Mixed culture wedding headache

Tell your family that you cannot afford two weddings, and that if they want a second one, they have to pay?

Seriously, if you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to decide for yourself. And if you are paying for it without their help, they do not get a say.

Many of my cross culture couples have incorporated Chinese rituals into their wedding day without going totally traditional. The last couple did their tea ceremony before the ceremony, (she wore a gorgeous red dress), and after their western ceremony (with yours truly), they served a dim sum buffet along with hors d'oeuvres and a wide variety of different food. (They also had the "Lion Dance" at the cocktail hour, which was incredibly cool.

I think a frank discussion with your parents is really the only way to deal with it, stressing that you really can't afford to throw two parties. What if the rehearsal dinner was a Chinese buffet? (And I'll tell you, having done numerous weddings with Chinese brides and/or grooms, I've never seen a pig head or tail on the buffet, lol...)

Weddings, like it or not, include compromise on everyone's parts; yours, his, and both of your families. While it's always a challenge to fulfill everyone's dreams, it can be done. Your plans sound great!

I vote that you do as you want. Maybe later when you have more money you can do the chinese deal and have it be like a 5 year anniversary type thing.

I am with Celia - maybe you can bring some Chinese traditions or rituals into the ceremony and not have to include it in the reception.

Talk to your parents and see if they are willing to pay for the Chinese portion of the wedding. Be honest with them about the costs and what you have planned so far. Explain to them that you are on a very limited budget and what you have planned so far is all you can afford. If they are not able to pay, do what makes you happy. In reality it is about the marriage you two will have and not the wedding.

Well, I'm all for incorporating both cultures, but I'm thinking the country club will not allow outside food to be brought in (its a liability thing,) so I think that takes care of the pig (as an aside, I had a grandma show up at the reception site I was setting up with the caterer with an entire pig - eyes and all. The poor catering assistant was shocked to tears, poor thing - but the pig tasted great!)

If the club allows it, I think you should allow your family to do this if they are offering to pay for the extra expense. His parents don't have to partake if it is not their cup of tea. THey probably have some ideas that are not part of your tradition, too. Two cultures are marrying and both should be honored, IMO. You are who you are because of your families.

Your groom coming to your parents on the am of the wedding with gifts, wearing a red dress, tea ceremonies, dim sum, lion dances... go for it!

PS - if you haven't seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" please do so, you'll appreciate it so much more now!

(Toula: "he's a vegetarian"

Aunt Voula: What do you mean he don't eat no meat?

[the entire room stops, in shock]

Aunt Voula: Oh, that's okay. I make lamb. )

Well if it helps: my fh is Caucasian I'm mexican so trying to combine both cultures has been a bit difficult. However, we found a way to do it ; during the ceremony the minister is willing to add a catholic tradition. And for dinner he chose new York steak and I chose chicken fajitas I'm very proud of my heritage so I found a way to compromise ( he is very traditional) so far it seems to work. Ohh and did I forget to mention in the Mexican culture the wedding last 3 days!!! my parents are hosting the rest of the days

Lots of good suggestions. This is probably not a good one, but...Americans do get into pig roasts....but that doesn't seem to fit the country club setting...or would they do it? Just a stretch!

Sorry---when I said Americans...I was thinking in terms of born here and not race or ethnicity.

Cecelia,

Talk to your FH about what you are both willing to do. My husband is Indonesian, so we added a lot of cultural and traditional elements to our wedding not only to appease his family, but to acknowledge his heritage as well. Consider incorporating some of your traditional elements into a rehearsal dinner if you can't fit everything in to the reception. Perhaps your family would be willing to host the rehearsal dinner and provide the traditional foods that they are asking you to incorporate. Have your FH talk to his family about being open to experiencing some of your culture and tradition, and ask your parents to have some more Americanized options available as well.

Most of all, don't let the stress get to you! Enjoy your day!

Krista

Mix a little bit of everything, so that both parties can be content.