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Beginner April 2020

Mob/bridesman breakup

Lindsay, on December 2, 2019 at 2:08 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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So backstory, I have been friends with my “bridesman” for over 10 years, he’s my best friend and I always knew I wanted him to stand by me on my wedding. 6 years ago he started dating someone who I grew very close to. She became a bestfriend as well as the years passed. When I got engaged I asked both of them to be in my party, him as a bridesman and her as my maid of honor. Fast forward to about a month ago, they broke up. She has still been talking to me and nothing has changed for her... but he has just been mia. I’ve text him/stopped by to see how he is doing and I’ve gotten no response. It’s getting to the point where I am scared he doesn’t want to be in my wedding any longer. I’m trying to be sensitive to their breakup because I get it, breakups are hard, especially a 6 year relationship. But I also have to plan/purchase/make decisions for a wedding that’s 4 months away.. I don’t know how to bring it up to him. Just give him an out? Tell him I understand if he doesn’t want to be in the wedding, even though I really would like him to be? Just continue to wait for a response? It’s tough and I don’t want to come off as insensitive (even though I probably do) but it’s hard to know where he stands if he doesn’t even respond to a “how are you doing?” text. If you have advice on how to go about this I would appreciate it!

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Latest activity by Lindsay, on December 2, 2019 at 2:16 PM

Master August 2019
Rebecca · on December 2, 2019 at 3:12 AM
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Maybe a letter or a call? Or a super long text. Don't mention the wedding at all.
Just make it about the two of you and your friendship. Emphasize how much you miss him, and how much you care, and that you are worried about him, because he's gone off the map.
Unfortunately, we train men in our society to not talk about feelings, so he may not really know how to communicate right now. The only thing I can say is to keep reaching out, he may finally respond?
If it goes much longer, though, you can also say, "hey, I need my friend. I need my friend because I'm trying to do something, and I wanted him involved."
I'm sorry for both of your friends - that's really rough.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 2, 2019 at 8:07 AM
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I think ask him straight up. That is how men handle things. I would maybe text or call since showing up is not working either. Try call first and maybe to meet with him in person but if he is not responsive I would send a text being mindful how your words sounds. I would start by saying that you have not heard from him in awhile and that you want to make sure he is ok. Maybe play it off by saying I needed to know if you are able to do this or be here for this for the wedding. No response then after a few days ask him honestly does he still feel ok to be a part of it because you have not heard from him at all. Put it on him to make the decision.
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on December 2, 2019 at 9:52 AM
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I would be more worried about not hearing from my bestie for a month than my wedding. Is he avoiding you because you had something to do with the breakup? Does he think you chose sides? Is he alive and well? I totally understand that you need to plan your wedding, but maybe if you make it seem like you’re more concerned about his well being than your wedding he may respond. If you’ve been friends for such a long time, you should understand how he works. Think of a way to reach out to him that he’ll respond to. Don’t make it about needing a response for your wedding planning, make it completely about supporting your friend. It’s hard enough to go through a breakup without having someone else’s happy wedding planning shoved in your face. I’m sure that’s not how you mean it, but in the moment for him that may be what it feels like.
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Beginner April 2020
Lindsay · on December 2, 2019 at 2:10 PM
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Yeah, I moved a few hours away as well so it's harder to do what I would normally do in a situation like this. Im thinking of making a trip this weekend and see if he wants to go shooting or something, he usually never passes that up, and see if I get a response to that. But yeah, it is rough, breakup are never easy :/
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Beginner April 2020
Lindsay · on December 2, 2019 at 2:16 PM
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This is kind of along the lines of what my mom said. I know that he will not pick up a call if he isn't responding to a text, and that is why I stopped by when I was in town. But I will try again this weekend, ill drive there and invite him out, and hopefully get his roommate to help me out.
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