MOB asking for Money

I would tell her no.

It wasn't discussed with you ahead of time and you had no say in the location of the event or any decisions? No.

I'm not positive, but I always thought the host of any event was responsible for paying.

It's kind of ridiculous for her to just ask for money out of the blue that was not agreed upon. I would feel bad about it too but if you can't afford it then you can't afford it. She should have asked beforehand if she needed help.

Good morning. OK this is my take on this subject. I cant stand last minute things. I don't believe that you should have been informed on such short notice. I have been in 4 weddings since january. We as the bridesmaids were responsible for paying for the shower but we had at least 6 to 8 months to prepare. We even set up a bank account for the bridesmaids to deposit the money in. I do believe bridesmaids should help with the shower, but on your term its such short notice. So just sit and speak and explain you were expecting to help. Maybe offer half of what she is asking since you can not put in the whole amount. Anything will help and if she turns the money away that's on her! Pray all things work out! I hope I helped in some way!

Are you upset that you aren't the MOH? Just curious based on the "lowly bridesmaid" comment.

I would say that if she wanted the BM's to contribute she should have asked a lot further in advance, dropping this on you with two weeks notice doesn't seem fair. In my circle it is the norm for the BM's to throw the shower and bachelorette party and all go in together on it but it is not expected and shouldn't be treated like it is. I would just be very honest with her and tell her you do not have the money and had she asked you in advance you would have explained this to her. It's awkward but it is what it is. Good luck!

Answer:

Dear MOB:

Oh, no! I had no idea that you were hosting a shower for xxxx and that you expected me to help pay for it. Unfortunately, becuase you neglected to tell me earlier, I do not have the funds for it. I'm already paying for her bachelorette party and other expenses that I knew about. I'm on a tight budget and can't afford anything else at the moment. I feel bad, but you didn't tell me in enough time for me to set money aside nor to help plan it.

Dear MOB,

While I definitely want to be supportive of Bride's pre-wedding events, I have already invested a lot of money into the bachelorette party, and I was not made aware until now that you expected financial contributions for the shower. Unfortunately, as monetary contributions were not discussed before shower plans were made, I will be unable to put any money towards the wedding shower. I am happy to continue assisting with the planning of the shower.

Sincerely,

***************

That's what I would send. That's ridiculous that she didn't discuss this prior to making plans. The boat for financial contributions sailed the moment she began to make definite plans without seeing if anyone would contribute. AND the MOB really shouldn't be the one to host the shower.

Or reword since I guess you did know about it. Maybe say something like "Since my name was not listed as one of the ones hosting and since I had no part in planning it, I had no idea I was expected to pay for part of it.

What happened to a low key gathering at someone's house with some sandwiches , salads and cake? I would not give her any money. And I will kick do my bridesmaids butts if they try to do anything beyond what I mentioned for my shower like lol. And the bachelorette.

Oy. People!

You don't owe anyone a long, drawn out explanation like those above. A "So sorry, I'm unable to contribute!" is perfectly acceptable. If the MOB is a bitch about it, then you could toss in your reasons, but no IS a complete sentence.

YES! the MOB really shouldn't be hosting the shower. The invitation says hosted by her bridesmaids.... HOWEVER, nothing was mentioned to me about monetary contributions.

I have helped plan the shower in so much that I volunteered to get the party games together. (Gotta make sure they aren't lame). MOH-A (sister) and MOB planned where and when this would be held without input by me. Maybe MOH-B (BFF) had more input. I don't know. The other 2 BMs are under 18.

MOH-A put the planning of the bachelorette party onto me and the MOH-B. So I have planned and paid for that.

Well I would say it can go either way. Personally, around here/any experience I've ever had it is expected for all the BMs to co-host and help pay for the shower and bachelorette (often with one person spearheading it and the others helping out). But it is also expected that they would then plan it together or at least all agree on what they are willing to put in ahead of time, be it a lot or a very little. I think a great shower can be thrown on an extremely tiny budget! (Heck, if each BM brought a dish and you held it at one persons home you wouldn't need much else.) I have seen it happen where one BM or another family member hosts the whole thing that's just less common around here/in my experience and personally I just prefer when all the BMs/close friends of the bride work together to make it a special day for the bride. I think there's something special about that. However here since you clearly weren't consulted about the budget (and I'm guessing much else either) ahead of time the MOB/whoever else is involved can hardly expect you to suddenly come up with money for this thing. This should have been worked out long ago. If they wanted this to be a group effort then you all should have either gotten together or emailed or something to discuss who would do what or how much money each person would pitch in, etc. I find it kind of crazy that she just assumed she could throw an amount at you and that would be fine.

In your position here I would just email her back and say that you hadn't been made aware that you were expected to contribute to the shower and had already allocated all of your budget to the bachelorette party expenses. Perhaps say sorry and that you wish someone had let you know sooner but that at this point you just can't afford it or it isn't in your budget to spend more money.

Thanks everyone!! I am telling her no.

I agree with you all. My own shower was very low key and my MOH and God Mother put it on. I know that the bridesmaids were not expected to pay for it. And I know my MOH made that clear from the get go.

heck, had I known it would have cost me this I would have offered to host it at my own apartment.

This happened to a friend of mines and she just told them that she wouldn't be able to contribute. You don't owe her an explanation as to why you can't.

The very first time I was a BM, the MOB contacted all of the BMs and told us that the shower would be hosted by us, then proceeded to ask for money and assigned jobs. I was out of town and not going to make it to the shower, so I wasn't given a job in addition to sending a check. At the time, I felt like I was getting taken advantage of, but I also didn't know that it wasn't normal.

I agree with your decision to say no. It sounds like the responsibilities were divided so that MOH-A and MOB were handling the shower and MOH-B and yourself were given the responsibility of the bachelorette party. Let her know it was your understanding that was the division of the financial responsibilities and that you budgeted for paying for the bachelorette party and do not have money to also put towards the shower.

LOL, if she got too snarky about it you could always ask her if she planned to pay for the stripper/penis cake. Whether you are having those things or not it might be funny to suggest it and just see how she felt about contributing to your event since she seems to think you should contribute to hers!