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Just Said Yes January 2024

Mock Ceremony anyone?

Marilynne, on March 27, 2023 at 4:38 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 8

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Hey everyone!

Sorry if this gets little long, I will try to cut to the chase. My Fiancé and I are getting married January of 2024. Our venue is booked and our plan is to do both reception and ceremony all in one place. We come from Catholic backgrounds and have fulfilled all the sacraments to this point. We were under the impression someone from our Parish being a Deacon, Pastor or Priest would be able to marry us at our venue.

Apparently this isn't the case because if you are Catholic and want to get married Catholic, it needs to be done in the Church, no exceptions. My mom has financially put in a lot to help me and my fiancé plan this dream wedding at our venue, but she wants us married in a Catholic Parish. To please her, we decided it would be best to try and have a private, intimate small wedding ceremony in a church the week leading up to our wedding at the venue. Here are my questions..

Has anyone run into issues trying to do this before? And what did you do with your ceremony at the venue since now its basically a "mock ceremony." Did you hire an officiant for the venue? If so, is there a clash because technically your already married through the church? Did you feel like getting married prior is a take away from your ceremony at the venue? Is getting married through the church a few days prior even a possibility? honestly any thoughts, comments, advice and answers are greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by GraceKelly, on March 28, 2023 at 11:55 PM

Master October 2023
Cece · on March 27, 2023 at 7:02 PM
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A lot of this is really going to be up to you. Do you still want to have another ceremony after already getting married? If so, it would be called a vow renewal (for the purpose of hiring an Officiant to perform the ceremony). Obviously it would not be a Catholic Officiant, but you could have a nondenominational Officiant perform it. You will want to make sure they understand that you are already legally married, and this would be a vow renewal, not a marriage. Most non-denominational Officiants are completely OK with performing these. If you don’t want/see a need to conduct another ceremony after already being legally married, you could skip that part all together and just host a reception for your guests. There is really no right or wrong answer here – it is just your and your fiancé‘s preference.
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Just Said Yes January 2024
Marilynne · on March 27, 2023 at 7:18 PM
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Thanks for your opinion. Honestly the purpose of doing it through the church is mostly to please my mom and her Catholic views. I want my venue to host our ceremony because that’s how I pictured myself getting married and I have a vision to do so there. My conflict here with making my mom happy as well as wanting to do what I want . We’re already in a contract with our venue so I can’t really change it at this point. Thanks for your tips!
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Super June 2021
Bird · on March 27, 2023 at 10:39 PM
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Maybe the officiant at your venue could say something like “you’ve already declared your commitment in front of God, and now it is time to declare in front of your beloved family and friends. Altho you are already married in the eyes of god, we will now do the symbolic exchanging of rings and vows. I now pronounce you for the first time in front of your family and friends, husband and wife!”

I think you could def make this work but it honestly sounds like too much trouble just to please your mom.

Maybe you could get married in the eyes of the church a week before and then get married at your venue legally through the court system by filing marriage paperwork after the ceremony? So you’re married but not 100%

Good luck with whatever u decide!
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Master October 2023
Cece · on March 27, 2023 at 10:55 PM
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Unfortunately the Catholic Church will not do symbolic ceremonies in the church-only legally binding ones. I love your suggestion on the wording for the second ceremony!
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on March 27, 2023 at 11:11 PM
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While I get you want to make your mom happy this is your wedding so I say do what you want rather than what your mom wants.
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Just Said Yes October 2021
Corrie · on March 27, 2023 at 11:30 PM
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I did the opposite in my first marriage - we were legally married in a courthouse and then had a Catholic Church ceremony a few months later. We considered the church ceremony our “real” wedding and that’s the date we celebrated as our anniversary. I know some people get caught up in the etiquette of inviting people to a wedding when you’re already legally married but many of our guests didn’t know and the ones who knew didn’t care because why would they? They’re seeing a ceremony and getting to attend a great reception. I wouldn’t care whether the vows I witness at a wedding were the legal ones or not. I’d care about supporting my loved ones and having fun.
Also be aware that the Catholic Church requires pre-Cana classes/sessions and this typically means you need to start preparation with the parish at least 6 months in advance.
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Lady · on March 28, 2023 at 2:46 PM
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Is your mom paying for all of this or something? I get wanting to please your parents, but honestly, if you and your FI are not active practicing Catholics, this is really just a sham religious ceremony anyway. I would think that would be even more offensive to your mom than a marriage outside the church? Leave you mom out of the decision and decide with your FI only about where you both feel is the best place for you as a couple to get married. Then just tell your mom. It will be uncomfy if it's not what you want, but if you're grown up enough to get married, i think you can handle have some not super fun but super important boundary setting conversations with your family.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on March 28, 2023 at 10:10 PM
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I don't think your Mom offered financial and emotional help to get a church wedding out of you, so you should let go of this feeling of obligation. However, if you do get married in the Catholic Church, you do have to make promises to them (and give 6+ months notice). One promise is to raise future children in the Church. If the faith is not important to you, this will show. They can deny you. I think you and your FS should reexamine how you want to commit to each other and how you want to stay true to the life you imagined together.
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