K
Just Said Yes November 2019

Mob boyfriend at wedding etiquette??

kt1358, on October 15, 2019 at 12:10 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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Hi, I am conflicted on a couple issues. A) my father has not been very involved for the last 10 years. He barely even knows my fiance. B) my mom has a newish boyfriend (like 1 year, he is a widower, their relationship has a lot of issues and I am not very on board). The plan since becoming engaged and planning the wedding has been to have my mom walk me down the aisle, my grandfather to dance with me, and my father to be invited, but just as a guest. Recently, my mom has voiced her opinion that my father needs to feel special too and that he should be seated in the row behind my mom so that when the priest asked who gives me away he and my mom can stand together and say "we do" (he will most definitely not be in the processional). So, my plan is to seat him in the 2nd row with his wife, his brother and my cousins. Fair?


Second, my mom has casually mentioned in conversations that she and her boyfriend will be in the front row (behind bridesmaids). I haven't thought a lot about it, but I just assumed that he would not be in the front row since he is not in the processional and since my mom is walking me down the aisle, she would sit on the end of the 1st row with my grandparents, who are very close to me and are in the processional. They are not engaged (nor close to being engaged either), they don't even live together. Sometimes I don't even see him when I make the flight home for a week or so. Also, back to my intro, I am not very supportive of the relationship. He is a widower, dating too soon in my opinion and brings his late wife way too much...to the point where I feel really bad for my mom. Honestly, I know more about the late wife than I do him. I try to be sensitive to his situation and I feel the pain for him and what he has gone through, but he is in a new relationship and should honor that.


Anyway, my wedding is quickly approaching (few weeks away) and the last thing i needed to think about right now is the arrangement with my father, and now I feel stressed about the seating of my mom's BF. It is my feeling that I would like to look into the front row and see my immediate family, the people that have helped me grow, raise me and loved me my whole life. So I would like to seat my mom and grandparents in the 1st row, mom's sister, other family on mom's side and mom's BF in the 2nd row, and then my father/uncle/cousins in the 3rd row withe open seating following in the 4th row and back. Am I wrong? Need advice ASAP! Thank you!

10 Comments

  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I think this is a slippery slope. First, about a year isn’t a newish relationship. That’s actually a significant amount of time. Second, you’re taking your feelings of what you find acceptable (widower dating too soon, bringing up his late wife, etc) and placing them on someone else’s relationship. It isn’t up to you to determine if those things are ok because his relationship is with your mother and not you. If you don’t allow him to sit with your mother, but you allow your father to sit with his wife, how will that make your mom feel? Will she be ok with that? Personally I think it’s disrespectful to their relationship to purposely seat them apart when you aren’t doing that for anyone else.
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  • K
    Just Said Yes November 2019
    kt1358 ·
    • Flag

    Let me also add that I would rather have my dad at the very back of the Church out of sight, but she is strongly recommending, aka basically making me do this. In fact, she took it upon herself to reach out to his wife and "see how he was doing with all of this". As if she doesn't know what he has put me through to get to 10 years w/ no relationship. I am livid, but not the point. I am giving her this one thing and seating him *near* the front.


    Regarding her relationship, part of the reason I am not on board if because she is not on board. She is always making comments similar to mine, that she knows more about his late wife than him (she literally said that to me), that she doesn't think she's going to move in any time soon, that she feels insecure, etc. My response is always "then why are you with him?" to which has gone unanswered every time. I love my mom and I would absolutely honor her relationship if I knew this was the one or even maybe the one, but that just is not the case.

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  • Katie
    Devoted August 2019
    Katie ·
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    If you're honoring your mother's relationship, then ask her where she thinks her boyfriend should sit. If she's bringing him as her date then it would be rude to split them up.

    Honestly, don't spend too much time on this. It's not worth your time and energy worrying about where people will sit. When the day comes, you probably won't even notice.
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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think your mom can force you to sit your dad in a certain area. I was in a wedding a few years ago where the bride had a strained relationship and her dad sat in the open seating area with the rest of the guests. But I agree with others that you shouldn’t split up a couple and make them sit in different rows.
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  • Alyssa
    Expert June 2020
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    By no means does your mom's BF get special treatment as "one of the parents" (i.e. MOB/FOB) but he does get treated as part of the couple that is him and your mom. In social circles, the couple gets seated together/invited together. To invite one person to an event and not the other or to seat them separately is considered rude.

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  • K
    Just Said Yes November 2019
    kt1358 ·
    • Flag

    Is it weird to have the front rows reserved for the procession and then have 1 person sitting there? I haven't been to many weddings so Idk, I just thought it would be.

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  • Nicole
    Super September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    I would let him sit with your mom. I don't think it's worth the fight or worth your mom's hurt feelings.

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  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    BF should sit with mom regardless of your feelings on the relationship. You can seat your dad wherever you want.

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    I agree with this. Plus, OP, it is very rare the priest/pastor/officiant even asks the question "Who gives this woman away" anymore. Not only has the church on a whole removed it from the script, but most brides choose to have it removed if it is still in there.


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  • Brandi
    Devoted November 2020
    Brandi ·
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    Unfortunately, despite your feelings towards your mother’s SO, that’s her SO and therefore, no couple wants to sit separate from their SO. That’s her date. He doesn’t get a special honor or recognition. He’s her date and therefore, should be sitting next to her. Also, it is your wedding and you can do as you see fit. However, your mom’s suggestion about your father is actually a good one and therefore, I also agree. Again, you can do exactly as you want. However, just imagine you sitting without your fiancé at someone else’s wedding. That’s unfair. Also imagine you sitting at your future child’s wedding in the back and not being able to participate. That’s also hurtful unless there’s a legitimate reason such as an absence, abuse etc. hope it all works out.
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