feel like they have a job to do without it being traditional.

Also to make them feel special, you could have your florist make them flower crowns to wear at the ceremony that match yours/their mom's flowers. That way they feel like they are part of the wedding party.

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These are really fun ideas!

Why do you specifically not want "flower girls" but want young girls involved in the wedding? Its one of those things where it seems like an unnecessary differentiation. You don't have to buck tradition just for the sake of bucking tradition. Call them flower girls just for something to call them, its not complicated.

View Quoted Comment I’m not going against tradition for the sake of going against it. I’m ultimately trying to find something much more special for them than be simple flower girls.

Do the adults in attendance have “jobs”? It sounds like you are including the children because they are a special part of your immediate family. That could just be reason enough without finding an assignment for them.


If you want to mark the occasion, maybe presenting them with an age appropriate piece of jewelry at some point before/during/or after the ceremony?

I totally understand you wanting these children to feel like they had a special part in your day. I'm sure they'd love it and feel very special because of it. It can be a long day for little ones so probably is a good idea for them to not attend the reception especially if their mom is on board with it. Maybe you can have them announce your entrance before you walk down the aisle. They could hold a sign that says "here comes the bride" or ring a bell while saying "here comes the bride".