Missing Gift

I'm kind of in the same boat. A coworker gave us a card that stated our gift was in the mail but we never received anything. Do I say something? It's such an awkward situation.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

If it is lost what is to be done about it now? Maybe you could talk to the venue about possible theft? But other than that I'm not sure what telling her would do? I'm just not sure what you are hoping will happen if you tell her that it is missing. I would just thank them for the gift and their participation in your celebration in the thank you note and let it go.

No. Don't say anything. She just probably said that so you wouldn't get upset with her for not getting anything. She didn't want to make the situation awkward.

@MizzzCara, I think what I stated applies to you as well.

With that being said, if you sent a thank you note saying thank you for coming and she asked if you liked the gift THEN say something.

Yeah, but if it's a check they will see they didn't cash it so if she just thanks them for the gift they will be like wait, what ?? Then that will start a whole other convo and then they will know they lied about receiving it. Awkward again. Ha

ETA that was in response to Ruth

Ok, I think we will just send a note genuinely thanking them for coming etc with no mention of a gift specifically. If they ask we will say something. I was just worried if it was a check they could cancel it if it's lost.

That makes sense that they may notice a check wasn't cashed @MizzzCara. But they aren't lying in being thankful for a gift that the people gave them, if you thank someone for their generosity that's truthful. If they did ask about cashing the check, then you could let them know. But while she is overdue I think it's something that can definitely wait. Then I guess if OPs hope is that she can let them know to cancel a potential check, that makes sense. I just didn't see any reason to bring it up. That's the reason I asked as I did, I didn't understand what her goals were in alerting the gifter to the situation.

I am in the same boat - kindof - with my brother. I was surprised that he didn't give us anything. I don't want to mention it to him in case he really didn't get me anything, and I don't want to embarrass him. He won't notice that I didn't send him a thank-you card.

I would talk to her about it. She said they put a card in the box. You said three did not give gifts. Maybe they did. Also, if it was a check and was cashed it could give a clue as to the thief. Also the venue should be told they have a stealing problem.

Following.. We just read our cards yesterday and are missing from a few people who we really don't think we should be! Not to sure how to go about it, just hope we didn't lose anything, I'd feel horrible.

If they hadn't said that about putting the first card in the box, I'd just let it go.

Since they did, I'd let her know so they can stop the check if necessary.

As a guest, I'd want to know for that reason -- also so I could possibly follow up with my insurance company to see if it would be covered.

(In this case, maybe the venue's insurance might cover the loss...who knows?!)

Such a tough spot to be in. If it were me I might say something to my brother and let him handle it on the home front (only because she made that statement).

Or I may also just thank them for coming, hope they gave a check, and maybe they will say something when it isn't cashed.

However, if I gave a couple cash, and they followed up with thanks for coming, I wouldn't confront them d/t the fear of looking rude myself. "Hey I see you didn't thank me for the money I gifted to you..." could come accross a little weird. Hope that makes sense. Good luck!

I would say that you didn't get the card since you said she mentioned specifically that they put a card in the box. I wouldn't mention a gift. If there was a check in the card, they might notice it wasn't cashed.

Don't send a thank you card to those that didn't bring gifts. The reception is the thank you for coming to your ceremony, so essentially you are thanking someone 2x.

Also some people might interpret the card as passive aggressively fishing for a gift after the fact.

For your original question, I might wait a few weeks and have your husband talk to his brother about it.

@MizzzCara I think you're situations a little different since it sounds like it was supposed to be a physical gift. Have you checked your registry to see if anything has been bought that you haven't received? If so, then call that company/store and they can probably find a tracking number or resend it without having to involve the co-worker.

I wouldn't bring it up, but if the co-worker asks I'd be honest. I once almost had a horrible fight with a friend whom I had sent a wedding gift in the mail to and never gotten a thank you note. Turns out the gift didn't make it to her for several weeks past when it was supposed to, so it wasn't on either of us. I felt terrible it took so long. She felt terrible about me not getting a thank you. So it really may be worth checking on it.

OP with the sister if it was a check she will probably bring it up at some point if it's not cashed and you can explain then.

Powers - you do still send a card thanking them for coming, whether they brought a gift or not. If they did bring a gift, you thank them for that in the same card

@Chip, sending a card to thank you card to someone who just attended is optional according to most things I've read. In general, the reception and favors are regarded as the "thank you". That being said if you knew someone couldn't afford a gift or went to some hardship to attend it's certainly worth a thank you. But as discussed on other threads, it really depends on the size, type, and relationship whether thanks to coming to our celebration type notes are necessary.

I get a bit offended if I give a gift and don't get a thank you (especially if I can't attend) because I take it as notice the couple actually got the gift. I'd never expect a bride to right thank you notes to the 100-200+ attendees (at some of the weddings) just for showing up.