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Devoted October 2019

Misunderstood Wedding

Mariana, on June 30, 2019 at 9:55 AM Posted in Planning 0 9

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Hi beautiful brides and grooms! Update on my wedding planning: I am officially becoming a bridezilla and there's still 3 months and a half of time before the wedding. I constantly have anxiety disorder and think way ahead of things, so maybe I just need to take a breath for a moment. I feel stressed, sad, anxious and bumed since my mom, aunt and future husband's sisters aren't actually "helping" with kind words or enthusiasm... They're actually bringing me down more than helping...and I'm in an anxiety level where I just want to cancel everything and get married in secret. So long story short, my future sisters in law are comparing my choosings or options with their own weddings and it's starting to feel uncomfortable since it seems like they just want it to be just like theirs or over the top (we're not the over the top kinds of people, we like simple stuff). I get that everyone has their own opinions, but can opinions sound "mandatory"? Because that's how I'm feeling it... In my aunt's part, I'm my dad's family's only female so my aunt is in this "my only niece is getting married omg everything needs to be perfect *crying*" kind of phase. Every day she wants to be more involved in the wedding planning and she has even bought a LOT of stuff I didn't even ask for because she likes it. Am I being too mean by saying it's my wedding and to take it easy with buying unnecessary or unwanted stuff? Aaaaaaand on my mom's side, she misunderstood the wedding theme completely and kind of used the incorrect terms. All this time, she's thought the wedding would be a 20 minute service and just partying and drinking. We know we said it was going to be simple, but it's still a wedding with all it's parts (father/daughter dance, mother/son dance, speaches, etc.) and apparently she didn't get the message so I had to get an emergency help from ANOTHER aunt who plans weddings and lives 2 hours away 😪 I need some encouraging words to go on and to feel not crazy

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Pirate & 60s Bride, on June 30, 2019 at 5:42 PM

Expert June 2019
MrsJohansson · on June 30, 2019 at 10:10 AM
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My head is spinning. You mentioned having anxiety, I struggle with that too. Have you been seeing a therapist during this time? I find talking with them really helps me get things in perspective and release some of the anxiety. I think most of what you are feeling is normal and that doesn't make you a bridezilla. Being an entitled, miserable bride to be is.. which it just sounds like you want to assert your voice and that is in your right to do! How is your partner feeling? Lean on him! And surround yourself with people who do encourage you.. don't be afraid to communicate to other people when their words are not helpful. Some people are naturally controlling, others don't realize it's not their day. About family members that wanna take over things or overspend... be firm starting now. The more you roll over, the more your wishes will be ignored.
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Devoted October 2019
Mariana · on June 30, 2019 at 10:19 AM
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Yes, I have been talking with a therapist and journaling too, it does help in so many ways!! Thank you for the words and correcting me on "bridezilla", I thought I was being too horrible for feeling or thinking all these things. I've talked to him and he too sometimes feels the same way, but he apologized for thinking I got everything under control and says he can try to calm his sisters in a nice way so he's helping me out. Leaning on him and venting on him everything is a huge help, he always makes me come back to earth and reminds me to breathe for a moment. Thank you so so much!! At first I thought I was going to be the bad guy for being firm and making my voice be heard, but thank you for making me realize I have the right to do so.
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Super September 2021
Sharon · on June 30, 2019 at 10:36 AM
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You aren't crazy! People just drive us crazy! Lol.

It's great that your aunt is so excited for you and wants to be included in the planning but things can get out of hand very quickly if she keeps buying things you don't want. Maybe you can give her one thing to take charge of, maybe the favors or something. You have to tell her that while you appreciate everything she's doing the things she's buying just don't fit with your vision. As far as your sister in law, people are always going to compare and think their wedding was better. That's ok and its ok to say to them that its just not your style or taste. Good luck, it'll all be worth it in the end.
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Super September 2019
Denise · on June 30, 2019 at 10:39 AM
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I felt this way a while back, it seemed like nobody cared as much as I do. Not even FH. I was pretty livid. My dad decided that he doesn't want to wear a tux. How'd I get him to wear it? I told him "Fine. I don't want this thing anyway. We'll go elope. None of you jerks are invited. We'll have one of our friends be our witness"... needless to say, he's going to get measured for a tux in August.
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Devoted October 2019
Mariana · on June 30, 2019 at 10:41 AM
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My aunt knows how much I've appreciated her help so far and her support. I'm thinking about the compromise and let her take charge of one specific thing but will try to encourage her to hear my voice out too. Thank you so much for the kind words!!
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Devoted October 2019
Mariana · on June 30, 2019 at 10:44 AM
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Lol it's so frustrating that sometimes you have to get to this point to exactly, EXPLAIN YOUR POINT. At least it worked!! Glad to know your dad changed his mind, best wishes ❣
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on June 30, 2019 at 11:27 AM
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My, you have VERY involved friends & family. It would probably be very helpful for you to set boundaries and then stop sharing details with everyone. Tell your SILs to stop comparing weddings because it’s stressing you out/making you feel bad (however you feel). Maybe figure out what your aunt can be involved with then tell her those things with a “I love you for caring but so much involvement is stressing me out. I need to handle ABC on my own.”
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Devoted October 2019
Mariana · on June 30, 2019 at 11:33 AM
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I know!! I think setting the boundaries and holding up some details for ourselves might do the trick after all. Thank you so much!!!
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on June 30, 2019 at 5:42 PM
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You're welcome. Just realize most people are probably not being annoying on purpose but because they are trying to help and are so excited for you! Thank them and ask them to tone it down a bit or use whatever light language will let them know that. And to some things (especially points of contention) you can simply say, "Oh that's top secret. You'll have to wait and be surprised."
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