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Kinley
Just Said Yes May 2021

Military Wedding second ceremony

Kinley, on June 14, 2020 at 11:14 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8
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Hey guys, I really want your opinion on what I should do here! My fiancé and I have been talking lately and are wondering if we should get married at the courthouse in the next month with only our parents there but still have a ceremony and reception that we had planned for in May 2021. Our reason for wanting to get married earlier so that there’s less of a chance of him getting stationed overseas as we have already been on opposite sides of the country for three years. We would be able to be saving money and he would be able to go ahead and rent a house and get me on his orders. I know if your spouse or you are in the military that you would understand this and that it is a hard decision to make.
Would it still be weird to do a ceremony with all our friends and family there because we want to share that day with them? Obviously the wording would be different on invitations and in the ceremony. Should I still have my bridesmaids that I’ve already asked participate in the wedding as well as his groomsmen?
I want your honest opinions but please don’t be rude as I want to go about doing this the right way.

8 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on June 20, 2020 at 8:57 AM
  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I'm a military spouse and think it's worth the wait. But everyone's situation is different and you have to do what's best for you. I think if you do have two ceremonies ask your wedding party if they are comfortable and able to do both as it is a big commitment.

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  • Renee
    Super June 2020
    Renee ·
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    Your question is valid. We are redoing our ceremony and having our reception in September. We just got married a week ago. Look, you have to do what you need to do for your family and whatever is best for the two of you. We had bridesmaids purchasedresses and groomsmen get tuxedos. We want our family there in person instresd of on zoom. Good luck!
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    This seems very common in military couples, and even more broadly so in the midst of the pandemic. I think it's perfectly fine as long as the couple is being honest with their friends and family about having a private wedding followed later by a bigger celebration. To me, it gets dicey when the couple is determined to "marry secretly" (sometimes even from parents, etc.) and "pretend" the later celebration is when they actually got married. Personally, I think lying to family and friends about something so important is wrong, and it almost never remains a secret, which then turns into a big deal and potentially lots of hurt when people find out they were lied to. I've never been able to figure out why someone would think that's a good approach.

    If this is the right choice for you and FH, I say go for it, proudly and openly! Good luck to you and thank you for your fiance's service! Smiley heart

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  • Kinley
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Kinley ·
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    Thank you so much! And we have already decided if we do this that we would be completely honest and open about it to everyone!
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  • Kinley
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Kinley ·
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    I would not have them at the courthouse because we want it to be small and still treat May 23,2021 as our wedding day that family and friends are there for. So they would only be in the May ceremony.
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  • S
    Just Said Yes November 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    Hey hey!!


    I am a military spouse. I would 100% recommend getting married legally first. I got legally married in May 2019 and planned for a 2020 wedding (which has been postponed until November so now I’m even more thankful we are legally married. Have something small with maybe just your parents. And don’t be afraid to let the world know you are legally married and want to separate with your closest friends and family at a later date! A lot of people I know won’t “post” anything about their courthouse wedding because they are scared it will affect their celebration date. Guess what? It doesn’t! Especially with the pandemic this is more common now with couples who aren’t even military.
    Military life NEVER ever goes as planned. That’s the biggest piece of advice I can give you. At least get married now so you don’t have to worry about anything 🥰♥️
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I think it makes a lot more sense both financially, and it eliminates the risk of him going overseas. Unfortunately in the times of Covid, this is starting to be the new norm. People are getting married at the courthouse and then plan to celebrate their big wedding the next year. You’ll probably even benefit more financially next year as far as taxes go too! Once you do your tax returns you’ll be eligible for more money back that could be extra money you can put towards your big wedding celebration.
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  • Michelle
    Devoted November 2022
    Michelle ·
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    This is essentially what we are doing. We decided it was better for us to get married now, though it will just be the two of us, and then have the big wedding with all the bells and whistles next year. While thankfully, my FH isn't close to getting new orders, it would allow him to move out of the barracks so that it would be easier for me to visit since we live in different states. It is very common in military families and I went to a wedding several years ago where they had done something similar. Plus this way you will get your military ID card sooner Smiley winking

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