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Just Said Yes August 2022

mob wants 2 dresses afternoon ceremony, evening reception

Katie, on January 13, 2022 at 10:08 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Hello! I am having a 2pm catholic ceremony, indoors at a BEAUTIFUL church. Our reception is at an upscale hotel within walking distance from the church. Cocktail hour will begin at 5pm and from 3:30-5 we have a private room off the bar with light snacks and drinks available for guests.

The issue is that my mother thinks she needs 2 dresses for the day. We will be doing a first look before the ceremony and most family photos will take place before the ceremony with a few others occurring right after.
My mother is making the argument that she needs 2 dresses because she doesn’t want to walk around in august in a floor length dress but I know her and she will want to be in the fancy dress for all the photos. I don’t want to be waiting for her to change her dress, shoes, jewelry, etc throughout the day.
I know traditional etiquette says that daytime ceremonies are less formal, but when the church and reception venue are both grand, does my mom really have a leg to stand on with needing 2 dresses?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Sydney, on January 15, 2022 at 5:02 AM

Master October 2023
Cece · on January 13, 2022 at 10:17 AM
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Personally, I would let her have two dresses. One of my main goals is making sure my mother also feels comfortable and beautiful at my wedding, so if she thinks she will be uncomfortable in a certain dress all evening, I would be more than happy for her to have another dress on standby. I don’t see any negatives or drawbacks to your mom having two dresses. (But there is definitely a drawback if she only has one dress that she is uncomfortable in)
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Just Said Yes August 2022
Katie · on January 13, 2022 at 10:21 AM
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I’m all for her being comfortable. She claims the only formal dress she likes is the one she wore to my sisters wedding so she is wearing that dress in a different color (which may be why I’m getting annoyed by her wanting 2 dresses).

I am more concerned with the amount of time it’ll take for her to change and the logistics of needing a second set of shoes, jewelry, etc every time she changes. I think I’ll end up giving in, it just seems a little ridiculous to me. Thanks for your response!
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Super March 2022
Candace · on January 13, 2022 at 10:28 AM
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That's a really long day for everyone. If the issue is timing and when she's going to be needed for photos or the reception introduction, make a timeline and she can decide when to change. She may not want to change, as you're suggesting, but that would be her choice. I want my mom to be comfortable. If she needs 30 minutes to change, then I will carve out that time so she can change and get refreshed. I want her to be comfortable and last as long as possible at the reception, and also out of respect for my mother.
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Savvy September 2022
Gabby R · on January 13, 2022 at 10:31 AM
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Personally I think having two dresses in this case is totally appropriate. Maybe you can compromise with her and let her have two dresses but try and ask her to find shoes and accessories that work with both. Just explain that you want her to be happy and comfortable but that wedding timelines tend to be tight and changing everything would take too much time. It would also be hard to keep track of everything throughout the day and moving location to location. You can tell her that you wouldn't want her to lose jewelry or shoes and then be stuck wearing things that don't match!
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Master October 2023
Cece · on January 13, 2022 at 10:38 AM
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I would write out your timeline then, and schedule a specific time for her to change that is convenient for everyone and won’t disrupt the flow of events she is needed for. I’d ask her specifically what she wants to wear each dress for, then schedule around that. So if she wants to wear the fancy dress for the ceremony and formal photos after, but doesn’t want to wear it for the cocktail hour or reception, she could change during that gap. Or you could simply write out a timeline of events that she needs to be present for, then she can decide when to change around that.
TBH, I don’t think this would be a big issue, and isn’t something you should worry about. Wedding planning is stressful enough, don’t sweat the small stuff!
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on January 13, 2022 at 1:38 PM
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I think micromanaging your mom will only lead to needless stress for you and her. Allow her to dress herself appropriately for the time of day and event. She has been doing so much longer than you've been alive, after all. As long as everyone relevant to the ceremony and photos knows the schedule (aka where to be when), then it will be fine.
And for the record, I agree with your mom: "she doesn’t want to walk around in august in a floor length dress". I wouldn't want to do that either!
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Just Said Yes August 2022
Katie · on January 13, 2022 at 1:39 PM
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She wouldn’t actually be walking around beyond from the steps of the party bus to where she needs to stand for photos. I’m asking about etiquette rules these days for dressing for the formality of the location versus the time of day.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on January 13, 2022 at 1:56 PM
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OK. Sounds like you have made up your mind, but I still think you are only hurting yourself by worrying about what your mom wears. Give yourself the gift of NOT worrying about this and just let it go.
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Dedicated October 2021
Sydney · on January 15, 2022 at 5:02 AM
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I kinda think the mob should get to do what she wants. If she wants 2 dresses, let her have it. It’s her day too! I kept telling my mom she could glitz it up more but it’s not her style.
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