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Keah
Savvy October 2022

Millions of questions and scattered brained

Keah, on July 15, 2021 at 1:37 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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Okay, I have millions of questions and in slightly scattered brained in my train of thoughts (thanks to loads of concusions). Anywaaayyy...
BACKGROUND: we have been together for 9 years, lived together for 6 or 7 years maybe? Got engaged in April of 2020, COVID prevented a 2021 wedding, bought a house in July of 2020, and eloped just the two of us and a justice of the peace to have a sunset beach elopement in March of 2021 (on our dating anniversary). Nothing was planned, nothing was rented, I got a white dress from Macy's haha. Having a wedding was non-negotiable, and while engaged we planned it until covid made it impossible so we eloped, but the wedding is still happening on 10/01/2022 (I have the venue and my dress).

Questions: 1. I wasn't able to have an engagement party to celebrate which made me really sad, still am to this day because of covid, and waiting a year to have the party seemed weird. But I still want to have the pre-wedding shannanagins, i.e. bridal shower, bachelorette/bachelor party, etc. Is it weird to do all of that even though we're legally married from our elopement?
2. Because we've been together so long, I don't think we really need "gifts" but a bridal shower would still be fun with different gifts. Any advice or thoughts?
2/3. We are paying for the wedding ourselves, got a venue for an entire weekend that has houses/cabins we have already rented, so no one has to pay for sleeping accommodations for the weekend unless they want to stay somewhere else. Regarding gifts: as I mentioned we've been together for a long time, lived with each other, I feel we have everything we need (maybe sheets or towels would be nice, but irdk?). I'd rather have a honeymoon fund. Is that weird?
This all just feels weird and I never imagined planning out my wedding like this, under all of these weird circumstances. Any advice is appreciated and kudos to those of you who made it through this looonnngggg winded post. LOL 💕😘

9 Comments

Latest activity by Keah, on July 29, 2021 at 2:40 AM
  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I don't think it would be weird to have those things, but usually a shower where you ask for gifts of any kind is hosted by someone who isn't the bride or groom. If you don't want gifts, or if no one wants to host a shower, you can always just have a get together with brunch or lunch and just have like "Bridal Luncheon" instead of a shower where you're "showered" with gifts.

    If you don't want actual gifts and would prefer money then I just wouldn't make a registry and wouldn't have a shower. people will give money if you don't have a registry.

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    1.) you can still have any events you want - as long as someone offers to host. Especially for the shower, you don’t want to throw it yourself but if your mom or someone wants to do it, go for it! I think a Bach party/fun night out is something you can ask your friends to participate in.


    2/3.) honeymoon funds seem to be a know-your -crowd thing. My crowd doesn’t do them. I think nice towels and sheets are perfect registry items.
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  • Ashlee
    Super September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    If you want an actual shower, you need to have an actual registry for gifts. Since you've been living together for awhile these can be upgrades to existing items, like a new coffee maker or new sheets and towels like you mentioned. I found when starting our registry there was a lot more I wanted to upgrade/replace then I had realized and it was easy to come up with items for all price points.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    1. Yes many people will not take kindly to a shower and other pre-wedding parties that you forfeit when you elope.


    2. If you disregard #1, register for fun stuff you want that you wouldn’t spend your own money on. If you are already legally married, be honest with your guests that this is not a wedding (which occurred when you eloped) and you are having a celebration party.

    In many circles, asking for guests to fund your honeymoon or any cash contribution is taboo, and is considered bad form in general even if people don’t see issues with it.

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  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
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    I feel like you should always make a registry even if it is a few items to upgrade what you already have and it’s definitely normal to have a honeymoon fund! I have a full registry and honeymoon fund! My FH’s cousin didn’t make a registry and I was so confused and stressed because I want to give a gift but don’t want to give something they might not want so giving people some direction on what you want is a good way to go!
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  • S
    Dedicated September 2021
    Sarah ·
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    You're allowed to want the pre-wedding todos. My husband and I got legally married in December, but I'm still having a bridal shower and he's having a bachelor party. COVID has thrown out a lot of the "rules." As long as you're honest with everyone about things, then I don't see the issue.

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  • Keah
    Savvy October 2022
    Keah ·
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    That's a good idea to ask for upgraded or replacement items. I try so hard to not buy or replace something that isn't broken, but donating items and upgrading to something different is a good idea. Thank you!
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  • Keah
    Savvy October 2022
    Keah ·
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    That's also a good idea. I feel greedy asking for money or "donations" to a honeymoon fund, but both of us more about experiences and memories rather than items.
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  • Keah
    Savvy October 2022
    Keah ·
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    Thank you everyone for answering my questions. This while process has been very strange and not how I had always planned to plan my wedding (if that made sense?). I bought my dress, asked my bridesmaids, and then all venues were booked or still closed. The elopement was very "spur of the moment" and completed the legal documents and what have you on our dating anniversary. But none of the wedding shinnanigans I wanted to forefit, and when I discussed my elopement plans, a lot of my family was on board. The wedding is going to be small, max of 60 people and all family. I'll be the youngest one there really haha. I feel like if people judge me or my husband on our wedding day, they should have been invited, so I'm not too worried about certain unacceptable or taboo occurrences. Everyone invited knows who and how we are, so it shouldn't be too shocking haha


    Thank you all for the ideas about a registry, and for the comfort in knowing I can still be a bride and not just someone who eloped and that's it. I live in Florida and his and my family live in NY and PA (where the wedding will be) so even an elopement was really emotionally difficult to not have my family there, but I am also so happy it was just him and I and a justice of the peace, it was very intimate. It's just made the destination wedding planning more difficult, especially when we were trying for this year, but still worth it! My grandfather, who my husband and I have looked up to for so long (they've been married over 60 years), will be "officiating the wedding and we couldn't be happier about that. Smiley smile
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