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Mandee
Devoted September 2020

mob Drama

Mandee, on March 6, 2020 at 11:51 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

So my mother is a huge narcissist and makes literally everything about her. That being said, at the beginning of the wedding planning I told her that while I appreciate her input, there were gonna be times when I would want to do things with my FH or my MOH alone and not with her. She didn't talk to me about the wedding for MONTHS after that. We had a huge blow up a few weeks ago because I wasn't "including her" in the planning except as an 'afterthought', which....yeah I have been leaving her out because she's stress inducing and hates ALL of my ideas!


Which leads me to now. I'm in the middle of a text "argument" over my favors. I wanted to do Peach and Cream Soda jelly belly jelly beans in a cute little glass container with a tag that says "Thanks for BEAN here!" and another option of a little bag of doggo treats that say, "We love our dogs as I'm sure you know, so take a goodie bag for yours to go!"


Well....she HATES it. Says nobody likes jelly beans and I need to do something other people will like. Then she starts spam texting me pictures of OTHER favor ideas that SHE likes better! I'm trying really hard to be polite and include her, but every-time I try she just tells me how my ideas are trash and I should do the thing she likes better!


What would you do?


tenor.gif



7 Comments

Latest activity by Rebecca, on March 8, 2020 at 4:47 AM
  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
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    Unless she’s paying for it, ignore it. Do what you want and in your budget. There will be people who don’t want them, but that’s true with any favor. Take it, don’t take it, but don’t spend lots either.

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I’d do exactly what you’re already doing, stop including her. When she knows details she’ll just ruin it for you so don’t tell her anything and tell her you want her to be surprised. I understand that there will be fallout either way, but at least this way she can’t ruin your plans.
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  • Mandee
    Devoted September 2020
    Mandee ·
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    I tried that path initially and then I was getting crap from my dad about how she's "so upset" I'm not including her! I invited her on a tour of the sister venue of ours (it's a two hour drive to our venue, and they're basically identical) and all she could talk about was how you could see this and that and how it's trashy to have such and such. My grandmother came too and she more than made up for my mother's negativity! I'm just so over the drama honestly!!


    Thank you!

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  • Mandee
    Devoted September 2020
    Mandee ·
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    The only thing she and my father are HELPING to pay for (as in, gave me a specific dollar amount to use and no more, irregardless of her demands to invite people I don't even like!) is the catering for the reception! I'm over that budget because I won't compromise on my guests and will just pay the difference in the budget. I'm literally paying for the entire wedding myself!

    tenor.gif


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  • Ashley
    Devoted June 2021
    Ashley ·
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    I just wanna say I personally LOVE your jelly bean idea!

    Good luck with your mom though, that kind of negativity is tough to deal with Smiley sad

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Be passive aggressive. Play the game. Just reply polo great ideas, thanks so much! Then say nothing again and at the wedding she can get mad when she sees you did what you want. You can listen to her suggestions but you don't have to follow them. You're going to buy the stuff so who cares. Let her voice opinions but limit what you tell her. Ultimately do what you want. I don't eat jelly beans on the regular but I will.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    My mother is also a narcissist, so I empathize.

    The answer is to not tell her anything. You know exactly how she's going to respond, and it's stressing you out. So. Stop telling her things. If she complains, find the one thing you absolutely do not care about, and tell her about that. Let her think she's "helping". And, then... ignore her.

    In the end, my mother elected not to come to our wedding, because she didn't like how we did things (in particular, the invitations, which did not include her name). Honestly? ...It was so much better without her there. (Her narcissism has always been emotionally abusive.)


    *hugs* I'm sorry. Narcissistic parents are a special kind of awful.

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