MIL wants to throw separate shower for grooms family

Ask your mom to call her and to join her in hosting.

Make her feel like you are welcoming her in to your family and looking forward to being part of hers.

Sometimes what seems like difficult behavior is someone feeling left out.

My FMIL is doing the exact same thing.. I have no advice, but I am with you. I do not want 2 and honestly don't even want the first one. I would just tell her no you don't want two and you want everyone to meet before the wedding. And if there is 2, let her know it is right to invite people to both.

My FMIL is throwing a separate shower as well, because she really wanted to include everyone on her side of the family who is coming to the wedding. I agree with what @Nonna said - see if she and your mom might want to do a joint one! But if not, just let her do it.

And what @NatHam said is completely wrong - you definitely should NOT invite people to both (except your absolute VIPs - like your mom).

I'm sorry your mom's feelings are hurt, but some people do have more than one shower. Honestly, if someone else wants to throw you a shower, I'd just say be thankful and move on. Let her know that you will give her some dates that you are available after your mother schedules the first shower.

I know my FMIL (along with some close friends from church) are thinking of throwing a separate shower- mostly because both FH and myself have large families and a shower of 70+ people just sounds crazy to me. So your FMIL could be thinking along those lines too.

Thank you for all of the comments! There have just been so many little things along the way that maybe I am being sensitive? I just feel like it's silly to have two when we all live so close to one another. I like the idea of my mom reaching out to her and getting her involved.

I was raised to believe that the purpose of the shower is for both sides of the family to get to know one another. So the idea of each side hosting their own shower is alien to me. It could be a horror show with one side trying to "outdo" the other.

You can't really control what other people do. I'd do what PP's suggested and have your FMIL and mother speak to one another about it. If necessary, force them to discuss by getting them both to come to dinner (or anything really) with you. Explain your concerns to one or both of them. Hopefully this can all be resolved!

I agree that it would be nice to have one shower so everyone can meet. I would have your mom call her and try and include her on the planning of your shower. And maybe have your mom mention that it's important to the bride to have one shower.

I actually wish my FMIL was more involved. I have no idea why but she seems to have no interest in the wedding. I invited her to go dress shopping with me and my mom to pick out my moms and her dress. She said she'd let me know and then never texted me back and just told my fiancé she wasn't coming. And when we first invited our family to come see our venue she asked "do I have to come". Which hurt my feelings. And she is coming to my shower (which my mom is planning with my MOH and bridesmaids) but I don't think she has even asked about it or offered to come help set up or anything. She has always been nice to me, and my fiancé thinks she likes me. But she never mentions the wedding EVER. It's weird. Anyway I guess I'm just saying at least it's nice that your FMIL wants to be involved.

I agree that it would be nice to let everyone get to know each other. However, that doesn't necessarily happen: I've seen plenty of showers where the groom's family talked with each other, the bride's family talked with each other, and the friends talked with each other, but no one mixed groups. On the plus side, multiple showers means gift-opening time takes 30 minutes instead of an hour or more, so there's more time to socialize.

2 is not uncommon in my family.

I'd say let her host her own. Seriously, where's the harm? Having 2 showers isn't the end of the world.

*Shrugs* when my brother got married I threw a shower just for our side. It wasn't realistic to be able to host the amount of people we wanted in one persons house. And even through we lived in the same metro area distance was an issue. Plus the one thrown by the bride's sister was close to her guests. Her guests had a 10-15 minute drive, while my brother's guests would have to drive 45-1 hour.

Honestly I see my SILs family once a year on her birthday. Most families aren't going to interact that much after these events. Do you think your aunt is going to call up the groom's aunt to go out for lunch once a month? no... I don't see the harm in your FMIL wanting to host an event for her side.

I had separate showers. Personally, I liked it better because they were smaller groups and I could interact with everyone. I had never really thought of having them combined once FMIL offered.

I would tell your mil that your mom and moh are planning a shower already and give them their contact info and really encourage her to plan one big party. You can tell her you would really want both sides of the family to mingle and hang out at the shower and see what she says. Maybe she just really wants to be part of the planning, and giving her that opening to talk about planning with your mom and MOH would get her to just plan w them instead of throwing her one party