Military Elopement

Any advice would be very much appreciated!

Chelsea, I officiate many elopements or small destination weddings for military couples who then have a larger celebration at a later date with their relatives & friends.

I have also 'officiated' the larger celebrations after the elopements or courthouse weddings.

I do think you'll need to skip the shower (or at least limit it to close family who would want to gift the two of you no matter the circumstances). Definitely, skip the bachelor/bachelorette parties between the 2 weddings, because you'll already be married.

Thanks Nancy! I am a pretty private person anyway, so I imagine if my best friend did decide to throw me a shower it would just be close family and maybe two friends, very low key. And I agree that having a bachelorette/bachelor party would not be appropriate. I feel like maybe before the celebration, if we feel like going out with friends, we can do this informally and as a group. No need to make it a "last night out" type of thing considering we would already be married! I am glad to hear that other military couples decide to do this as well. I asked about it once before on another wedding site and got chewed up for it! I guess a lot of people are really stuck on the traditional type of wedding, and I think it's wonderful, but sometimes it's just not possible. I am very thankful to have family that understands and just wants to be able to celebrate with us when we actually can.

Chelsea, I was in the exact same situation you were in. We eloped last July and only told our immediate family members. I really wanted the "engaged" experience, the bachelor/bachelorette parties, showers, excitement.. all of it. Our family understood and our large wedding is next weekend. Wedding planning has been such an amazing experience and we cannot wait to finally be married to the whole world and not just our immediate family. Military is its own world. You just have to adapt and go with it. Word of advice though, if you're planning on having military groomsmen, be prepared to have plenty of backups. We have lost 4 groomsmen due to deployments and permission. We almost lost our groom. Cant wait for next weekend!

Daniella, thank you so much for adding your advice! It is so comforting to hear from a mil-spouse! I really want the whole experience too, but I am terrible at keeping secrets haha! My family is huge and so is his, so I know when we do have our "wedding," it will be a big party! I don't want to give up those fun and exciting things that go along with planning a wedding, so that's why I thought about having a ceremony-esque event with reception where we renew our vows or play a video of our elopement and have a close friend "officiate" for us. I want all of my loved ones to be there and cherish the moment with us. For reasons that you obviously understand, this isn't possible for us when we need it to be. Maybe it's okay to have our cake and eat it too? I mean, I know it offends some people on the internet, but as long as it doesn't offend the ones I love, it shouldn't matter right?

And congratulations!!!

Are you sharing with family and friends the news of your elopement, or will some find out that you're already married when you do your vow renewal a year later?

As a military spouse, you already have to sacrifice so much. No one will understand this except if they're in your shoes. This isnt what I wanted either but I love him and he decided to dedicate his life to the service so I have to go with the flow! lol. We haven't exchanged rings and I havent changed my name because we wanted to save something for the wedding. Military practically requires elopement. We did a courthouse wedding, just us two and went out for dinner after and now we are finally going to celebrate with friends and family. I guess I'm having my cake and eating it too. Don't give it up. Your friends and family will understand. This is a once in a lifetime experience.

Audrey, yes we will be sharing the news of our elopement, and then inviting people to celebrate with us at a later date. We have been very upfront about the situation with everyone from the start.

Daniella, thanks again so much. It's a lot of sacrifice moving and trying to figure out a career of my own that could get changed at a moment's notice. Not to mention the amount of time you have to spend away from your loved one. I am so happy to see that we can still enjoy and be excited about our marriage like other couples, despite the hardships that come along with it.

Honestly I'd say have you bridal shower and bachelorette/bachelor parties. There is no written rule that excludes you from being able to enjoy these things because you are choosing to elope. That is unfair to you and if I were your friend, I wouldn't take any offense to hosting your bride activities. I think this should be done before eloping. Besides I am sure you and your FH are not waiting for vow renewal to consummate your marriage. Usually the bridal shower is where you get all of the fun...Atleast at mine I did.

Chelsea, as Daniella mentioned, you can probably avoid exchanging rings & vows at your legal wedding ceremony and later exchange rings and vows in front of your guests to make that day more special.

That's a good point LaToya, I never even thought about having a bachelorette party before the elopement. And I like the idea of waiting to do vows and such until we celebrate with guests. This is starting to make me feel a lot better about our situation, knowing we don't HAVE to give up special elements to getting married.