Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Dedicated January 2020

mil relationship

Amina, on October 2, 2019 at 1:50 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

Saved

Flag
Hide content

So it was brought to my attention by my FH that his mother wishes we had a stronger relationship and that she thinks there’s a wall up from me. This kinda surprised me but didn’t. I have felt the same for a while now as well. I’m more of a reserved quiet person, I can be in a room full of people and be content just being on my phone. FH tells me that she explains that she’s the same way which I kind of find hard to believe. Anytime we’re out with her and the family she’s always making a point to talk to FH’s brothers gf and not me. She will go out of her way to have conversations with her and usually give me a quick hello and a .005 second hug. I’ve always kinda felt like she would have been happier if it were Fh’s brother marrying his gf now instead of me. With the wedding coming up in 3 months I would like a closer relationship but it seems like she only really makes an effort to get close to the brothers gf no matter what I do. I try to talk to her and after a few min it gets awkward and the conversation just stops. Anyone have any advice moving forward?

Flag
Hide content

9 Comments

Latest activity by Cristy, on October 2, 2019 at 3:13 PM

Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 2, 2019 at 1:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
When we have big family events, and someone is just sitting in a corner on their phone, I take it as being rude because I feel like the person isn't making an effort to see people they don't see super often. Maybe she feels the same way? Can you plan something to do, just you & her?
- Reply
Master May 2019
Chandra · on October 2, 2019 at 1:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
Could you invite her out for lunch and a girls day at the spa?
- Reply
Master January 2015
null · on October 2, 2019 at 1:55 PM
Flag

Hide content
She may have just gotten the wrong impression from you and is now too scared of rejection to approach you, that's probably why she talks to FH's brother's girlfriend more than you. I would believe her when she tells your FH she wants a stronger relationship with her. Ask her if she wants to go out to dinner one night or maybe go for a walk together. I used to think my FH's mother hated me, but it's really that she's super quiet and reserved (never got that impression from her, but now that I know her well, I can tell it's true). It took getting past a little initial awkwardness and lulls in conversation, but it was worth it because I'm glad we have a relationship. I say just take the leap and tough out the awkward silences, it'll get better with time
- Reply
Legend June 2019
Melle · on October 2, 2019 at 1:57 PM
Flag

Hide content
Try to spend time with her. Initially my mother in law and I didn't know each other much and I felt awk with her too but after we spent a lot more time together it naturally builds
- Reply
August 2022
Da Mom · on October 2, 2019 at 2:00 PM
Flag

Hide content
Have you included her in any of your wedding planning? All my girls invited their MILs to go dress shopping with them, had conversations with them throughout the planning process, and genuinely tried to include their family traditions in the ceremonies. Maybe schedule a lunch with just the two of you so there are not any distractions. Definitely put the phone away during gatherings - I can see how that comes off as you putting up a wall. Keep working at it. She will be your family soon and the wedding is a great event to bond over. Best of luck to you!
- Reply
Dedicated January 2020
Amina · on October 2, 2019 at 2:40 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Phone analogy was probably wrong to use. Just saying I’m more comfortable being by myself than being out with people. We see his parents and family all the time, if we’re not home alone we’re with some combination of them. But I do try to communicate with her more and it ends up with her and the brothers gf off somewhere and I kinda just get excluded
- Reply
Super February 2020
Jeanie · on October 2, 2019 at 2:59 PM
Flag

Hide content
Just keep trying. I can be socially awkward, not necessarily shy but sometimes don’t know how to have casual chit chat with people. So you’re not alone. She probably talks to others more because she has known them longer, or maybe they just clicked. It doesn’t mean anything against you if that’s the case. When you talk to her, ask about things you talked about previously, like if she had plans to go somewhere, or mention something that your FH told you she was up to. It’ll show her that you care and are paying attention to her life. If she’s mentioned wanting to have a better relationship with you, the door is not closed. That may be her way of reaching out to you. It’s up to you to put in a little effort to bridge the gap. You have a wedding coming up. That’s the easiest thing to bond over, whether it be talking about what she’s wearing, problems with a vendor, or how excited you are.
- Reply
Master October 2019
Laura · on October 2, 2019 at 3:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
Your fiance needs to talk to her and bring to her attention what you've said here. He already got involved by telling you what she said, so it should come from him.
- Reply

Master May 2021
Cristy · on October 2, 2019 at 3:13 PM
Flag

Hide content
Does she have any hobbies or interests that you share? If so, you can build on that, maybe suggest an outing having to do with a hobby or interest.
If she's into something that you've never done or explored, maybe that's a good way to break the ice. Ask her about her hobby, and express interest in learning something new. People usually don't get tired of talking about themselves, so if you start asking her a bunch of questions, that may get you past the awkward stage of conversation.
Since I don't know either one of you, this is all speculation and suggestion. But if you are open to it, I think you'll find the solution that works for both of you. Good luck!!
- Reply