mil woes/flower girl hair.

In all honest I don’t know how to talk to her it. I am not big into telling kids there hair has to be a certain way to look good cause it can really hurt self esteem. So I would be super careful.

Come on now, some little kid’s hair won’t ruin the wedding. I know you want your photos to look nice but it’s not worth making the poor kid cry. You can’t dictate how people do their hair, be it bridesmaid or flowergirl. However you can see if she’s OPEN to a nice wig she only has to wear for your ceremony/photos. It’s a nice compromise without forcing someone to alter their looks. I’m a pink haired bride(although I have the funds for professional dye) and I own a human hair wig for certain occasions. They’re not very expensive unless they’re super long.

I had no intentions of being mean to the child about it. My MIL know exactly how I feel, but is ALWAYS ignoring my feelings. I just don't know how to tell her I would prefer she not dye Mackenzies hair for the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Ask if she can do hidden hi lights so you can hide them. Or low lights if her hair is long enough to put up. I am confused in how she is ignoring how you feel about it now. Your wedding g is a long time away so it does not matter what you think of Mackenzie’s hair.
I don’t think a persons hair will ruin you pics. And I hope when you look back you see love and support and not a hair color.

She has gone out of her way to upset me, and ignore my feelings on so many issues, that I can see her doing this just yo upset me. I'm not trying to be a brat, but I do think we deserve to have what we want for our wedding. But I guess as usual I'll have to let her have her way because I always end up being the bad guy.

If you truly think his mom would dye a young child's hair just to upset you, that seems like a major concern and I feel really bad for the little girl. I think there are two separate issues. First, if the relationship between you and FH's mother is that bad, I think you and FH need to really talk about that and how you are going to deal with her going forward. Second, I agree with others' that whether it's the little girl's choice or her mother's to dye the girl's hair, I'd ignore it if it happens. A young child's hair color isn't going to ruin your wedding or photographs. (Daughter's flower girls were only in a handful of photos, but even if they'd been in every single one, little girls are adorable regardless of hair style or color.) It sounds like this little girl may have been through a lot in her life already and her mom may not always act in her best interest. I'd guess she could use all the love and positive attention you and FH can give her. Maybe you can be a hero who supports her no matter what. Good luck!

How does a 7 year old look trashy? 🤔🙄🤐.

Anyway, I'd just ask the mother if it would be possible to have her hair natural for the wedding. Otherwise, maybe you can pay to have it done properly so it looks nice.

I'm letting my 3.5yr old (by then) flower girl pick her dress (from a selection of options) and if she wanted to wear butterfly wings or strange shoes or color her hair (if she was older) I'd love it. Kids are awesome. They don't make decisions based on what other people may judge them on. However, they are like little sponges that will absorb toxicity from the adults around them. Just a thought.

This sounds like a discussion your FH needs to have with his mother. Also, you are 8 months out, so you may be worrying a bit prematurely. He could request she keep her hair natural for the wedding, but ultimately that is not your decision. Sounds like this little girl needs a boost, and ignoring her or not encouraging her by saying her hair looks nice (even if you disagree) is pretty petty. She’s 7, and from the sounds of things, could use the support. Would you tell her her drawings are ugly? It’s all part of being the adult.... not trying to sound harsh, but hoping this can give you another perspective on things. Her hair won’t ruin your photos, and she also won’t be in all of them. Have him talk with her, but ultimately, a little girl with pink/purple hair is not the worst thing that can happen. You could even accessorize to match it.

The fact that you think the color of a young girl’s hair would ruin your photos boggles my mind. My daughter is close to that age and is starting to explore things she wants for her hair/looks. She recently cut over a foot of hair off, got her ears pierced and has started choosing her own style when she shops for clothes. If she asked to color her hair, I would probably let her use a temp color. She’s an individual and like with all other individuals, you don’t get to dictate what she looks like, even for your wedding.

Definitely not your place to say something to future MIL.

The absolute best (/only) course of action here is simply to mentally prepare and learn to be okay with it if she does have dyed hair. This is such a small detail in the grand scheme of things, and if a child’s hair color can ruin your wedding, there are some larger issues for you to sort out. Saying something doesn’t just make you “look” like a controlling bride....it makes you a controlling bride.

Why dont you take her to get her hair professionally done for your wedding? Pick out a color that's part of your wedding and make it a girls day?

Btw I get what you're saying. I let my kids dye/style their hair whatever color or way they want. But for my wedding, they'll have their hair styled nicely. I might let them dye their hair but it'll be done in my colors or not at all. I want nice pictures too. A little kid with trashy hair can ruin your pics. I'd be upset too

I wouldn't stress. If her hair is a crazy color, tell your photographer in advance and have her in a few pictures but not all of them.

She's 7. There's no good way to address this, because it's rude to dictate what anyone is doing with their hair (or body in general). She'll be in a few pictures, that's it. I would just get over it.

Also, quit calling a 7 year old trashy, that is super out of line.

I can understand wanting her to look nice but I can't agree to a child's looks being called trashy or how upset you are that it could absolutely ruin your entire wedding photos. I always dyed my hair every summer when I was little and even more permanently as an adult, in fact I miss my neon blue hair I had for 3 straight years oh so so much, and yes while I admit its not what most people would do sometimes its just what makes someone happy. I think by "trashy" you meant that her dye job was done badly, which usually happens when its an at home dye job and the fact that she's 7 probably doesn't help making it look perfect. Young children are hard to keep still.

Remember its ONE day in the grand scheme of things. I recently learned a tip on how to tackle problems that upset me and it helps so much with wedding planning: on a scale on 1 to 10 how important of an issue is this for you? Is it really worth getting so upset over? I'd rate this as a 2 personally. She's a kid, let her have her color hair, but offer to get it professionally done and in a color that matches your wedding colors. That way you can make sure it won't look badly done, it'll be a unique addition to your photos, and you won't upset anyone- especially a little girl just starting to experiment with things she likes.

I was not saying she's trashy. I said her dye job looks trashy. There's a huge difference. To address some of the comments, I'd prefer it not dyed at all as even several of my bridesmaids who regularly dye their hair different colors plan on going normal for the wedding (without being asked). I don't mind it dyed on them, or even older girls but they've chosen not to because they knew I'd prefer it this way and took my feelings into consideration.
Also, I may not have so many problems if it was Mackenzies idea. But it's not. It has nothing to do with her self image, or her wanting to try things, or me not supporting her. My MIL suggests it to her and what 6 year old isn't going to say yes to pink or purple.
I think everyone completely missed my point of looking for advice on how to deal with a MIL who makes it her personal mission in life to do things to upset/bother me. Like inviting us to dinner this week to celebrate his birthday by making manicotti and homemade rolls when I have celiac disease 🙃

"How do I approach my MIL about This? Should he be the one who does it?"

You didn't mention anything in your post about how you feel your FMIL is on a personal mission to upset you. Those were the 2 questions you asked.

Yes, your fiancé should talk to his mom and ask her not to have her hair dyed for the wedding. However, I'm sticking with my original answer and suggesting that you ask your FMIL if you can take the girl to get her hair professionally done before the wedding. Maybe she would like a natural hair color with highlights or something fun since you don't want her to have any other color